So we're sat there in Koko with Enid, and to a soundtrack of Bruce Springsteen's Dancing In The Dark, which turns into Africa by Toto which turns into Heartbreaker by Dionne Warwick, which turns into something else, Enid asks me what I would be looking for ideally in a guy. And I know that you can't make ideal lists because these people only exist in your head and you're only building yourself up for disappointment or at least compromise, so here's my list:
a) I'm afraid that the person would have to be a gym-goer or heavily into sport / generally active. Or at least a professional athlete - I'd accept that, you know? I'm not even going to pretend to take the highground and say that I don't care if somebody is physically fit or not, this is what I find personally attractive and it doesn't change.
b) They would have to have an alternative edge. This is to ensure that we'd have things in common / something to talk about / shared interests / we'd want to do similar things. I mean yes I'm interested in this whole middle-class preppy thing and occasionally wear tucked in shirts, chinos and deck shoes but I wear them with a very heavy sense of irony.
(even though I hate the word irony, it's so contrived and ubiquitous, it's like calling yourself "trendy" or "cynical", i.e. the people who do, usually aren't)
In any case, yes, so if somebody is that middle-class preppy thing but only because they have never known anything else in their life, they'd probably not want to go out with me anyway. I am that middle-class preppy thing on the surface, but with a little bit of a tortured maniac bubbling under.
Also they would have to want to go to gigs with me and not only because I've dragged them there, but because they also buy every Morrissey single the day it comes out.
Extra points: They do not object to going and getting tattoos together, both on our right shoulders, his reading "HE IS A KILLER, HE'S A FLASHBOY", mine reading "THIS IS THE KILLING OF A FLASHBOY".
c) They have to have a real job / career. I don't mean they have to be rich or extremely successful, someone with a pedestrian office job who makes as much as I do, would suffice.
Oh yeah and they have to like reading and be able to recommend books to me, books that I'll like.
So to sum up, my list is (in no particular order, I want ALL of these anyway):
a) Sport / Gym + Muscles
b) Alternative / Indie sensibilities and edge
c) Job + Books
So yes, I mention these to Enid on Saturday night and then Enid comes up with an amazing idea that I hadn't thought before and this amazing idea is that the easiest way to work my way around finding somebody that combines all these things, is to focus on b) and c) and then work on the a). Because it's easier to encourage somebody to go to the gym who already has the best matched personality, than to change somebody's tastes and preferences when they only have the erm...muscles.
So there we have it. Where does one find book-reading, sensible-job-having, gig-going handsome guys with dark undertones...who are open to be shaped into physical perfection? I guess nowhere.
Also, can I just say, this post is purely theoretical, I am not looking to meet anyone and even when I do in the future I won't put up a public announcement on the blog. I'm just mentioning the conversation with Enid. I still want somebody to share the FLASHBOY tattoo with me though.