Here’s the daily reminder for Best Reader Body competition, send your pics to email@example.com, rules here, closing date Friday 8th August. I’ve actually decided that everyone who enters will be put to the public vote* – who am I to judge after all? It’s not like I have to sleep with the winner or anything. Oh wait. (*Unless there’s a sudden surge of hundreds of entries in which case I’ll have to narrow it down for practical reasons. But that’s not going to happen, is it).
On Wednesday morning I wake up at 0852 having slept through my alarm which is set for 0820 (still under the influence of a 0200 Valium) and manage to make it into the office for 0929.
For the rest of the day I pretend to be at work, even though I suspect that I’m actually not. On some level (on many levels, really) I know that this whole thing is a set-up. Surely this broad comedy, the horrific and tragic images, the characters caught in hopeless situations forced to do repetitive and meaningless actions, the dialogues that are full of clichés and nonsense, the plots that are cyclical, all of these things cannot exist in real life outside the margins of the theatre of the absurd.
I play my role semi-convincingly until 1745 and then I go to the gym.
In the gym I continue to rehearse for this part that I want to audition for: a normal person living in London in 2008. I’m not the best judge for my own work, but I think it’s going well. Some of the other gym goers are certainly convinced.
After the gym I take the tube home, going in the same carriage, through the same door as always and standing there behind me is a group of German kids – tourists – who I’m convinced will get off at the same stop as me (they do). There are six, maybe seven of them, aged around 15-16, some boys and some girls, so I turn off Avenue D – Do I Look Like A Slut? that’s been playing on my iPod on repeat and try to listen in. My German isn’t what it used to be so I just pick up random words, but the main reason why I want to hear them is one of the boys. That boy is very, very good looking.
Even as a teenager (and let’s face it, teenagers are awkward looking, with adult noses on still childlike faces, facial hair they’re embarrassed to shave, blank looks not from pain but from inexperience, etc), he is stunning. And for the next four stops I’m trying to avoid making eye contact with him (I can’t help myself) and consider the following:
- Has the influence of his extraordinary good looks started affecting his life? Or does this happen later?
- Is he aware of it?
- Is he more popular amongst his friends because of it, or the opposite?
- Does he have a girlfriend?
Then we get to my stop, the door delays to open for a few seconds, I’m standing there right in front of it, one of the German kids uses his best English to ask me “excuse me, can you press the button to open the door for us” (if you’re not from London please note that the tube doors open automatically and no matter how much you press the buttons nothing will happen), I ignore him, the door opens, we all get out.
At home the issue of Attitude with my article in it has arrived. I open it and read it, I cringe at the pictures, I’m very pleased with the article itself – nothing has been changed.
And I wrote this in the comments yesterday, but I have to say again: I’m happy with it, because I’ve written it in the usual London Preppy style and Attitude were cool with that and just put it in as it was.
I hadn’t mentioned this before, but the theme of the article is: How available is casual sex to gay men? I.e. How easy is it to go out, find somebody you don’t know and sleep with them. And I had to go out to bars and test that, and write about it. Yes OK, hardly the most highbrow topic, but it’s a lifestyle magazine, that’s what people read in lifestyle magazines I guess.
Of course I’m not going to copy the article on here, but I’ll share one line, the line that they’ve picked to single out in big, bold font in the middle of the article (I’m sure there’s a word that describes that in magazines, but I don’t know it), and this line is:
“"After half an hour of looking at my feet, I remember that I'm out to meet people"
Anyway, this is the cover of the magazine (August ’08 issue)…
…so what we have to do now is go out and buy it, and write in to them and tell them how amazing that piece of writing is on page 59, where is the Pulitzer prize please, and can we have more of that writer. Thanks.
Finally, there’s a new poll on the right now and this is a poll that asks you to choose between the (mainly straight) people I have obsessed over in the last few months. And the shortlist is:
Jack the Personal Trainer (sample story here)
Superman (sample story here)
Pale Personal Trainer (sample story here)
Hairy Guy (sample story here)
Ginger Personal Trainer (sample story here)
And finally finally, how should I take it that Bel Ami porn star Lukas Ridgeton (or the people who manage his facebook page anyway) has become a “fan” on the facebook London Preppy fanpage? Because I’ll sleep with him if I have to.