Friday, 28 August 2009

Thursday 27/08/09

A Boy and his friend K-LOL, who both live in London, occasionally post on a music messageboard where people chat about pop music, yes, mainly idiotic people about idiotic pop music to be fair, but it’s something to do I guess. And A Boy forwards me an email conversation where he and K-LOL discuss some of the people on the messageboard, because they’re sad and petty and having miserable lives and boring office jobs that don’t require much concentration. I remember the days when I had an office job.

K-LOL: “Let’s analyse some of the people on ___, simply based on their pictures”

[attaches picture of Poster 1]

[attaches picture of Poster 2]

A Boy: “Wow, that second one really is atrociously bad. I just know I hate him”

K-LOL: “Poster 1 is just a Belgian guy who thinks he’s cool and lives in Dalston whilst being above it and makes wise informed comments and gets it and likes Madonna in the old fashioned cool way and lots of new hip underground stuff because he keeps his ears open and has a short attention span caused by the consumption of too much mediazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Shame he has to express all this on the ___ messageboard because he doesn’t have anyone in real life to discuss these interests with.

Poster 2 is the worst example of provincial Northern queen imaginable, and I can only hope that his life is so fucking miserable that his “do” (LOL) gets lighter and lighter in every picture due to a freak chemical reaction between the peroxide and the tears he cries in bed every night”

Then A Boy tells me of a story where K-LOL has gotten in an argument with another person on there (Poster 3) and this is an argument that went like that:

Poster 3: “[something tedious and banal in frilly prose]”

K-LOL (who posts on the forum as ‘LeftMyHeartInTokyo”: “You should be a writer. I see James Joyce parallels. Might be the ketamine though”

Poster 3: “Oh no, heart, I think you should be a writer”

K-LOL: “LOL! Thanks babes!!! I'm more of an actor/singer/dancer myself though. We're all creative in different ways. Sometimes I get a fire in my belly and I just want to put some Florence on and roll around on a stage draped in a sash or something. Intercepting my performance with little yelps, the odd monologue, some vocal scales. That's how I express myself. Other times I'm feeling more reflective and throw some Tori on the stereo, turn the lights off and lay in awe on my bedroom floor whispering, oh oh smother me Mother. I'll give the writing thing a go too though, God, I love a new challenge LOL!!!!!”

K-LOL again: “I like it when you call me heart, Poster 3. When I was little, my Mum used to call me “her little heart”. It reminds me of that. She dead now, of course. Dead dead dead. Sometimes, when I miss her too much, I come on this website and read your words and I feel a little warm inside. Other times I just climb to the top of a mountain and throw little things off. Like car parts, bottles or cuttlery, or whatever I find lying around. I’ve never met you Poster 3, but you write about music (mostly the sound of NOW!) in a way that penetrates me right through to the heart like that guy did in the Indiana Jones film. Never stop hon”

In other news, earlier today, I email A Girl and this is a conversation that goes like this:

Me: “And on that note, I can announce that I’ve finally finished my work for today…”

A Girl: “Fuck you”

So, there we have it: A Boy, K-LOL, A Girl. Awful, awful, mean-spirited rude people. I should never be friends with them.

Friday, 14 August 2009

Saturday 15/08/09

Read this introduction first.

Here is the article ___ ___ wrote about me in her final project after interviewing me on email and in person. ___ ___ is a Fashion Journalism student. Well, a Fashion Journalism graduate now I guess, if she did pass with this tripe. She has chosen to dedicate her life to writing about chiffon, bows and hemlines. But I’m not here to judge. Nah, that's a lie. ___ ___ also presented herself to me as a big Bret Easton Ellis fan. She said that she loves his books and she has contacted Ellis’ agent in order to get in touch with him (never heard back), plus she found Ellis’ personal profile on facebook and messaged him there (never heard back). Here is what she wrote in her article about me (in regular font) and my comments (in bold).

