I’m hanging at this pool party in a house in Los Angeles, because hang is what you’ve got to do, I’m back from driving some girl that I’m dating to the airport, back from dropping her off outside the terminal building, underneath a sign that says Arrivals, having told her to go in the building and look around, she’ll find it (“look around, you’ll find it”, I said) when she asked where exactly Departures were and why I’m dropping her off here.
She’s the love of my life, this month; she’s the girl I’ll grow old with, this week. I tell her the first half of each of these sentences a few times a day.
On the way to the airport she told me that she’s going to miss me, I teared up and told her the same, she said that she’s been waiting for this all her life, I told her I never thought something so wonderful would happen, I never expected this. She said our relationship is perfect, we belong to each other, I told her we’re one, nothing will tear us apart. She said we understand each other perfectly, our relationship doesn’t need any rules, I told her I’ll never want another girl for the rest of my life, I’ll never yearn for someone else, I’m way past carnal desires, she is the one.
Back at the party, it’s 2300, 0000, 0100 on this Saturday night and I’m shamefully high, a shame that I cannot feel. I’ve been partying since Friday afternoon. What I’ve taken: I’m unable to formulate lists in my head at this point, but the list that I need to make should include – four e’s, lines of coke not adding up to half a gram but not far off, one MDMA cap, two Adderall caps, a few shots of GBL. I came down on the way to the airport, I came back up on the way back.
I’m walking around looking for the next free hit from someone or the next person I want to talk to. As it happens the two are never combined.
There are nearly one hundred people in the house, hiding in rooms, splayed on couches, sharing showers, throwing each other in the pool, trying on sunglasses, smoking pot, swapping swimwear, crushing pills, cuddling on beds, taking pictures, dancing, shuffling, fucking, snorting.
I see Katie. She is tall, ridiculously slim and toned in a way that makes you think she can’t hold a real job (what must people think when they share an office), more attractive than anyone at this party. This pool party. In Los Angeles.
I kinda know her and she kinda knows me, although it might just be through facebook, so I go up to her and we talk for a bit, my friend Will walks up to us and joins in, oh look the three of us are now suddenly in the garden hot tub, a quiet spot away from the rest of the party.
Katie is sitting between me and Will, my right leg is touching her left, we’re talking about the song that’s playing loudly through the speakers, joke that the neighbors will call the police soon who will only turn up and tell us to turn the music down until we crank it back up ten minutes later, I’m staring at Will, Will gets the message, climbs out of the hot tub and walks back to the main party.
I’m here with Katie, I’m not sure exactly what’s happening though I know very well, I’m still very high, I’m very relaxed, I’m completely confused but utterly clear, Katie’s left arm over my shoulders, I’m massaging her neck, her ex boyfriend that she came to the party with somewhere in the house, maybe in the pool, the girl that I’m dating lost in the clouds on a plane somewhere, nowhere on my mind, I lean in and kiss Katie on the lips, both my hands on the back of her head, touching her hair, she kisses me back, she’s holding my head now, I feel high, I feel fucking amazing, this is my life, I’m kissing her more, I’m coming up, I’m coming up, I’m coming up, full stop full stop full stop. Full stops everywhere but not for another two days when I’ve finally come down. Full stop.