Breakfast: Three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise. Two cups of coffee. One five-egg omelette. One bowl of grits. Three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar. Three chocolate-chip pancakes.
Lunch: One pound of enriched pasta. Two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayo on white bread. Energy drinks packing 1,000 calories.
Dinner: One pound of pasta. An entire pizza. More energy drinks.
For reasons too complicated even for me to comprehend I decide to get inspired by this and increase my daily calorie intake as well. Because I’m not going to swim several miles a day though to burn 12,000 calories off, I just decide to add 300 calories, so at lunchtime I go to GNC and after researching protein / energy / meal substitute bars for about 28 minutes, I buy 12 Proto Pure Chocolate Deluxe bars (with 32g of protein, 26g of carbs and 7g of fat per bar). This is a meal that will fill the gap between 1345 chicken and tomatoes and 1500 tomatoes.
After work and before the gym, I receive a text from A Girl, which says:
My horoscope in The Sun tell me: “the Mars Mercury alliance helps you to learn more and expect more of yourself. This can mark the start of exciting times with work or a personal project. You realise that sometimes love means letting a partner say sorry. Luck is linked to a musician”. Yours says you should check old lottery tickets
To this I reply:
Morrissey in Why Don’t You Find Out For Yourself tells us: “Don’t rake up my mistakes, I know exactly what they are”. But Morrissey in Nobody Loves Us tell us: “And we just can’t wait to make more mistakes and we just can’t wait ‘til the whole thing blows up in our face”. Make of that what you will in coordination with your horoscope.
A Girl says:
It is a complex world and Morrissex addresses this complexity in his work. On the same lines I can’t wait until tomorrow, another day. It will either be fantastic or a complete disaster. I am up for either.
Then I go to the gym where I do chest and abs, wearing my straight boy rugby inspired outfit, as described yesterday. The straight boy with the lovely nose that I stole the look from is also there and he’s wearing something very similar, whilst doing back. He actually looks over at me a few times during the workout and I can’t decide whether it’s because:
a) I’m wearing the same clothes as him and he thinks that I’m crazy and stalking him
b) I’m wearing the same clothes as him and I’ve got him fooled, he actually thinks that I also played rugby at University and he feels some sort of affinity because of our similar background
At this point, I’m willing to guess, neither.
Then I go home where I decide that I’ve had enough of the black hair and looking like a Trash regular from 1996 (quote from Enid), so I summon up Scott and we go to Boots to buy some peroxide (step 1) and brown dye again (step 2). The shade of brown I go for this time is Light Ash Brown. Why not.
On the way back home I text Donnell and Pam with the following:
I need your help. I’ll have to dye my hair brown at some point when the black starts growing out. In the meantime, do I dye it now? Is the black really hideous or should I keep it a bit longer? Do I do it tonight or not?
Donnell never replies.
Pam replies: I don’t think it looks that bad – I think it will look worse with another 2 layers of dye on it though.
So I keep the black for now.