On Monday it's A Girl's birthday and at 1954, I receive a text message from her: "If you could see me now you would laugh or cry or both. I’m alone in a dark corner of one of my local pubs listening to my iPod drinking Guinness and looking more than slightly insane. “So drink drink and get ill tonight”. Best birthday ever"
On Tuesday at 2024, I receive another text message from A Girl: "Oh and before I forget, here is a drunken photo of me from last night for you to remember my once in a lifetime 29th birthday"
At 2031, I reply: "Thank you. And here’s a picture of me sitting in some corner on the kitchen floor, keeping myself warm near the oven, listening to a Placebo version of Running Up That Hill on repeat in the background"
At 2036, I reply: "It’s draw. But we both lose"
At 2123, A Girl replies: "Clearly"
Later this evening, I go in my room, close and lock the door behind me – even though there’s no one else at home, there never is – make a playlist of six Gene songs on my laptop (Sick Sober And Sorry / Haunted By You / We Could Be Kings / This Is Not My Crime / Olympian / For The Dead) and change into: light blue t-shirt with I Fucked Paris Hilton written on the front in white stencil and a pair of white Marks & Spencer’s boxer shorts.
As Sick Sober And Sorry goes into the second verse (“For all the things I’ve spoken and all the times I fell, for one taste of the good life I would kill”) I open my bedside cabinet and take out all the pills I can see. A comprehensive list of: 96 tablets of Tylenol PM, 32 Nytol QuickCaps, 26 Zopiclone (7.5mg) and 12 ½ Valium (10mg).
By the end of the first verse of Haunted By You (“Your chance has gone, you’re not so strong, your words they cannot harm me now”), I have taken three of each.
I decide to wait for the chorus of For The Dead to take another set of twelve pills, but by the second verse of Olympian (“I’m taking your life for you”) my eyes are already shut and I’m drifting off. Sadly just to sleep.
At 0531, awake again, I send a text message to A Girl: I have tried and I have failed. I’ll take it as a slap in the face that I’ve actually never felt so alive as I do now. If I used such dirty words as “irony”, now would be the time.
At 0538, A Girl replies: You did your best. You’re way in over your head, but that where you want to be. Also I can’t thank you enough for waking me up from a ridiculously annoying dream, where I was in an airport casino playing a casino style version of monopoly and losing terribly.
26 comments:
Damn dude, Placebo version of Running Up That Hill is the problem listen to Kate Bushs' original.
Maybe you unwittingly made a deal with god whilst singing along on the kitchen floor...
Placebo version of Running Up That Hill - love that song.
Hopefully the pill part was fiction.
Going with the theme:
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/fail-owned-suicide-ad-placement-fail.jpg
while i do find your morbid sense of humor hilarious i think we both know you're gonna get in trouble for this post.
p.s. have a very sexy knee.
Your "The adventures of LP and A-Girl" posts are my favourite. (by adventures i mean you two sitting around sending bizarre text messages when you're bored.) I want to know more about her. Where is she from in the states? What brings her to the UK? I know you won't/can't answer these because she is just a made up person anyways.
I'm bothered by irony too. Not real irony, but the made up irony that all the hipster kids are obsessed with. The thing about it is that they usually don't actually understand irony and get it wrong...which is ironic.
*checks wrists for slash marks*
tsk, amateur!
phoenix: I'm just not good at this, am I?
maluminas: How apt
dick: I'm looking forward to the trouble
jeff: I'll see what I can find out
gash: Ah, very good!
A Girl is right that (at least as you perceive it) you are way in over your head, but this is what you set out to do and this is where you should be.
Speaking of pills, I know you won't forget to have Donnell help you load up on the prescription ones before you depart.
LP,
I think it's fair to say that your readers love that you are such a failure. I guess thats one more slap in the face.
Did you fine a flatmate in Sydney yet?
I don't think any of my friends, however close, would ever reply within 7 minutes to a text sent at 0531. At best I'd get (and expect) a curt "WTF? You f**king woke me up!".
A Girl must be very amenable indeed...
Anyhow, here's a suggestion for your next t-shirt purchase:
http://www.asos.com/Saviour/Saviour-Salford-Lads-Club-Print-T-Shirt/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=394553&cid=3597&clr=White&sh=0
I liked yesterday's better.
XSpecky
i find it amazing how a greek guy can be so smooth! by smooth i mean hairless. body hair, that is.
graham: No :-(
brother: Yes please!
anon: Maybe I'll keep putting the same post up day after day?
anon: Is this just by looking at the top of my knee?
oldy: I'm defo on it
What if one day you succeed?
Have you thought about us?
No more London Preppy, I don't want to think about it.
just in case you havent heard...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/verena-von-pfetten/tan-is-the-new-tacky_b_80250.html
d: Fuck yeah!
November 29th, 2008...Sydney
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=5107943
Thought you might be interested
Two questions
1. Did you find your straight
roommate yet?
2. When is the "Slave for one Day" contest - because if you don't bid for PPT, I will
anon: Brilliant, thanks! Sydney looking up by the day. I'll be there
always: 1. Nothing yet and 2. 18th October
Ah good luck with that, dude.
I do like that dynamic of being gently teased about the gay thing but I think it only works with good and established friends. I am not sure it would be so ok if it was some strange new guy.
Unless of course he was hot, walking around shirtless all the time and getting very touchy-feely when he gets drunk and you sit on the sofa late at night talking about life and love.... now that is a different story, I am sure.
[smiley]
LP said: anon: Is this just by looking at the top of my knee?
that and the pic of your torso in your blog banner. and yeah not much facial hair too (no grayish area where hair were shaved from). maybe you're not really greek after all?
[insert wink smiley]
that pic is hilarious!!!.....george
Has only skimmed your entry: I have over a week of your posts to catch up on (been in Belarus and on a horse ranch in Hungary on 'retreat' - don't ask), but *thank you* for mentioning the Placebo cover of Kate Bush's 'running up that hill'...
...it's brilliant and I've just downloaded the whole album, 'Covers', from iTunes
wow, I've never been exessively attracted to London Preppy until the second I saw that oven photo
I thought I was the only person left who still listened to Gene. Whew. I still think that first album is amazing.
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