I’m eating a Double Decadence Domino’s pizza with mushrooms and pepperoni and watching endless episodes of Miami Ink, because this is what I must do, and this kid walks in and this is a kid that looks like this…
…and wants to get SURVIVOR tattooed across his stomach, because he had testicular cancer when he was 16 and this spread up to his lungs and to cut a long story short this kid is a fucking hero and I love him so.
And I can’t imagine when I last had an original thought by myself, so following on this pattern, I decide on the spot that I want to get a similar tattoo, a tattoo that says that I’m straight, I don’t think on multiple levels, I’ve got a story to tell and I’ll shove it in your face.
And my shortlist of words is: SURVIVOR or STRONG or STRONGER
So I run this idea past Nathan, because you have to have at least a second opinion which you’re going to ignore when you come up with something ridiculous, and Nathan tells me the following:
“I’m sorry but ‘Survivor’ is a Destiny’s Child song.
And ‘Stronger’ is a Britney song.
Unless you want people singing these songs to you, I would refrain”
And then I say to Nathan that I did think of the Britney and Beyonce associations for my words, but then I decided to kid myself that I live in a world where people either don’t remember these things, or were never aware of them. For example, the guy above, does Nathan think that he has any friends who know that Britney Spears released a song called Stronger? And no, Nathan doesn’t.
Then of course, it hits me that I live in a world that revolves around Sydney Mardi Gras, Madrid Pride and Kelly Rowland vs David Guetta, but I decide to have my motivational word tattoo nonetheless, and on top of it I’m going to stick another wild animal there and make my legs look like a zoo decorated by a self-help therapy group.
When I next look at the time it’s 0630 and I’ve stayed up all night in this trance, eating and watching and talking to people in different time zones, but that’s OK, because the people in the shop where I work are pretty chilled and they don’t mind what time I turn up, so I go to bed and lie there for a bit
thinking that I want Ami from Miami Ink to tattoo me, Ami being the badass “dangerous” tattoo artist who has some serious issues and does kick-boxing and fires other artists when they become more prominent than him, and so yes I want him to tattoo me giving me the usual aggro and then when I make a move on him, not because I fancy him necessarily but because I just want a reaction, and he realises that I’m a faggot, he jumps me and the guy in the picture above is also in the shop and tries to stop him, but uh oh, I’m already bleeding.