We cultivate (thesaurus) ourselves by taking influences from around us – mainly by reading (yes, because more people read than watch TV or talk to each other etc). But what happens if you don’t quite comprehend where the fictional world ends and real world begins? (ooh I don’t know, you’re a complete moron like London Preppy?) ___ ___ speaks to London Preppy, a fan of author Bret Easton Ellis’ work, who leads a lifestyle that is straight from one of his novels… (well, not quite, I write a largely fictional blog that is similar to a BEE character, my actual lifestyle isn’t quite that, but I guess some fashion journalism students don’t quite comprehend where the fictional world ends and real world begins)

Should the fictional world be taken seriously sometimes? The nihilistic, violent and even sadistic settings of BEE are certainly not something you would call ‘self-help’ books. BEE’s books are mostly about violent characters (yes, if you’ve only read American Psycho, or rather seen a Ricki Lake special on American Psycho) that are in the condition of being ‘nothing’ (whah?). What they all have in common is a lack of empathy, lack of goals or anything that is considered to be decent or pure. In 1991, when American Psycho was to be published, Mr Ellis’ publishing company, Simon & Schuster, decided to pass on the project because of the substantially violent content of the book and due to external pressure from S&S’s parent company, Gulf & Western (somebody’s been doing their google research – GIVE THIS PERSON A DISTINCTION). By tossing the book aside, they missed the chance of publishing one of the most influential works of our time. Or was it a miss? The amount of criticism leveled at BEE for his books, and from portraying such violent monsters as American Psycho’s main character, Patrick Bateman, cannot be concealed. So, has the ‘avant-garde’ mastermind created and army of real beasts? Mega-LOLZ for this, brilliant. I don’t even know what to say to that – I’m referred to as a ‘real beast’. Perhaps I should have chopped her up when I met her.

Meet LP, 29, from London Hello (who wishes not to be named further proof that he's a beastly criminal). LP is a fan of Mr Ellis STOP TYPING ‘MR ELLIS’ YOU FOOL, ‘ELLIS’ IS PERFECTLY FINE FOR FAMOUS PEOPLE and validated his true dedication in 2007 by tattooing ‘BEE’ on his bulging ooh, thanks left bicep. LP is known for running a blog on the Internet, which he calls “Nihilistic 21st century urban stories”. In his own words, it’s “a combination of world-weary, over-educated disgust at the shallowness of the world and lots about self abuse and pumping up your body so it looks real nice. Is it all fact, is it fiction who the fuck knows”.

Preppy started his blog over five years ago as a diary he shared with friends and “as it grew bigger and bigger I started writing less personal stuff and it became an amalgamation of fiction and reality”. Meeting LP in real life is nerve-racking (line of coke before she left home?) . He is wearing a blue sweater by Ralph Lauren, blue jeans, white sneakers and a huge designer bag that is filled with his gym clothes. Preppy takes a seat opposite a mirror bitch and it is noticeable that he can’t take his eyes of ‘off’ love his Greek-like build with sparkling eyes and a chiseled jaw line Ha ha ha ha. I take it all back. This is clearly a work of fiction. His demeanor is collected (= he must be on DRUGS) , mysterious (must be that jaw line) and you are drawn to each word that comes from his mouth because you can’t understand his accent. But who really is LP? Should his blog be considered just as vanity or an end result of taking BEE’s world too seriously? Is it OK if I don’t take either option?

