Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Tuesday 03/05/08

So we're sat there in Koko with Enid, and to a soundtrack of Bruce Springsteen's Dancing In The Dark, which turns into Africa by Toto which turns into Heartbreaker by Dionne Warwick, which turns into something else, Enid asks me what I would be looking for ideally in a guy. And I know that you can't make ideal lists because these people only exist in your head and you're only building yourself up for disappointment or at least compromise, so here's my list:

a) I'm afraid that the person would have to be a gym-goer or heavily into sport / generally active. Or at least a professional athlete - I'd accept that, you know? I'm not even going to pretend to take the highground and say that I don't care if somebody is physically fit or not, this is what I find personally attractive and it doesn't change.

b) They would have to have an alternative edge. This is to ensure that we'd have things in common / something to talk about / shared interests / we'd want to do similar things. I mean yes I'm interested in this whole middle-class preppy thing and occasionally wear tucked in shirts, chinos and deck shoes but I wear them with a very heavy sense of irony.

(even though I hate the word irony, it's so contrived and ubiquitous, it's like calling yourself "trendy" or "cynical", i.e. the people who do, usually aren't)

In any case, yes, so if somebody is that middle-class preppy thing but only because they have never known anything else in their life, they'd probably not want to go out with me anyway. I am that middle-class preppy thing on the surface, but with a little bit of a tortured maniac bubbling under.

Also they would have to want to go to gigs with me and not only because I've dragged them there, but because they also buy every Morrissey single the day it comes out.

Extra points: They do not object to going and getting tattoos together, both on our right shoulders, his reading "HE IS A KILLER, HE'S A FLASHBOY", mine reading "THIS IS THE KILLING OF A FLASHBOY".

c) They have to have a real job / career. I don't mean they have to be rich or extremely successful, someone with a pedestrian office job who makes as much as I do, would suffice.

Oh yeah and they have to like reading and be able to recommend books to me, books that I'll like.

So to sum up, my list is (in no particular order, I want ALL of these anyway):

a) Sport / Gym + Muscles
b) Alternative / Indie sensibilities and edge
c) Job + Books

So yes, I mention these to Enid on Saturday night and then Enid comes up with an amazing idea that I hadn't thought before and this amazing idea is that the easiest way to work my way around finding somebody that combines all these things, is to focus on b) and c) and then work on the a). Because it's easier to encourage somebody to go to the gym who already has the best matched personality, than to change somebody's tastes and preferences when they only have the erm...muscles.

So there we have it. Where does one find book-reading, sensible-job-having, gig-going handsome guys with dark undertones...who are open to be shaped into physical perfection? I guess nowhere.

Also, can I just say, this post is purely theoretical, I am not looking to meet anyone and even when I do in the future I won't put up a public announcement on the blog. I'm just mentioning the conversation with Enid.
I still want somebody to share the FLASHBOY tattoo with me though.

45 comments:

george said...

OMG i'm your perfect match. but i have a bf....hahaha....you'll find him in australia.....hurry up and get your ass down there!!!.....george

Tim in Italy said...

Wow! You really have this all thought out! I'm impressed. It changes for me, day to day, depending on who I can lure into the little room under the stairs and chain to the wall.

kim said...

sharing a tattoo is a monster step in a relationship i suspect, and it'd be a thin line between tasteful and tacky ... I'm working on getting DISAPPEAR HERE tattooed, somewhere, not sure where.

Gill said...

Just wanted to say I discovered your blog Saturday. And having consumed a good 4 hours of my time reading all your posts I decided to take up your recommendations Re: books.

So yesterday I had the day off work (I'm one of those brown haired, blue eyed, suit wearing English boys you previously described meandering through the tube and life in general) I dragged my sorry carcass to my local book shop. I bought 'The Myth of Sisyphus' and 'The Trial'.

Basically I wanted to say thank you London Preppie. You have entertained me, enlightened me, and(in a couple of days) will have educated me.

Cheers

AlwaysReadySF said...

I don't think 'where' is so much the point as much as 'when'.

I think most of us end up meeting "the man" when we are ready.
The tricky part is figuring out when we are ready and how long it will take before we are.

Once we are ready, then the 'where' is sort of immaterial and could be anywhere, really, which in my view is part of the fun.

My sense is that you are definitely moving in that direction...of being ready that is.

And hang out more often with Enid! He seems smart (not that you are not but you might have needed a little nudge to look at things in a different light ;)) and has been the source of one of the most fun nights among all the ones you have described on here so far.

kim said...

seems like Augusten is the flavour of the month ... but Josh & Josh went right to the source ...

http://joshandjosh.typepad.com/josh_josh_are_rich_and_fa/2008/05/augustenburroug.html

Gill said...

