Sunday, 7 September 2008

Monday 08/09/08

So on Saturday I meet up with Enid and this is a meeting with the theme Let’s Revisit Our Teens. Being a teenager was never good the first time round, so I don’t know why we’d want to go back there, but let’s face it: every year that passes is a new low, so you end up looking back at the time when you were younger with a warm glow, so warm that it burns out the retina in your mind’s eye and you delude yourself that you were having a fucking blast.

For this event I’m wearing a Smiths t-shirt, G-Star jeans and white Lonsdale trainers. Not that I owned any G-Star jeans or Lonsdale trainers when I was a teenager, but please play along.

First we go to Madams Tussaud’s. In case you don’t know – and quite frankly, if you’re not a 13-year-old first time tourist in London, why would you – Madame Tussaud’s is a museum (use of word liberal) with wax models of famous people. We are quite blatantly and without any exaggeration the only people that actually live in London visiting this establishment during this Saturday afternoon. Perhaps even during this decade. The last time I went there I was, in fact, a 13-year-old first time tourist in London.

So we queue for a bit, pay too much money and finally go inside where we’re instantly hit with Madonna. Now, why. Why would they shove Madonna right at the start, throwing her in our face like an opening act, like some middle aged has-been with her brightest moments 15+ years behind her, attracting minimal interest from today’s youth? Oh wait.

Anyway, I still kinda like Madonna so I sit between her knees and have my picture taken by Enid. To be quite honest, this is too early still, we’ve just got there, I’m not warmed up yet, I haven’t realised that you can interact with the celebrities in any way you think is appropriate. So I don’t mount Madonna, and the picture is a bit lame.

Then we walk around a bit seeing famous people that we don’t care about, when Enid informs me that that is also a sports section.

And sometimes in your life, a miserable life really mostly spent trying to feel something, anything, to keep you going, fate will throw you a good hand. And when this happens, you have to grab the opportunity, look down its shirt, and stick your tongue down its throat.

And this is exactly what I do when we bump into Johnny Wilkinson.

This is my first picture with Johnny. I’m not over the shock yet, so all I can manage is to put my arm around his shoulders and cheesy grin like I’ve just won the lottery. Let’s try to remember that this is just me coming across a lifeless wax model of some guy I’m never likely to meet. A lifeless. Wax. Model.

Also, either I have a tiny head, or they just make theirs too big.

In the second picture, I don’t know exactly what I’m doing but I certainly don’t have any regrets.

In the third picture I am trying to hump Johnny Wilkinson from behind, but there are two old Indian ladies staring at me from behind Enid who’s taking the picture and I can’t stop laughing. In retrospect, this picture would have been better if I had grabbed Johnny’s hair and were looking a bit more serious.

Yes, I have sweat marks. That's what men do.

In the fourth picture I am peeking down Johnny’s shirt trying to look inconspicuous. Like I do this on a daily basis really, and it’s not such a big deal.

In the fifth picture, 2 become 1.

People still ask me now how it felt the day that I kissed Johnny, and I can finally reveal that he kisses very hard – almost like colliding head on with a statue perhaps – but leaves a soft, waxy taste on your lips.

The rest of the Madame Tussaud visit fades into insignificance after this and we’re soon out, heading for dinner.

After dinner we go over to the Astoria, where we see Ash play a gig, running through their debut album 1977 track by track in order. This came out when Enid and I we were both 16, and it’s the second part of the Teenage Revival evening. Unfortunately in our 28-year-old ears the music sounds a bit shit, so we make an early exit when they’ve finished playing all the singles (track 10 – Angel Interceptor). I’m kinda proud that I still remember the chorus to Kung Fu though.

Here are some pictures.

Skinny white boys with guitars. What else do you need.

That’s all.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I've never been to M.T.'s but do feel inspired after this post. Did Johnny actually look like Johnny? In the picture he resembles a cousin or perhaps not a very good looky-likey. He is quite shiney, I imagine Johnny to have more of a matt finish.

Graham said...

I have to say, the fact that you sweat makes me feel better. Who are these people who never seem to sweat? I don't trust them one bit. Even unconscious people sweat. I think even brain-dead people sweat.

On a separate note, madonna looks like shit. I wouldn't have recognised her from that pic. Was she any better in real (wax) life?

London Preppy said...

specky: It's definitely worth going. I'm actually planning a second visit for more photo ops

graham: No. She did not look like the Madonna I know at all. In fact, if she hadn't been dressed in that outfit, I would have thought it was some museum cleaner on her break, having a rest

AlwaysReadySF said...

Johnny seems to enjoy being taken from behind a lot more than I would have thought.

It's only natural that you would be sweating while doing him.

I would too.