The content of the ‘LP’ blog follows the ‘Ellis style’ with Preppy popping copious amounts of different pills: “a comprehensive list of: 96 tablets of Tylenol PM, 32 Nytol QuickCaps, 26 Zopiclone (7.5mg) and 12 Valium (10mg)” (contacting his doctor friend for more prescriptions) and showing his obsession with his looks by going to the gym every day (This coming from a person who did a degree on writing about people’s looks). Working as an Accountant (“where you’re such a boring fuck I don’t even need to find a way to put you down”) and modeling for gay magazine covers, it is obvious that he is interested in the upscale (yes all the ridiculous magazine covers I’ve done have been extremely upscale) and conceited lifestyle (every ‘Accountant’ clearly leads a conceited lifestyle. What a glamorous job) in all aspects of his life. Also, “being dead inside will certainly help, so try to kill your spirit as early as you can. Everything else will fall naturally into place”. Evidently, Preppy appears to be numb about his presence and life around him; listing his designer outfits for the day, getting bored in nightclubs and, as Preppy enlightens in his blog, “plodding through life in a pointless manner”. Everyday life to him is “performing repetitive tasks day after day in the edge of complete and utter indifference”, and warns his readers about “happy” people: “Those people have been born with a complete lack of cognitive ability – stay clear of them”. The notion of ‘life is short’ and ‘you only live once’ apparently makes Preppy nauseous: “What I say to those people is that if they like life so much, they have mine too”.

Have the limits of facts and fiction come too hazy or open to flexibility for some people (Asks ___ ___ for the 23rd time) ? As LP asked earlier, “Is it all fact, is it fiction, who the fuck knows?” LP does apparently ensure that he is just ‘fascinated’ by the world Mr Ellis creates in his books, and therefore maintains he is not a stalker (I don’t know love, it’s not me who contacted BEE’s agent, found his personal facebook page and messaged him there too like a crazy fangirl) . “I appreciate his philosophy as it comes through his writing. I share similar concerns. Therefore, I don’t consider myself ‘a fan’. I don’t want to go through his rubbish or get his autograph”. But is his blog all evidence to the contrary? I don’t know, is your body shape all evidence that you should not be wearing these leggings His latest blog entry is an excited note on an interview with BEE by John Flynn in Fantastic Man no.9 in Spring 2009, mentioning his name. Preppy writes: ‘So there we have it. BEE’s Mum has seen this blog. BEE has seen this blog. If this doesn’t mean LP has come full circle, I don’t now what does’. The worrying fact Awww…I got her worried now. What a caring person. I foresee a career in erm…fashion journalism is that the mentioning of LP was in connection of talking about ‘crazy’ fans. Paul Flynn writes in Fantastic Man: “How does it feel to know there is a stranger wandering about with your name tattooed on him?” BEE: “It’s strange, you know?”. This time there is a long pause than usual’. Fantastic editing skills there, The London Lite showbiz pages beckon

LP decided to have another tattoo done as another milestone (yes, English is her second language, well spotted) to Mr Ellis’ work, which is carved (!) on his back: “___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Less Than Zero”. The evidence speaks for itself… Evidence eh. What was I on trial for? I want a verdict please. Oh wait, it must be that question that kept popping up every second sentence: Are some people too fucking stupid to distinguish between reality and fictionzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Anyway, that was all. I don’t really mind what ___ ___ has written at the end of the day. She had to find an angle for her essay, the angle she chose was that I’m stupid and obsessed. Whatever. What I find quite lame though is the easy way out that she took. “Oh he likes Bret Easton Ellis, he must hate the world, approve of violence, be shallow and materialistic”. This is a beyond clich├ęd view of what “Mr Ellis” writes. It’s recycling every tabloid, low-rent talk show and Heat-magazine punchline from the last 18 years. I’m looking forward to reading insightful, unprecedented articles from ___ ___ in Reveal magazine about Madonna being the Queen of reinvention, Kate Moss’ status as a style icon, Amy Winehouse destroying her talent through drug abuse and Posh Spice being too thin by the end of the year.

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Friday 14/08/09

I’m maybe sat on my bed or most likely whoever’s couch I’m sleeping on this Thursday 26th March earlier this year, when I get an email from an unidentified female that tells me:

“Hello London Preppy,

I got your e-mail from your facebook site, I was wondering if you would like to answers some questions about your lifestyle and about your 'fascination' about Bret Easton Ellis?

