Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Tuesday 01/12/09

I’m eating a Double Decadence Domino’s pizza with mushrooms and pepperoni and watching endless episodes of Miami Ink, because this is what I must do, and this kid walks in and this is a kid that looks like this…

…and wants to get SURVIVOR tattooed across his stomach, because he had testicular cancer when he was 16 and this spread up to his lungs and to cut a long story short this kid is a fucking hero and I love him so.

And I can’t imagine when I last had an original thought by myself, so following on this pattern, I decide on the spot that I want to get a similar tattoo, a tattoo that says that I’m straight, I don’t think on multiple levels, I’ve got a story to tell and I’ll shove it in your face.

And my shortlist of words is: SURVIVOR or STRONG or STRONGER

So I run this idea past Nathan, because you have to have at least a second opinion which you’re going to ignore when you come up with something ridiculous, and Nathan tells me the following:

“I’m sorry but ‘Survivor’ is a Destiny’s Child song.

And ‘Stronger’ is a Britney song.

Unless you want people singing these songs to you, I would refrain”

And then I say to Nathan that I did think of the Britney and Beyonce associations for my words, but then I decided to kid myself that I live in a world where people either don’t remember these things, or were never aware of them. For example, the guy above, does Nathan think that he has any friends who know that Britney Spears released a song called Stronger? And no, Nathan doesn’t.

Then of course, it hits me that I live in a world that revolves around Sydney Mardi Gras, Madrid Pride and Kelly Rowland vs David Guetta, but I decide to have my motivational word tattoo nonetheless, and on top of it I’m going to stick another wild animal there and make my legs look like a zoo decorated by a self-help therapy group.

When I next look at the time it’s 0630 and I’ve stayed up all night in this trance, eating and watching and talking to people in different time zones, but that’s OK, because the people in the shop where I work are pretty chilled and they don’t mind what time I turn up, so I go to bed and lie there for a bit

thinking that I want Ami from Miami Ink to tattoo me, Ami being the badass “dangerous” tattoo artist who has some serious issues and does kick-boxing and fires other artists when they become more prominent than him, and so yes I want him to tattoo me giving me the usual aggro and then when I make a move on him, not because I fancy him necessarily but because I just want a reaction, and he realises that I’m a faggot, he jumps me and the guy in the picture above is also in the shop and tries to stop him, but uh oh, I’m already bleeding.


Tim in Italy said...

Yes. Given what I know of you, "already bleeding" would be perfect. Not a cry for help, of course, rather a simple statement of fact. In the gym, at the pool, this declaration would cut through countless hours of tedious "getting to know you" convos. Yes. Brilliant.

athlonnyc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
athlonnyc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
abristolnovella said...

I've no idea why, and perhaps there is no relevance to this fable. But last night I dreamt (somebody loved me) that I had Disappear here tattooed across my moob. And maybe I'll get it done, just for lolz

London Preppy said...

bristol: I'm currently very much in the mood for lolztastic tattoos. Why not. It's not like we'll live to regret these

anthon: I know

tim: I like that you GET what I WRITE. That's all

george said...

you should get a tag team tatt......that was a funny episode.


totally dumb but good statements that don't conjure images of britney or DC.......you are such a chav (or bogan if you're in melbourne)......i love it

Cockbag LLC said...

Instead of a "self-help therapy group" of tattoos it might turn into those horrible Successories posters that were so popular in the late 90's and early part of this decade.

Which reminds me MTV just did a True Life episode "I regret my tattoos"

Oldyeller said...

Is part of the attraction of tatts to you (not that I'm taking this post seriously) that they have this whole kind of uber masculine, casual hetero connotation to them--bring on the needles & blood dammit, etc. I think appearing straight is impt to you (and/or LP) As opposed to purely a means of self-expression

London Preppy said...

cock: I don't get the title of that programme. Surely all tattoos are meant to be regretted? Otherwise what's the point?

oldy: Serious answer? Yes. Yes, for sure

lost-in-wonderland-1 said...

this is the first comment that i have ever placed on anyone;s blog and it is rather depressing that the reason i am doing this is that when i was scrolling through your page and i saw the miami ink picture, i kind of felt an urge to write this. Basically, i have spent the majority of the weekend in bed watching the show and deciding what tattoo i want. And i too would like ami to do it, i love his whole anger issue thing hes got goin and his general character. Him or yoji who is just funny, or chris garver because his art work is just amazing. I think i should draw this inane comment to a close leaving with this slight decleration of how awesome i think your blog is, which is very much. Anyway, hope to read more in the near future. x And by the way, the smiths are indeed amazing as is brett easton ellis. x

Victoria said...