Friday, 14 August 2009

Saturday 15/08/09

Read this introduction first.

Here is the article ___ ___ wrote about me in her final project after interviewing me on email and in person. ___ ___ is a Fashion Journalism student. Well, a Fashion Journalism graduate now I guess, if she did pass with this tripe. She has chosen to dedicate her life to writing about chiffon, bows and hemlines. But I’m not here to judge. Nah, that's a lie. ___ ___ also presented herself to me as a big Bret Easton Ellis fan. She said that she loves his books and she has contacted Ellis’ agent in order to get in touch with him (never heard back), plus she found Ellis’ personal profile on facebook and messaged him there (never heard back). Here is what she wrote in her article about me (in regular font) and my comments (in bold).

We cultivate (thesaurus) ourselves by taking influences from around us – mainly by reading (yes, because more people read than watch TV or talk to each other etc). But what happens if you don’t quite comprehend where the fictional world ends and real world begins? (ooh I don’t know, you’re a complete moron like London Preppy?) ___ ___ speaks to London Preppy, a fan of author Bret Easton Ellis’ work, who leads a lifestyle that is straight from one of his novels… (well, not quite, I write a largely fictional blog that is similar to a BEE character, my actual lifestyle isn’t quite that, but I guess some fashion journalism students don’t quite comprehend where the fictional world ends and real world begins)

Should the fictional world be taken seriously sometimes? The nihilistic, violent and even sadistic settings of BEE are certainly not something you would call ‘self-help’ books. BEE’s books are mostly about violent characters (yes, if you’ve only read American Psycho, or rather seen a Ricki Lake special on American Psycho) that are in the condition of being ‘nothing’ (whah?). What they all have in common is a lack of empathy, lack of goals or anything that is considered to be decent or pure. In 1991, when American Psycho was to be published, Mr Ellis’ publishing company, Simon & Schuster, decided to pass on the project because of the substantially violent content of the book and due to external pressure from S&S’s parent company, Gulf & Western (somebody’s been doing their google research – GIVE THIS PERSON A DISTINCTION). By tossing the book aside, they missed the chance of publishing one of the most influential works of our time. Or was it a miss? The amount of criticism leveled at BEE for his books, and from portraying such violent monsters as American Psycho’s main character, Patrick Bateman, cannot be concealed. So, has the ‘avant-garde’ mastermind created and army of real beasts? Mega-LOLZ for this, brilliant. I don’t even know what to say to that – I’m referred to as a ‘real beast’. Perhaps I should have chopped her up when I met her.

Meet LP, 29, from London Hello (who wishes not to be named further proof that he's a beastly criminal). LP is a fan of Mr Ellis STOP TYPING ‘MR ELLIS’ YOU FOOL, ‘ELLIS’ IS PERFECTLY FINE FOR FAMOUS PEOPLE and validated his true dedication in 2007 by tattooing ‘BEE’ on his bulging ooh, thanks left bicep. LP is known for running a blog on the Internet, which he calls “Nihilistic 21st century urban stories”. In his own words, it’s “a combination of world-weary, over-educated disgust at the shallowness of the world and lots about self abuse and pumping up your body so it looks real nice. Is it all fact, is it fiction who the fuck knows”.

Preppy started his blog over five years ago as a diary he shared with friends and “as it grew bigger and bigger I started writing less personal stuff and it became an amalgamation of fiction and reality”. Meeting LP in real life is nerve-racking (line of coke before she left home?) . He is wearing a blue sweater by Ralph Lauren, blue jeans, white sneakers and a huge designer bag that is filled with his gym clothes. Preppy takes a seat opposite a mirror bitch and it is noticeable that he can’t take his eyes of ‘off’ love his Greek-like build with sparkling eyes and a chiseled jaw line Ha ha ha ha. I take it all back. This is clearly a work of fiction. His demeanor is collected (= he must be on DRUGS) , mysterious (must be that jaw line) and you are drawn to each word that comes from his mouth because you can’t understand his accent. But who really is LP? Should his blog be considered just as vanity or an end result of taking BEE’s world too seriously? Is it OK if I don’t take either option?

