This is the daily reminder to enter the BRB ’08 competition (send pics to firstname.lastname@example.org). Amazingly we have a couple of entries now, and they're very good too. So maybe you should also enter.
Another thing that I google on Monday apart from my (online) name, is the phrase “Bret Easton Ellis tattoo”, because I want to find out if anyone else on this planet has one. So I come across this guy’s blog, and this guy has a list of things he did in 2007 or something, and one of these things is: Got a Bret Easton Ellis tattoo.
So my next step is to email the guy and this is a conversation that unfolds like this.
Me: Hi mate, this is quite random, but I came across your blog and saw you had written that you have a Bret Easton Ellis tattoo. Is this true? I was just wondering, because I have one myself. Cheers, LP.
Him: Yeah, I've got an Ellis tattoo it's on my shin. I'm eventually going to add Gabriel Garcia-Marquez and Charles Bukowski. Where is yours? Where are you from and how did you find my blog? Peace, ___
Me: Mine's on my bicep. I've attached a picture. I've got another one that references Less Than Zero on my back. I'm from London, and you? I just typed "Bret Easton Ellis tattoo” into google and landed on your page. Was just curious if anyone else had one. It's cool that you do anyway.
That’s what we have so far.
On Tuesday I go to the gym with Scott, where we do something or other (something being back and other being abs), and Superman is there, being his usual Superman self, and I says to Scott. Oh my God, look how pale he is. I wish I were that pale. And Scott says, but you’re actually paler. And I says, why? And Scott says, because he’s human.
And I actually think that Scott only says that because he wants to please me, but I’ll take it though, I’ll take anything that I can get at this point.
Also at the gym we have Pale Personal Trainer and Pale Personal Trainer is not working, but he’s working out instead. And he’s working out with two other personal trainers from the gym, one of which is quite attractive I guess, and the other of which is very attractive indeed (even though not as attractive as Pale Personal Trainer – but who is, really?). And what we know about this attractive personal trainer guy is:
- He is about my height, but we’re willing to forgive him that
- His whole look is that of a ginger person, but he doesn’t actually have red hair. So he’s very pale and kinda red, with lots of freckles etc, but he has brown hair
- He is English
- He has a huge tattoo across his shoulders that reads ENGLAND in an elaborate gothic typeface. This is so unacceptably working class that it’s actually cool
- The highlight is that his nipples are so pale that they’re actually almost the same colour as the rest of his skin. This is one of my favourite quirky things on people
We will refer to this person as Ginger Personal Trainer from now on, even though he’s not.
So PPT and GPT are working out together, spotting each other, being the lads and that’s when I says to Scott, wouldn’t you like to be in that group and Scott says, no, and I says, I would. Straight and ladd-y and work-y out-y. And they remind me of a line out of The Secret History which I’m re-reading and the line says:
“A big boy, the sort who played football in high school. And the sort of son every father secretly wants: big and good-natured and not awfully bright, fond of sports, gifted at backslapping and corny jokes”
This is who I want to be and this is who I’m not.
Also, on Tuesday lunchtime I’m walking back to the office with a Boots chicken wrap in a plastic bag, and I come across ___, one of the two other writers for the Attitude piece I wrote recently. Remember? And ___ has a copy of the magazine which they just posted to him, and I look at it briefly (VERY briefly so I'll comment on it when I have seen it properly) and then go back in the office and email Attitude to send a copy to me. Which I should have today when I get back home.
The magazine is out in the shops on Thursday 23rd July apparently and it has Steve Jones (Channel 4 presenter) on the cover, wearing just a hairy chest.