Oh and I realise how that last comment sounds. Given your last post.

It was purely intended as a genuine acknowledgement of my thanks to you rather than anything else.

I'll just go bury my head with the shame how ironic my comment was given your post.

See and I used the word Ironic! Ha! I just know you're going to verbally slaughter me now.

Anyway....Thanks for the reading list.

G

Jay said...

So you us the whole rundown, then say if you did find someone you wouldn't post about it? Not fair! At least give us a pic when u find him, even if half his face is obscured with a red rectangle ;)

jay

Vicious Debonair said...

Out of curiousity what is or who is..Flashboy?

timbo said...

Justin Theroux is your man.

thoroughlymoderncolin said...

Of course this kind of man exists....the trouble is once he's picked up his muscles, his alternative edges and sensibilities, his job and his books....there is no room left on the credit card for a personality.

michael01 said...

It sounds like you want yourself. Surprise!
Do you have any criteria for the ideal boy that differ from this almost genetic duplication?

Anonymous said...

get me / make me get a fit body and ill get the tattoo.
deal?

Anonymous said...

Morrissey:

http://www.towleroad.com/2008/06/morrissey-comma.html

BY23 said...

I gave up defining the person that would be the perfect match for me...it never really worked. Or maybe I'm just really bad at making...em...definitions. Or maybe it's just me being totally idealistic without believing that my own ideals could ever come true in real life...and if I meet someone who seems to meet my definition I just pass by, thinking it it'd be too good to be true. Does this make an idealist, a cynical or just a weirdo? :-)

Ben said...

i love it! i love your writing style and i have to tell the world, or at least whoever is reading your comments. keep it up!

Kevin said...

I really like your tattoo idea. Most times when couples get matching tattoos, they are sickening. Like, their names, a heart, a cute little puppy, some shit like that.

Oh, and I have a book recommendation for you. It's a doozy, but well worth it. "Almanac of the Dead" by Leslie Marmon Silko. It's definitely one of the darkest books I've read AND it has the gays in it. They are all fucked up: encouraging suicides, twisted threesomes, cannibalizing babies, you know, all the things that we gays do. Yeah, so go out and buy it now. You won't be disappointed.

Trybaby said...

Well you are pretty old already, so you might as well give up on a) anyways because I've been told that when you hit 30 all your muscles just instantly deflate :/

http://bp0.blogger.com/_nvnB_Oor_zE/SETVBFM2qzI/AAAAAAAAAJs/68ZPFVus0Vw/s1600-h/pict3867.jpg

And here is the sweater with the collar in the right turned down position.Except you can wear it up and it doesn't look too crazy. It also gives you a really cool profile look.

Trybaby said...

Uggg I didn't notice that you can see my hoofs in the picture. :P

Trybaby said...

Also it's unfortunate that it's a medium and not a small :(((.

FireFawkes said...

Me?

I even have the added bonus of being white as a ghost...

dickophile said...

maybe you could find this guy at a book store? just go stand by the bret easton ellis books, see who comes by, and take the hottest guy home with you.

London Preppy said...

george: Are you? Picture, age and picture of CD collection please

tim: Well if I wrote it tomorrow it might be completely different. Also, this chaining fantasy seems to be going round quite a bit!

kim: I don't really think a tattoo is such a huge step in a relationship. This is how I feel about my other tattoos: it definitely represents something at the point where I have it done. Then 10 years later if I change my mind about it, it's OK, it still stands for a part of me, even if that part of me is a bit older. Same applies to a relationship. I do like the Disappear here one too, just be carefully where you put it...

gill: Cool, thanks for reading and commenting - maybe see you on the tube some day on that horrible rush hour commute

always: We'll see eh? As I'm said I'm not looking right now, but we'll see what happen later in the year. Also Enid is a girl's name :-)

London Preppy said...

kim: Oh Augusten. So popular this month. I wonder if he ever googles his name and has found my blog. I do

gill: Ha ha don't worry I read the comment unrelated to the post

jay: If I were to start dating I'd see how I can write about it without embarrassing anyone

vicious: The phrase is a lyrics from a song by Suede (they're a British band from the 90s)

timbo: I do like him (after googling. Send over please

d'Anger said...

"Oh yeah and they have to like reading and be able to recommend books to me, books that I'll like." Aside from books by BEE, what books do you like? I know you've mentioned liking Kafka but disliking Hemingway and Marquez. How do you approach choosing a book to read? Perhaps this could be the subject of a future post?

