Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Wednesday 20/08/08

On Monday I go to the gym where things happen, but I can’t say what things – the annoying part about having a semi-successful blog is that you don’t know who’s reading it so you can’t say much about anyone.  So I can’t share what’s been happening in the gym over the last few weeks in connection some other guy who works out there.  Even though I really wish it would stop.  Oh well. 

What I can share is that on Monday in the gym after doing legs and abs, I go in the changing room, undress, wear a towel, leave my underwear on a bench by mistake, go shower, come back, remember that I’ve left my underwear there, realise they have been stolen.  And this is a pair of boxer-briefs from Calvin Klein, black, with a grey/silver waistband that my sister bought me for my birthday or name day or something or other this year.  Because I don’t buy any underwear apart from daggy ones from Marks & Spencer’s these days of course. (Thanks Brendan for the term daggy)

Then I get dressed and go upstairs and ask the woman at reception whether anyone handed a dirty pair of underwear in, and unfortunately the woman says no.  Not that I’m complaining really, I would have done the same.  We know the rules: anything left in the changing room for more than 9 seconds without a visible owner no more than three feet away is up for grabs. 

Later at home I find out that another gymnast has accepted my facebook friend request, and this is a particularly good one, because: 

a) His profile is linked to his girlfriend’s (I like that)

b) He is short and blond and tan

c) He has lots of pictures of himself going out getting pissed with his mates

 …but best of all…

 d) He has two photo albums of going surfing in Newquay (if I weren’t so contemptuous about the use of exclamation marks I would put two right here) 

And on this Monday evening at 2045, this is who I want to be: a short, blond, tan gymnast with a girlfriend, several drinking buddies and camping surfing holidays in Newquay (9.8/10) 

And on this Monday evening at the same time really, I am: a short, pale, brown-haired non-gymnast with a boyfriend, several buddies I don’t want to drink with and B&B surfing holidays in Newquay (6.3/10) 

On Tuesday at work A Girl finds this website which calculates your body fat if you put in your height, weight and Body Mass Index, and the concept that a website can work this out from a distance without any real life measurements is so ridiculous that we have to try it.  A Girl calculates her body fat, then calculates my body fat and then as a bonus she calculates the body fat of this guy at work who we choose at random, mainly because he’s bleeding annoying. 

Because we don’t know his exact height and weight, A Girl has to estimate those, which she does, and eventually gets back to me with: 

“I have estimated ___’s body fat percentage as 230%.  I do think that’s likely, but I’ll go back and check my calculations just to make sure”. 

Then we go to the local graveyard for lunch and take pictures of each other lying on the graves. 



35 comments:

Gav Dublin said...

This thing in the Gym, would it,perhaps, have anything to do with the "straight" rugby guy with the strange sock fetish would it?

Or is that you?

London Preppy said...

gav: Sadly not, if anything was happening there, I wouldn't want it to stop, as I do with this

Simon said...

9.8 and 6.3 seem very exact - i assume you made up a spreadsheet?

London Preppy said...

simon: There is an algorithm in there [insert wink]

AlwaysReadySF said...

Where's A Girl picture on the grave. I think you should have had a person passing by take a picture of the two of you laying on the grave together :-)

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

I think the picture of you lying on the grave would have worked better with the bleached hair, but it's not bad as it is.

London Preppy said...

always: Double grave eh? Will look for that one

neighbours: And a suit. I should be wearing a suit really

d said...

jesus... if youre life is a 6.3... what the hell is mine?

and smashing pumpkins... great band to listen to... not so much to watch.

London Preppy said...

d: I like that video though! I took it down because I decided to make a post with videos that I like and comment on them. Just one post instead of attaching them at the end of several posts with no comment

d said...

oh its gone already!...ah... good idea for a whole post... yeah... they have a few videos that are alright, i guess... but that whole 'adams family' thing... not so much.

your choice just made me go and find possibly my favorite SP song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2snP7rGP6g&feature=related

but then again im a sentimental fool

Oldyeller said...

As I recall, you are 5'8", right? That is the average height of men in England, slightly higher than the average height of men in Greece, and 1/2" taller than the dwarfs in the U.S. So, you only qualify as short in your own mind (a self-deprecating thing I'll bet). Unfortunately, looking ahead I believe Australian men average 6'7" or so. :>)

timbo said...