That's all.

London Preppy said...

always: That is a perfectly good reason. Thank you

d said...

yeah, but its a wax museum... doesnt it have to be pretty cold/cool in there? not that i have a prob with your sweat... sweat on a guy is not a bad thing, some guys even get off on that... but was it that warm in a wax museum?

London Preppy said...

d: It was pretty warm. They're wax but they're not oft or anything. It feels like plastic.

In any case I'll get sweat marks at ANY temperature

James said...

Do they have one of Danny Cipriani, my latest obsession? If so, I may just be tempted into a visit.

London Preppy said...

james: Sadly not. Only Johnny out of rugby players. A very poor show

AlwaysReadySF said...

I think you should buy a used mannequin and be photographed in all sorts of compromising poses with IT.

You could act with IT all those positions that in which you have fantasized you would put those straight boys in your basement.

That would make for a great posting.

Am I beginning to sound too much like dickophile? If so I will send my pictures to the police myself.

timbo said...

You do look so extremely happy & excited in that first pic! It's kind of uplifting to see someone in this cynical world get so much pleasure out of something so simple.

I went to MT's once after much prodding by a friend and I liked it way more than I was comfortable with. Guess there are more dorks out there than one would imagine.

Who knew that you could manhandle the figures like that? I expected that getting too close would result in alarms and a well-armed group of large black lady guards to descend upon me.

Phoenix said...

Madam Tussauds? Meh, never again. Friend had never been and tried to get me to go with him. I might have, if they still had the Planetarium next door, that was awesome!

What has happened to Ash anyways? *hums stay in love forever*

London Preppy said...

always: The police have been informed

Am I beginning to sound like one of the anonymous commenters?

timbo: It really is the simplest things that make one happy. Also I can genuinely say I cannot remember the last time I laughed as hard as when Enid took the kissing picture. We were literally on the floor at MT's

phoenix: Yes, but could you grope the Planetarium?

kim said...

I'm so glad to see the sweat marks as finally we have proof that YOU are not a wax model ... a wax model that has been dragged around London by a destroyed old hag, taking photos of you alongside all sorts of muscle boys and office girls, and writing witty stories about your apparent life and gym sessions.

and why are we commenting about sweat marks when you've just posted pics of you banging Mr Wilkinson ... that shows you how desensitised to love/passion/sex we have all become.

Anonymous said...

I like the story of how you and Enid ‘met’
The fact that you have remained such good friends, throughout these many years and life changes, speaks volumes about the character of both of you.

That being said, I think your naysayers should reevaluate their assumptions of you and/or LP.


Anonymous said...

Umm, the sweat stains are incredibly hot.

Southern Bloke said...

Ha ha ha I couldnt have summed up my lame trip to the "museum" myself.

Alex said...

LP I'm glad to hear of you having so much fun.

And I love your pit-stains remark: you're such a straight boy.

This is definitely another one of those "I wish I were LP" posts.

AlwaysReadySF said...

Yes you are beginning to sound as "Anon Preppy". That's pretty catchy, actually.

I just re-read the post. I think I found another favorite quote.

"....every year that passes is a new low, so you end up looking back at the time when you were younger with a warm glow, so warm that it burns out the retina in your mind’s eye and you delude yourself that you were having a fucking blast."

So.Fucking. True. And. Ace.

Anonymous said...

What happened to your music player? That was cool!!

kim said...

it's probably just as well it's about to start getting cold in London ... apparently this is the latest fashion for summer out here in Oz ...

non fat latte said...

You really need your eyebrows trimmed.

DL said...

HAHA. Thank you for explaining what that picture was from your previous post. I was really confused. I couldn't tell it was a wax statue at first.. but the scary eyes kinda gave it away after a while.

Well I'm glad you had fun at the wax museum. We have one here in the states in Las Vegas. :)

London Preppy said...

kim: Well maybe I am a wax model and the sweat marks were added for authenticity

southern: Also, you look very cute

anon: I'd have to eventually go and keep the changing the songs on the music player and then I couldn't be bothered to do that. Sorry!

kim: Oh my God. I'm ready then

non fat: Never EVER!

Trybaby said...

I like your smile in the first photo.

thebewlaybrother said...

Feeling nostalgia for your yoof already? I'd say a voluntary trip to Madame Tussaud's is a sure sign of impending mental collapse.

Looking forward to the next installment: Drinking Cider on a Playing Field (It was all the rage in Dublin when I was a teen, though I'm guessing you didn't do that as a kid in Greece?)

phoenix said...

Hmm, touche...

Anonymous said...

wow - M.T. is usually good with the wax figures, but that Madonna looks more like Courtney Love or some haggard lady than Maddy!