On Friday I decide to go to work in the morning, just so that I remind myself why I lead a life of fear, stress, being told what to do, being terrified of doing it wrong, racing against time to catch imposed deadlines for insignificant tasks, and co-existing with people who have the same feelings only with different levels of acceptance.
Then I have the afternoon off because I’m going to the Wireless Festival in Hyde Park.
The Wireless Festival is the best festival ever, mainly because it takes place about 10 minutes walk from my house. It’s a shame they never have anyone good playing though.
But this Friday Morrissey is playing, so I’ve got to go to that.
So after work I go to the gym quickly and then I go home where I get changed and then I walk to the park where I meet A Girl.
Then we get in and then we sit down and use a combination of: black marker pen / eye pencil / liquid black eyeliner to write Morrissey lyrics on our skin. The black marker pen stops working after about three letters because I haven’t thought this through and I’ve put on factor 50+ sunblock, but the remaining materials are much more resilient.
I get CRIMINALLY VULGAR written on my chest and back from the Smiths song How Soon Is Now (full lyric: “I am the son of a shyness that is criminally vulgar”) and A Girl gets “but on the desk is where I want you” written across her arms.
Then we walk around doing whatever festival-goers do.
Then some woman comes up to me having recognised my lyric and tells me that she first saw Morrissey play live sixteen years ago.
Then some indie guy comes up to me having recognised my lyric and tells me that I am the muscliest Smiths fan he has ever seen. Now this would usually be a compliment in a gay club, but I know Smiths fans too well and I’m not sure he means it as a compliment or an insult. Then I tell him, yes, it’s a contradiction, isn’t it? Then I don’t remember the rest of the conversation.
Then I meet up with Bryant who’s also there and we watch Siouxsie Sioux play together, then Morrissey comes on and he’s a bit shit to be honest (but at least he plays How Soon Is Now at which point I take my top off as he’s singing the criminally vulgar line, a top I had put on by then because it was getting a bit cold), then the whole thing is over and everyone goes home.