On Tuesday at 1637 I send an email to Sadie and this email says:
“Hello. HOW’S EVERYTHING?”
At 1652 Sadie replies:
“Everyhung (I'm not exactly sure how to interpret this misspelling but I'll keep it and think about it) is as it should be I guess.
It's still grey here. Out of all of the places to live in the US I have managed to source out one of the most grey and most foggy. Commenting on when the fog will roll in / recede is part of the general everyday conversation around here, which in my case means to myself.
Have I mentioned that about 85% of my monthly workload at my current job involves projects where I read through, analyse and report on thousands of verbatim comments made up of 100% complaints? All complaints, bitching, moaning, whining, threatening, swearing. 'This has been the worst experience of my life' / 'you have ruined my life' type complaints. So I read through these and work with these one by one, day after day.
As you might guess I quite enjoy it.
Last week was my birthday. Funny thing about your novel; it mentions the birthday where I was texting you drunk in the pub. I was trying to remember which birthday that was, being alone drunk in the pub, but it was actually several so no way to pin that down I guess.
How are things with you then?”
At 1712 I reply:
“I’m very good, thanks for asking. I have never done so much statistical analysis in my life as I do now. I work out formulae repetitively, mindlessly, endlessly, and – you guessed it – I love it.
At least the good news is that I’ve just bought an ice cream maker. It’s sitting right next to me now in its box. What flavours would you recommend? And why do you think it is that the only flavour idea I’ve had (and have been obsessing about since) is ‘bread’?”
At 1720 Sadie replies:
“So you have become an expert at statistical analysis and I have become an expert at grouping complaints. I think we have done well for ourselves, finally.
Wow that's a big step, ice cream maker. There are so many things you could do with this. I have heard of chocolate bread pudding ice cream.
Meanwhile, were you aware that there is a used copy of your novel for sale on Amazon.com for $117?”
At 1727 I reply:
“I’ve been waiting a long time to meet my fate (being slowly killed by Excel formulae) but I feel I’ve finally arrived. Same goes to you.
Amazing idea. Perhaps my first one SHOULD be chocolate bread pudding ice cream. Chocolate bread and butter pudding does appear in Exit Through The Wound after all. It would be fitting.
Yes, the $117 copy is the one I jerked off on.”
At 1746 Sadie replies:
“I would definitely do chocolate bread pudding ice cream then. Let me know how that turns out. Photos please.
You could easily charge $193.”