My name is ___ ___ and I'm a student at ___ in ___. I'm doing my final major project BA (Hons) in Fashion Journalism and I have decided to do a magazine called 'Glamorama' that is an homage to Mr. Ellis and his work. This magazine will appear in my University's graduate fashion week and of course will be viewed by my teachers.

Hope to hear back from you, I'd love to talk to you more!

Best,

___ ___”

Now, generally I’m very bored and severely self-obsessed, which is a dangerous combination in terms of making myself available to anyone who wants to dedicate some time and attention to me, so I write back:

“Hi ___,

Of course. I'd be happy to help. Let me know.

Best,

LP”

Then ___ replies that this is great and she will soon send me some interview questions, then ___ sends me some interview questions.

The questions vary between the extremely challenging ones that I’ve never heard before (“Do you wish to remain anonymous as London Preppy”, “Why did you start writing your blog”, “Are you a big fan of Bret Easton Ellis”), which I close my eyes, tie one arm behind my back and respond to, and the clearly misguided insane ones, which I really don’t know how to answer (“Do you realize that Mr. Ellis’ purpose on writing nihilistic books is the fact that he hates that world”).

Answers that I give include:

“I started the blog over two years ago. It was a personal diary that I wrote and shared with friends. I never set any targets, as in, I want to have this many thousand readers a day. As it grew bigger and bigger I started writing less personal stuff and it became a mix of fiction and reality”

“The tattoo is a declaration of how appealing his work is to me. I’m not really interested in Bret Easton Ellis as a person, or as a celebrity. I wouldn’t want to meet him and “hang out” with him and neither do I idolise him. I appreciate his philosophy as it comes through his writing. I share similar concerns. Therefore, I don’t consider myself “a fan”. I don’t want to go through his rubbish or get his autograph”

I send the email a few days later and forget about it.

I continue to play the role of a human being for a couple more months as I have been doing for the last 29 years and then on 6th May I receive the following email:

“Hi LP,

I don't know if you remember me, I'm the girl who asked you a few questions for my final major project in Fashion Journalism. I'm still working on my articles and was wondering if you would be up for doing a face to face interview with me?

Thanks, ___”

I’m liking this a little bit less because I can’t be bothered, but regardless I agree to meet up and play. This meeting takes place in early May.

We go to some coffee shop and ___ buys me a hot chocolate. She tells me that she wanted to meet up with me, because my answers over email were disappointing, I didn’t come across crazy enough, I was ruining her angle and she was finding it difficult to write her piece. She asks me more or less the same questions again in person this time, and I see that I’m boring her, I’m clearly not the psychopath she was hoping for, I’m not as obsessive as the blog makes me look, basically I’m not London Preppy. The only time I see her eyes light up is when I mention what the tattoo down my back says (which I’ve never revealed on the blog) – basically another Bret Easton Ellis reference. I can see that this is something she will use.

The interview ends, she tells me that I’m boring again, begins to question whether I actually write London Preppy myself.

At the end of the day this is perhaps my fault. If people want to interview London Preppy, perhaps I should answer like London Preppy. I’m new to this though, I don’t know how to do it.

Anyway, about a week ago I remember this whole thing again and send ___ and email to ask how it all went, and can I see the article please. ___ replies (after my third email) and sends me a link with the article.

I start to read, and whatever sedatives I’ve taken today are simply not enough. ___ has chosen to go down her original route and up-craze me, because I guess it reads better. So she’s making me come across as a complete nutcase, a terminally flawed character, an absolute idiot. Now, I’m not exactly sure, but I think I can respond on here. So I will. In long-standing London Preppy tradition, I will copy her article and make comments as we go along with whatever I want to say.

This is too long a post already so I’ll take a break and post article / reply shortly.

Monday, 10 August 2009

Tuesday 11/08/09

My laptop is currently broken, but we don’t need to worry because I have an appointment to get it fixed this week, following which I'm writing a post where I'll be very angry about something / someone and those are the best ones.