Friday, 19 June 2009

Friday 19/06/09

On Thursday A Girl emails me and sends me a screenshot of her bank balance, a bank balance which includes £335,000 which her parents sent her as a deposit for a flat she’s buying in London. And A Girl says:


“Here’s a picture I’m not going to see ever again, so we better make the most of it”


Her account is £355,980.23 in credit.


A Girl also says: “I went in the bank at lunchtime to cancel a cheque and the clerk who was doing this looked up when my balance came on the screen and said ‘You have a lot of money in your account. Do you know what you’re going to do with it?’”


I says: “What did you tell him?”


A Girl says: “I said, I’m buying a flat”


I says: “Yes, well, I suppose this isn’t a time to be joking…”


A Girl says: “I regret it now though. What a wasted opportunity. If I could go back, I would have said one of the following:


- I’m adopting an orphan baby from Malawi

- I’m hiring someone to murder my possessive boyfriend

- I'm buying a Krispy Kreme shop

- I'm expecting a delivery of ___ from South America


I says: “These are all good, but you could definitely play around with them a bit. I would have said one of the following:


- I'm hiring someone to murder my possessive baby

- I'm expecting a delivery of Krispy Kremes from Malawi

- I'm adopting my orphan boyfriend

- I'm buying South America


Oh, and by the way, I have directed all calls from my mobile phone to your office number, I hope you don’t mind. If the phone rings, can you please answer and tell them I’ve passed away. Whoever it may be. Thank you”


A Girl says: “You don’t really want me to do that do you, because I will”


I says: “You have my full permission”


A Girl says: “OK then. I plan on saying ‘I’m sorry he’s no longer with us, funeral services are being held at 1pm on Monday at St Catherine’s church in Bayswater, thank you for your call’”


I says: “I wouldn’t have it any other way”

4 comments:

abristolnovella said...

a truly beautiful friendship

Trybaby said...

You are a zombie........

Oldyeller said...

In the words of a song composed by an aging Brit:

You can't know how I've missed you
In this ever spinning playground
Everything's as if we never said goodbye.

uberbastard said...

I think Agia Sofia should be more appropriate...
On another note, miss you terribly boy