Monday, 30 June 2008

Monday 30/06/08

And here are some pictures from last week's holiday, last week which now seems 56 years ago at least, and possibly like it never happened.

This is a picture with a hat and a tattoo, which reminds me to point out that this is a very painful spot for a tattoo and it still fucking hurts now, six days after it happened.  I won't pretend that I don't like the pain though, at least it's a sensation, very welcome on a day when I thought I had run out of those:



This is a picture of a boat and a Scott:



This is a picture of Scott and Jonathan, with their backs turned, doing their best to ignore each other after a major fallout, which could have got nasty if Jonathan hadn't taken the high ground:


This is a picture of me eating at the airport, speaking some words which I don't recall right now:


This is a picture of me looking like Natalie Imbruglia in the video for Torn, in the scene where she's wear a zip-up top and a stupid hat.  Mind you, when I looked back at the video I couldn't find the scene with the hat, so maybe I made this memory up:


This is a picture that shows me in one of my less successful surfing attempts:


This is a picture of me drinking a "beer", but the most important thing that happens in this picture is that I am wearing an Incredible Hulk t-shirt from French Connection which I have torn down the right shoulder area:


This is a picture showing a Czech woman giving me a henna tattoo on my calf, because I was on holiday in the tackiest place in Britain, and this is what needed to be done:


This is a picture of the calf henna tattoo and we can all see now that it's the three lions crest, as per the England football shirt.  Having a three lions tattoo (especially on your calf) is an indication that you've had a lobotomy.  If you don't have the excuse of a lobotomy and you still get a three lions tattoo (especially on your calf), you instantly drop two social classes, 76 IQ points and three income bands.  This is the person I want to be:


Finally, this is a picture from a gay London magazine from last week, which includes a picture of me from Revolver.  The main reason I'm putting this up is so that we all see who the palest person in there is, even though I think this picture doesn't really do me justice and I feel I am actually paler.  I'm walking away from this post, having decided that they touched me up and gave me a tan:


Oh, and:

GONE

EDIT:  Competition time (as suggested by one of the readers).  Please come up with a caption for the last picture.  It has to be London Preppy style please.  The best caption wins something which is probably nothing, but I'm sure it's worth it anyway.  Leave a comment if you likes.  Remember: I said London Preppy style.  Like I wrote it myself.  Thank you.

41 comments:

Anthony said...

the last photo is hilarious, it's the quintessential "what the fuck?!" look.

Nix said...

Haha! I was reading that particular fag-rag over the weekend and couldn't believe how pale you looked... well, at least, compared with the other photos. How do you hope to keep this up in Australia? Will the line from the Informers be your best friend: "You're tan but you don't look happy".

Cockbag LLC said...

Is that really you unmasked?

You have to dig pretty deep into my blog to find pictures of me.

dickophile said...

im in shock. i actually know what scott looks like. without the red bar its like he's standing naked in front of me. i almost feel violated. and dirty. i like it.

London Preppy said...

anthony: It's a common picture look that I like to adopt...I suggest that everyone should try it

nix: Why, thank you! Well, for Sydney, I'v started stocking up on long sleeved linen shirts from the Gap (on sale at the moment, incidentally, for £10). Plus when I'm on the beach I'll be wearing a (below) head to (just above) toe wetsuit!

cockbag: Might be

London Preppy said...

dickophile: Apologies. I never meant to shock anyone like that

Gav Dublin said...

LP,

Can you run a quiz for the best caption to that last picture?

You sponsor the prize!!

London Preppy said...

gav: I like that! I'm editing post now

Timmy said...

"I won't pretend that I don't like the pain though, at least it's a sensation, very welcome on a day when I thought I had run out of those" reminds me of a line from some song that says something like:

I cut myself to bleed to prove that I'm still alive

BTW...why didn't Jonathon get a red box across his eyes?

franck said...

In a moment of unjustified optimism Scott and I went out in public without the red bars, but quickly learned never to make that mistake again. Tacky tourists look much better when you can't actually see them. Probably so do we.

Graham said...

"And in this last picture I'm wearing a red zip jacket from ______, a knitted hat from carhartt, because I'm a surfer now and thats what we wear. Even Scott can't describe what he's wearing, he's too busy looking at the steroid abusing muscled guy who walked by"

Oldyeller said...

With your eyes unmasked, I actually do see quite a resemblance to a younger T. Cruise in that photo.

By the way, how did Scott take to surfing?

Jeff said...

Frumpy Englishman and his autistic son out for a stroll.

London Preppy said...

franck / graham: I love, love these! I'm so glad people read this who get exactly how I write. A bit worrying it can be replicated so easily

oldy: Scott did OK at surfing, I have a bit of an advantage though being lighter etc

London Preppy said...

timmy: Jonathan is a local celebrity so there's no point in blocking his eyes!

London Preppy said...

jeff: I will pretend this is the first time I've ever been called autistic

Gav Dublin said...

(LP)- "Now Scott, you will remember my illness last year, which was a neurological condition and which left me paralysed and imcompetent for three months?

(Scott)- Yes *******, I do.

(LP) - Well I'm not sure if I told you but during that time I was very sick and I told myself I would love forever the first person I laid eyes on when I woke up, even if they were not Greek and my mother did not approve.