You would not have stolen someone's dirty underwear. I hope the person who did it gets a tumor in his scrotum.

Why does it look like autumn already in that graveyard? It's kind of spooky that it should look so dead even in the summer. Is it a Disney sort of thing where they scatter about artificial dead leaves to create a proper cemeterial atmosphere?

London Preppy said...

oldy: These average heights are way off, but thanks for the god intentions anyway!

timbo: It's always autumn when I'm around

ty said...

It's always weird when you mention stuff about the gym now that I go to the same one. It just seems so odd to hear about the trainers and other guys working out there and them seeing them later in the day during my workout

phoenix said...

Underwear theft :S All I have to worry about in my gym is people filming guys getting changed and posting it on the internet - yes, apparently it happens and now mobile phone usage in changing rooms is banned.

I walk past a graveyard every day to work, I find it's a good reminder of my mortality and how everyone is equal when they're all rotting in the ground.

Gav Dublin said...

Oh, by the way. If you are having problems in they Gym, of any serious nature, I am sure Graham, myself and other members of the Dublin Gay Mafia who are your loyal readers could, aham, "sort it out", innit.

(Insert duplicitous smiley)

Ja said...

LP, please tell me you're being stalked. If so we must compare their tactics.

Godfrey Off the Grid said...

always thrilled to find another person who shares my disdain for over-using of exclamation points (let alone multiples).

tough break on the underwear though. who does that. especially after you've obviously been at the gym and sweating in them for however long.

i think you should post flyers.

Superchilled said...

They didn't have your underwear in lost property... have you tried Ebay?

dickophile said...

what's your body fat? (notice todays comment doesnt mention nipples, dicks, or fucking. i think its because now that i have your underwear im feeling sexually satisfied.)

Graham said...

LP,
'it's always autumn when I'm around'

This is my favourite quotation from you. The gymnast sounds hot. Do we not get his name?

Maluminas said...

Lying on someone's grave? Not superstitious, are you? O_o

But it looks a bit small for you, so if the dead wakes up to bring you to the underworld with him as payback for your disrespect, at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing he's gonna have a hell of a hard time fitting you both in there...

jhkirkendall said...

" ...a short, pale, brown-haired..."

But is your hair REALLY brown? Who the hell knows anymore?

--Joe in L.A.

London Preppy said...

ty: You really have to make yourself known to me. This is freaking me out a bit - knowing that somebody is there that reads this but I don't know who they are. Don't worry, I don't want to chat to you, I'm sure you don't want to chat to me, I just need to know once

ja: Nah, I don't think I am. I'm just the victim of theft

dickophile: 76%

graham: I couldn't give his name! That would be a bit crappy of me

joe: Let's go with brown for now

Anonymous said...

what's that thing next to your right thigh?

Quigley Cox said...

I'm glad you're contemptuous of exclamation marks. F. Scott Fitzgerald said they should never be used because it's like laughing at your own jokes.Have I quoted this before? I'm painfully embarrassed to note that I've used them in comments before!

Chris B said...

Hey LP - also on the topic of being preppy - you should chck out the posh preppy look that the Sartorialist loves to photograph and blog about - http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

Nathan said...

If it's something someone is doing, and you don't want them to do it, then wouldn't mentioning it on your blog in the off chance they read it be the perfect indirect and passive-aggressive way of letting them know?

Please do it.

AlwaysReadySF said...

Everybody gives a round of applause to dickophile for his restrain in not mentioning dick, nipples, etc.

Good behavior should always be rewarded!

[insert smartass smiley]

Oldyeller said...

OK, 5'9" or so in the UK is more accurate, but still.....(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height)

Timmy said...

I agree with superchilled. Check ebay and see if your underwear is being auctioned off.

j said...

alright. the grave part is just too funny. i think i might explode.

London Preppy said...

anon: My wallet. I'm buried like a Pharaoh

nathan: Fine. Give me half an hour

bobaloba said...

'bleeding annoying' - that's wonderfully idiomatic LP.

Nix said...

The grave photo is funny, and one to surprise momma with, if she's as superstitious as mine.

Meanwhile, uncross your arms, and you could be Ophuls.