Monday, 26 May 2014

Monday 26/05/14

Dad,
I always wanted to tell you this, but I've always been really scared. Nothing in the world terrifies me more than what I want to tell you. But I've reached a point where, not only does this ruin our relationship, but it's also making me lead my life unhappily.
You've said to me several times and you said it to me again recently that you don't think I'm open towards you and Mum and that I don't communicate with you enough. I'm afraid there's a main reason for this. It's because I was ashamed about who I am. I was so ashamed that I felt worthless and I felt that I don't deserve happiness.
Now I don't personally feel this shame, because I've come to terms with myself, but I still feel a great shame hiding this from you and Mum; hiding this from you in particular. I'm gay.
I don't know if you ever suspected this or if it even crossed your mind. It doesn't really matter at this point.
This has tortured me for a very long time. I've known ever since I was born. Ever since I remember myself anyway. It's part of the reason why I left Greece when I was 17 years old. Both because I knew there's no tolerance for that sort of thing here, but also because I never wanted to admit it to my family. (This isn't the only reason why I left, of course; I also really enjoy living abroad).
Still, it took me a long time to admit it to myself even after that. Only when I was 25-26 was I able to be honest and to stop lying, both to myself and everyone around me. Thankfully, I was living in London already at that time and nobody seemed that interested, no one reacted negatively.
In any case, I wanted to say that if it took me twenty-five years to accept this, I don't expect you to suddenly be OK with it. (Even though I would really like that).
I understand your background, how you grew up and what you believe in. And you might never be able to accept this. But I don't know, you might do, if you think about it for a while and let some time pass.
In an idea world, this will improve our relationship. I'm still the same person, nothing changes about the [name] that you know. I don't behave differently around the people I know abroad, to all of my friends, and I won't behave differently around my family (if you want for our relationship to continue). I know there's a certain preconception in Greece about how gay people should behave, but this is not based on reality.
I hope that after this, you will still want to be in my life. I hope that after this, you will still love me. This would mean a great deal to me. On the other hand, I expect that you might react negatively .You might want to stop talking to me. You might want never to see me again. You might want to cut me off completely.
I'm prepared for everything. The only thing I'm not prepared for, is to continue being scared, alone, and living with the "shame" of this secret from my parents. That's why I had to tell you. I'm 34 years old and I've accepted myself for around ten years now, and I've grown really tired of having a fake relationship with my family. (And like I said, nobody in the UK or the US has a problem with this, but psychologically I will never be well and I'll never be happy until I tell my parents).
Nothing in the world will make me happier than for you to accept me and continue to love me for who I am. But again, I will understand if you want to have nothing to do with me. I love you always and I'll always be your only son.
Love, [name]

17 comments:

riggledo.com said...

That can't have been easy. It will be for the best for you, though. I only hope he responds favorably and your relationship can begin to heal. Good for you!

James said...

Good luck. Waiting for the response is as hard as writing the letter.

Ben said...

This is six pages? Either Greek words are very long, or your handwriting is huge.

That's not to say I don't like the letter a lot. Whatever the result, I think you gave it your best shot.

Ben said...

This is six pages? Either Greek words are very long, or your handwriting is huge.

That's not to say I don't like the letter a lot. Whatever the result, I think you gave it your best shot.

Guy said...

Well done LP. Coming out to my parents was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do, but it was a necessary step to full psychological adulthood. For better for worse, I have found that most of my friends' relationships with their parents don't change much after coming out. If there was a strong bond there, it tends to survive the coming out process, but coming out doesn't help a relationship that was not strong to begin with. I hope it turns out well for you, but whatever the outcome, you won't have that hanging over your head any more.

Greg said...
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Greg said...
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Ethan said...

Heartstring-tuggingly lovely. I really hope you work things out.

Matt said...

I've written something very similar in my head so many times. If only I could a) put it on paper; and b) hand over the letter. All my friends, gay or straight, think I'm crazy for not having done it. Maybe I am. I am 35. I now envy you.

Delin said...

:(

beautifully-written.

London Preppy said...

The conclusion is: just come out. You'll be OK. They'll be OK. Everyone will be OK

Peacanney said...

"You'll be OK. They'll be OK. Everyone will be OK"

Wiser words were never spoken.

Peacanney said...

"You'll be OK. They'll be OK. Everyone will be OK"

Wiser words were never spoken.

Gary Grebe said...

Love the humor in your calling this a "letter template" on your Tumblr page--as if you could actually create a template for such a thing as coming out to your dad, but then of course you do it brilliantly and instead of being a template, it becomes a universal statement of something which we all share. Thank you.

joeclark said...

Mom and Dad, I'm Gay and Also Stronger Than Both of You, So Don't Try Any Shit

Impressed Guy said...

Poly tha ithela na to diavasw sta ellhnika afto to gramma! Big kiss from an old blogger.

Oldyeller said...

I can't image any parent reacting negatively to this beautiful letter. As far as coming out is concerned, would it count if I left a similar letter on my parents' graves?