(Scott) - No, you never mentioned!

(LP) - Well, its true, and the first person I saw was YOU!!

(Scott) - Ahh..thats really sweet,, (insert suitable Scott to LP term of affection)

(LP) - Yes, isn't it. One problem though, and no, its not your very lantern like facial construction.

(Scott) - Oh yea?? Whats that?

(LP) - I'm all better now and you are a strata or two below me socially and, additonally, are aproximately 58 IQ points sub my best. As an added insult you are far too hairy and tanned!!You will just have to GO!!

(LP to himself - That will teach the socially inferior pleb for dumping me for two weeks!!)

dickophile said...

my caption: And as you can see I'm dying inside. But it's not because its a Tuesday or I am not pale enough. No. It is because behind me walks the ghost of what I could have been. What I should have been. A straight guy with a pretty blond girlfriend. A girlfriend who is devoted to me and makes Mummy and Daddy happy. A girlfriend who would ensure my inheritance. And I wish I was this guy. I should have been this guy. But I am not. Scott doesn't get it.

dimitri said...

"whine whine whine
bitch bitch bitch
Bret Easton Ellis
whine whine whine
bitch bitch bitch"


hehehe
im sorry... i dont really think that, i just thought itd be funny

Trybaby said...

Did it hurt being in salt water with a still healing wound? Did that woman use a stencil to do that henna? Or is it like a ready made temporary tattoo but with henna stuff in it.

"Me: Hey was that Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow and Apple that just walked by?

Scott: Who?"

AlwaysReadySF said...

"And this picture is taken by Jonathan who is being the bigger person and is trying to make up with Scott. And I mention that this hat makes me look like Natalie Imbruglia and Scott asks "Who is that?" and my face says "You did not just ask that". But he does not get it. He never did and he never will."

That hat does make you look like you are 13 ;-)

j said...

i can't believe you revealed your face. now people are going to recognize you on the streets and pretend not to recognize you because recognizing you would mean that they are sad enough to follow your blog religiously like it's the fucking bible or harry potter and the sorcerer's stone and that is going to be awkward for you and embarrassing for me... them.

newyorkerly said...

After scaling the wall and escaping from the asylum, Scott and I stand dumbfounded in the street.

"Let's go back," Scott says. "It's utter insanity out here."

Foxx said...

hey LP...............

close up pics?? still looking good, if I see you in July I'll say hello!! Come on Newquay!!I think I might drown! I can't swim!!!

Foxx

Jon C said...

This last picture shows me wearing a hat from ____, SPF 800 lotion and trying to explain to Scott that the black muscley guy we just saw is not Kanye West.

Vittoriovampuk said...

I think we need more pictures of you in a wet suit!
Bx

London Preppy said...

trybaby: It hurt a bit because of the wetsuit rubbing all over it, I think it was too early to go in the sea and do all this really. Oh well.

I don't understand the henna tattoo process/ how she did it

Tom Gaylord said...

fun pics! your unco surfing shot is my favourite lol

Jay said...

Hey LP,

Pale or not, you're still hot! Love the pics and the tat.

You've now hit my bloglist :) congrats, lol.

jay

george said...

i missed the last pic....can you tell me what it was that i missed? sounds like you had a good time.....george

Alex said...

LP- put whatever is "GONE" back up!.. I'd have checked sooner, but came down with some nasty Guillame Barre over the weekend-- probably bad sushi.

Anyway, now that I'm fully recovered PUT IT BACK UP! (please!)

Anonymous said...

Thought you might be interested to read:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/07/01/sunscreen.study/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Oldyeller said...

"And here I am explaining to a stunned Scott that our beady, furtive eyes will be visible in this picture for the first time, revealing for all the world to see the total hopelessness, desolation, and overwhelming sadness of our wretched everyday lives. Not surprisingly, Scott misses the point entirely and mumbles something about being “a bit of a cook.”"

chabang said...

...you have checked it was a henna tattoo and does actually come off haven't you?

Craig said...

And here I says to Scott that, despite our seemingly enjoyable time in Newquay, I would rate the holiday as less than zero because it only serves to perpetuate the delusion that things are better in my life when, in actuality, my existence is one of abject despair and sadness that occupies every little bit of me. And I like building up my expectations and excitement about new things, only to have reality crash down on me, sometimes slowly and painfully, extinguishing any lingering hopes I may have of becoming more than the bottom feeder that I am. Scott has no clue; but then that’s Scott for you—he doesn’t see the big picture. But we like Scott anyway.

London Preppy said...

All the entries are fantastic - thanks very much. I am not choosing one though

george: Just a face picture

anon: Thanks for the link. So I'm right to use 50+ just to be on the safe side eh

chabang: Well I didn't touch it for three days and it remained perfect. Then I got bored and scrubbed it of

george said...

thanks

Guy Ruben said...

You have adorable feet! = )

Matt said...

Your feet are getting approval elsewhere as well:
http://buttsandfeet.blogspot.com/2008/07/tat-week-meets-just-feet-friday.html

London Preppy said...

matt: Oh my God. And what about the rest of the pictures on that site!

Son said...

HA! Newquay = > Vomit