So on Saturday I meet up with
For this event I’m wearing a Smiths t-shirt, G-Star jeans and white Lonsdale trainers. Not that I owned any G-Star jeans or Lonsdale trainers when I was a teenager, but please play along.
First we go to Madams Tussaud’s. In case you don’t know – and quite frankly, if you’re not a 13-year-old first time tourist in
So we queue for a bit, pay too much money and finally go inside where we’re instantly hit with Madonna. Now, why. Why would they shove Madonna right at the start, throwing her in our face like an opening act, like some middle aged has-been with her brightest moments 15+ years behind her, attracting minimal interest from today’s youth? Oh wait.
Anyway, I still kinda like Madonna so I sit between her knees and have my picture taken by
Then we walk around a bit seeing famous people that we don’t care about, when
And sometimes in your life, a miserable life really mostly spent trying to feel something, anything, to keep you going, fate will throw you a good hand. And when this happens, you have to grab the opportunity, look down its shirt, and stick your tongue down its throat.
And this is exactly what I do when we bump into Johnny Wilkinson.
This is my first picture with Johnny. I’m not over the shock yet, so all I can manage is to put my arm around his shoulders and cheesy grin like I’ve just won the lottery. Let’s try to remember that this is just me coming across a lifeless wax model of some guy I’m never likely to meet. A lifeless. Wax. Model.
Also, either I have a tiny head, or they just make theirs too big.
In the second picture, I don’t know exactly what I’m doing but I certainly don’t have any regrets.
In the third picture I am trying to hump Johnny Wilkinson from behind, but there are two old Indian ladies staring at me from behind Enid who’s taking the picture and I can’t stop laughing. In retrospect, this picture would have been better if I had grabbed Johnny’s hair and were looking a bit more serious.
In the fourth picture I am peeking down Johnny’s shirt trying to look inconspicuous. Like I do this on a daily basis really, and it’s not such a big deal.
In the fifth picture, 2 become 1.
People still ask me now how it felt the day that I kissed Johnny, and I can finally reveal that he kisses very hard – almost like colliding head on with a statue perhaps – but leaves a soft, waxy taste on your lips.
The rest of the Madame Tussaud visit fades into insignificance after this and we’re soon out, heading for dinner.
After dinner we go over to the
Here are some pictures.
Skinny white boys with guitars. What else do you need.