The content of the ‘LP’ blog follows the ‘Ellis style’ with Preppy popping copious amounts of different pills: “a comprehensive list of: 96 tablets of Tylenol PM, 32 Nytol QuickCaps, 26 Zopiclone (7.5mg) and 12 Valium (10mg)” (contacting his doctor friend for more prescriptions) and showing his obsession with his looks by going to the gym every day (This coming from a person who did a degree on writing about people’s looks). Working as an Accountant (“where you’re such a boring fuck I don’t even need to find a way to put you down”) and modeling for gay magazine covers, it is obvious that he is interested in the upscale (yes all the ridiculous magazine covers I’ve done have been extremely upscale) and conceited lifestyle (every ‘Accountant’ clearly leads a conceited lifestyle. What a glamorous job) in all aspects of his life. Also, “being dead inside will certainly help, so try to kill your spirit as early as you can. Everything else will fall naturally into place”. Evidently, Preppy appears to be numb about his presence and life around him; listing his designer outfits for the day, getting bored in nightclubs and, as Preppy enlightens in his blog, “plodding through life in a pointless manner”. Everyday life to him is “performing repetitive tasks day after day in the edge of complete and utter indifference”, and warns his readers about “happy” people: “Those people have been born with a complete lack of cognitive ability – stay clear of them”. The notion of ‘life is short’ and ‘you only live once’ apparently makes Preppy nauseous: “What I say to those people is that if they like life so much, they have mine too”.

Have the limits of facts and fiction come too hazy or open to flexibility for some people (Asks ___ ___ for the 23rd time) ? As LP asked earlier, “Is it all fact, is it fiction, who the fuck knows?” LP does apparently ensure that he is just ‘fascinated’ by the world Mr Ellis creates in his books, and therefore maintains he is not a stalker (I don’t know love, it’s not me who contacted BEE’s agent, found his personal facebook page and messaged him there too like a crazy fangirl) . “I appreciate his philosophy as it comes through his writing. I share similar concerns. Therefore, I don’t consider myself ‘a fan’. I don’t want to go through his rubbish or get his autograph”. But is his blog all evidence to the contrary? I don’t know, is your body shape all evidence that you should not be wearing these leggings His latest blog entry is an excited note on an interview with BEE by John Flynn in Fantastic Man no.9 in Spring 2009, mentioning his name. Preppy writes: ‘So there we have it. BEE’s Mum has seen this blog. BEE has seen this blog. If this doesn’t mean LP has come full circle, I don’t now what does’. The worrying fact Awww…I got her worried now. What a caring person. I foresee a career in erm…fashion journalism is that the mentioning of LP was in connection of talking about ‘crazy’ fans. Paul Flynn writes in Fantastic Man: “How does it feel to know there is a stranger wandering about with your name tattooed on him?” BEE: “It’s strange, you know?”. This time there is a long pause than usual’. Fantastic editing skills there, The London Lite showbiz pages beckon

LP decided to have another tattoo done as another milestone (yes, English is her second language, well spotted) to Mr Ellis’ work, which is carved (!) on his back: “___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Less Than Zero”. The evidence speaks for itself… Evidence eh. What was I on trial for? I want a verdict please. Oh wait, it must be that question that kept popping up every second sentence: Are some people too fucking stupid to distinguish between reality and fictionzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Anyway, that was all. I don’t really mind what ___ ___ has written at the end of the day. She had to find an angle for her essay, the angle she chose was that I’m stupid and obsessed. Whatever. What I find quite lame though is the easy way out that she took. “Oh he likes Bret Easton Ellis, he must hate the world, approve of violence, be shallow and materialistic”. This is a beyond clich├ęd view of what “Mr Ellis” writes. It’s recycling every tabloid, low-rent talk show and Heat-magazine punchline from the last 18 years. I’m looking forward to reading insightful, unprecedented articles from ___ ___ in Reveal magazine about Madonna being the Queen of reinvention, Kate Moss’ status as a style icon, Amy Winehouse destroying her talent through drug abuse and Posh Spice being too thin by the end of the year.

26 comments:

alex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rhino75 said...

It's only when I read this that I realise how much I've missed you :)

London Preppy said...

Eek, thanks for the comments that I haven't published but I wouldn't want to show explicit information on who wrote the article / what University they went to etc. INNIT

LC said...

is she hot? nevermind.. it is not important.

where in the world are u?

alex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ggggg said...

