Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Wednesday 10/09/08

This is suddenly Monday, one of the last few Mondays actually of life as we currently know it.  And on this Monday I’m putting in one of the last few appearances as London Office Worker #3, a role which grew stale months ago, in a play that no one wants to see. 

On the way to work I read A Girl’s horoscope in the Metro newspaper, which tells me that it’s a day for self-improvement and development for people under her star sign.  “A good day to join an evening class”. 

Reeling with anger, I walk in the office and email A Girl instantly: 

“What evening learning courses have you enrolled on?  Sometimes I feel I have to read your horoscope to find out your news” 

A Girl replies: 

“Thank you for updating me on my life as well.  I walked to work and missed the horoscopes this morning. Lately I’ve taken on some self-guided life coaching courses, which typically involve me sitting alone in a pub, listening to Morrissey or The Smiths and trying to teach myself how to live.  I think it’s going well” 

Satisfied with this answer and still on a high from six vitamin C tablets I chewed for breakfast, I continue rocking on my office chair looking at the wall, when I receive the following email from Brendan. 

Brendan appears to have written a day’s post for me, so I don’t have to: 

“On this particular Tuesday I wake up and see that it is pouring with rain outside. But if I have learnt anything it is that everything turns out miserable anyway so I take comfort from the fact that I did not let yesterday's sunshine fill me with any hope. 

I'm due on set at 0930 hours to shoot some office scenes (again) so decide I better get ready and 20 minutes later I am on the tube wearing as my outfit for today: clothes. 

In the office I find A-Girl is already on set and we rehearse our lines.  Someone calls 'action' and I go through the motions but on the inside I am really only looking forward to our lunch break when A-Girl and me will be able to head outside, lie down on some graves (it's important to practice for death - it could come at any moment) and listen to Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division on repeat for an hour. Oh and we might visit the Energie store too. 

At 1053 hours the script says I am to sit at my computer which I do and then an email arrives from Brendan saying 'Hey ___, so how r u?'. This isn't in the script and I momentarily panic before just improvising, so I” 

Very good. 

In any case, on Monday after work I head to the gym, where I punch the receptionist on the way in (she looked at me the wrong way), get changed, do legs and abs, go back in the changing room, storm into some guy’s cubicle whilst he’s showering, push him to the ground and empty the shower gel on him (Lynx Touch Revitalising – 250ml), find the DKNY suit, Marks & Spencer’s shirt, Zara shoes, gym kit and trainers somebody else has left on a bench whilst they’re showering, stuff them in my oversized Ralph Lauren bag and leave. 

At home I realize that none of these items fit me and try to care. 

Oh and it’s the last day of the ebay London Preppy scrapbook – link here.

17 comments:

AlwaysReadySF said...

How much soon after quitting work are you leaving for Sydney?

Will you just roam the streets of London in search of inspiration for a few weeks before going or are you departing immediately?

London Preppy said...

always: I don't really want to say on here (not to you in particular of course, just generally)

AlwaysReadySF said...

OK, no worries.

Just another blow that life is throwing at me.

Nothing to be surprised of.

[insert smiley]

Anonymous said...

Your gym ‘story’- very good.

I agree Brendan did a good take off. Especially liked “my outfit for today: clothes”

Gav Dublin said...

You must have been extremely bored at work today to dream/live out that punching the receptionist/ clothes stealing scenario. I do like, however, the expensive suit/cheap shirt reference. Very good.

limehousetrader said...

Will you still be doing this blog when you go or will we have to search for Sydney Preppy?

One other thing... you have spent the summer avoiding sunshine and the resultant tan. You do realise that you'll be heading to the southern hemisphere just in time for their summer sunshine don't you? What will you do?

Will we get to see another post of you showing off your vaguely obscene gold Aussiebums when you are there?

Say yes.

Simon said...

Looks like it's going to be another good ebay result - better than that very disappointing £6.55 for the Speedos last year

London Preppy said...

gav: "It's all true"

limehouse: I haven't decided about the tan / pale thing when I'm in Sydney. Or the Aussiebums. I haven't decided on the person that I want to be when I'm there yet. I just have a name for him

Oldyeller said...

Continuing the LP interrogation of the other commenters, will Mean still be in Australia when you go? I assume he is not in Sydney howsoever? If you decline to answer, I will smother my disappointment as did Always.

London Preppy said...

simon: bad times with those Speedos!

oldy: I'm answering this one, sure. Mean is still in London. It's Matty who's moved to Sydney and yes, he'll still be there when I go = instant social group

Maluminas said...

Can you stuff A Girl in your oversized Ralph Lauren bag and smuggle her into Australia with you? I'm sure she wouldn't mind as long as you leave a hole open for air. Texting from Sydney to London repeatedly can't be cheap.

Phoenix said...

You sound like you're having problems distinguishing between fantasy and reality. *ups medication*

Oldyeller said...

Sorry, mixed up a couple of your straight friends.-- So Matty's presence there should ease the trauma of your moving a bit. It will be interesting for those of us who've never been to AUS to experience the move through your (I mean LP's) eyes.

Ben said...

LOL... genius i love your blog more!

Trans Fat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

LP, on your way to Sydney, I am pretty confident (60%) you will do have stop over in my motherland. Care to visit my gym? sorta of anonymous - LC

george said...

hey you forgot to mention stabbing someone putting up flyers on the gym wall as you storm out....george