London Preppy said...

colin: Aren't the books and and sensibilities etc, part of the personality? That's what I would have thought

michael: Well, he would definitely have to be taller, I'm not going out with a short-arse. And certainly not Greek. British please (maybe a couple more nationalities, that's it)

anon: Fine. When do we start training?

anon: Cheers I hadn't seen it. Waiting for the single to arrive from Amazon :-)

by23: Well, a combination of idealist and a bit odd I would say ;-)

London Preppy said...

ben: Thank you, thank you :-)

kevin: Indeed, all every day things us gays do! I'll check it out

trybaby: That would have been the next question really. Size. Oh well, it can't be perfect

firefawkes: Well, with the paleness you're 60% of the way there innit

dickophile: I have often fantasised about loitering near the BEE section in a book shop. And then starting to chat to anyone who picks one up and freaking them out by flashing the tattoo. Maybe that IS the way forward

Anonymous said...

you tell me. i finish work at 6. monday through friday...

Trybaby said...

Well it is 100% wool so there may be controlled shrining possibilities. Also, I'm not sure if this sort of sweater is meant to be worn so snugly? Loose is good I think? Goes over other things better??

London Preppy said...

d'anger: I don't have a particular way of approaching a book. I start and it either grips me or it doesn't. Or you could say I either get it or I don't. Other favourite books apart from BEE ones are THe Secret History by Donna Tartt, everything by Jay McInerney apart from Ransom and The Good Life, Tweleve by Nick McDonnell, Generation SLUT by Marty Beckerman, Prep by Curtis Sittenfield, I do like most things that Oscar Wilde has written - predictable as this is - yes, Kafka..maybe you're right, all this justifies a post probably. I'm almost excited about this now

AlwaysReadySF said...

Right. Of course. I knew that ;-)

Sarah said...

Wait a second. Did I miss a post somewhere about Scott and you? Thought you were with him?

London Preppy said...

trybaby: Depends on how loose it is I guess. Surely you must know, you've got it there. Try it on and tell us. Then send it to me

sarah: Hmm...well I don't really wanna discuss this explicitly, hope you understand

gill said...

Ah so that would explain why you were eating a pizza this weekend.

That did leave me slightly confused. Especially since Andrex Double Quilted is smooth and filling.

Chin up LP.

You'll have your pick of some Aussiebum sheer fabric swimming trunks wearing muscle boys in Australia soon enough.

And thanks again for further book recommendations but I'm still trying to get my head around Camus and his notion of Absurdity. Its a good challenge though. I love the French !

G

Richard said...

Dionne Warwick! Nice choice.

dickophile said...

yep. and whichever guy doesn't run away in horror is the one.

meshugener said...

So what is the story with Scott? You travel with him, seem to get along and he puts up with you?

d'anger said...

It's your mention of Oscar Wilde that's actually unexpected, but then I can see you as a modern-day Algernon with your sort of "Bunbury" creations, especially when you go home to visit Mummy and Daddy.

Anonymous Blogger said...

well I've got B covered. lol. I had A until I popped my knee. yea that wasn't too fun. And C will happen eventually when I graduate from Law school.

but that is besides the point, I love the way you talk/type. It's intriguing.

London Preppy said...

dickophile: Sounds like we have a plan then

meshugener: I don't discuss my relationships

anon blog: Well a knee injury "that's put an end to your sporting career aspirations" (this is what I'll choose to believe) is cool. So well done

nick said...

Sounds like a hot librarian with a gym membership would be the perfect match. One that could do the smouldering intellectual thing and then take of his glasses and club 'til 10am. You could try hanging around the issues desk!

Anonymous said...

ha ha we are sooooo not compatible, its important you find someone who has these quality's you are looking for, relationships are hard enough work even with shared interests and amazing sex

skountouflis said...

sumfwnw APOLUTA mazi sou! ki egw akrivws ta idia pragmata anazhtw stous allous, ektos apo ena: ta vivlia :) Toulaxiston n'akouei kalh mousikh...Pote den katalava, giati otan kapoios elketai apo tous mus,prepei anagkastika na einai kai rhxos ws anthrwpos!kataplhktiko post! :D

Luke said...

It seems like you probably want to go out with well.....

yourself?

Fair choice I guess.

Ultimate LP narcissism points too, then again I'd like to go out with someone like that too.

I think athletes are probably a better bet as I don't know how you stay motivated to go to the gym when the goal is just to look a bit better and maybe delay the body rotting a bit. At least with a guy who goes out and plays sport they know if all the effort has paid off and look hot as a bit of a by-product.

Anonymous said...

My my there are a lot of Ks in Greek