I vote for more videos of that incomprehensible accent ~

Wyler said...

I sit here unable to move, lost in the thought of those "sparkling" blue eyes.

KP said...

"an accountant" ??

London Preppy said...

lc: Somewhere new

kp: I know right?

george said...

that was amusing....she could not have passed with that? what is happening with the state of our higher education system......oh well....i guess she has her sights set on NW or maybe who mag????

any way you still rock LP

S said...

She's so spot on.

Skip said...

I love how funny you are when you're angry.

But - what if instead of her just being a semi-literate clothes moron wilfully misconstruing you... what if she is in fact cleverly constructing the persona of a brainless wannabe fashion hack in order to interview you about your fictional personality thus really blurring what she'd probably call the dividing barriers between truth and fiction?

Matt said...

People always write what they think people want to read...it sells.

Besides, if she wrote something ground breaking and novel it might destroy people's vision so something vague, insipid and repetitive-- expressing little opinion and coming to no conclusion--allows people to continue with their perception of you.

The girl did good for the Heat generation. Rah!

BTW what the hell has this to do with Fashion Journalism, isn't it just pseudointellectual "celeb" gossip columnist?

London Preppy said...

s: Hahahahahaha. Retard. I would write a post on you and the 527 (what you think are) cutting comments you've left over the last three years, but you'd love that way too much

skip: Oh my God. You could be right. Thankfully I'm too simple to comprehend this multi-layered concept. I really should enrol in a Fashion Journalism course and reconsider afterwards

Atomicum said...

Mega-LOLZ.

I Can Has London Preppy?

Drooosh said...

Hi: long term lister, first time caller...

Grrrrrrrrrr!

It's "journalism" like this made me give up on The Guardian.

She'll do well I think.

alex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Arthur said...

Seriously... That's a university assessment? Times really have changed.

Gym bunnies rejoice! You may presently be a slightly dim & sociopathic narcissist, but redemption is at hand. The path to normalcy & relevance is through learning to make such astute observations as follows; "He is wearing a blue sweater by Ralph Lauren, blue jeans, white sneakers and a huge designer bag that is filled with his gym clothes."

If you do this and repeat the mantra "I'm a real journalist" every morning you will bask in the love of all mankind.

Arthur said...

Seriously... That's a university assessment? Times really have changed.

Gym bunnies rejoice! You may presently be a slightly dim & sociopathic narcissist, but redemption is at hand. The path to normalcy & relevance is through learning to make such astute observations as follows; "He is wearing a blue sweater by Ralph Lauren, blue jeans, white sneakers and a huge designer bag that is filled with his gym clothes."

If you do this and repeat the mantra "I'm a real journalist" every morning you will bask in the love of all mankind.

PhoenixUK said...

Oh. My. God. That was even worse than I was expecting. Time to cry havoc and release the dogs of war.

Oldyeller said...

Strange, most of her insipid review of you and the blog had little or nothing to do with BEE-but she had no choice I guess given your measured (boring) responses to her queries. At least she found you physically attractive, but of course that was only used as evidence to prove that you're shallow, vain & stupid.

I hope she sees your review.

bakerboyagain said...

"She had to find an angle for her essay, the angle she chose was that I’m stupid and obsessed. Whatever."

Quite right. You've just spent a good part of your day inanely dissecting an article she wrote about you.

In other words, you're self-obsessed, not just obsessed.

London Preppy said...

bakerboy: Yes, I'm self-obsessed, Madonna is a control freak, Mother Theresa was selfless, you are a loser. Anything new?

London Preppy said...

bakerboy: Somehow I knew you were one of those who couldn't help themselves and would comment again. I could just tell you see. Talk about taking time out of your day to do pointless things. And now you're back here Reading this again, seeing if I published your witty retort, what I replied etc. Awwwwww. Why not spend time with some friends, a loved one instead? Otherwise you'll end up like me. Sad, tired, alone, living my life through a blog, a true failure. See how long my reply is for God's sake. I have NOTHING else to do NO ONE to talk to. Anyway, I can honestly say I deleted your second comment without reading it. What a shame :-(

george said...

ouch that must have hurt....deleted without reading....hahaha......