Monday, 9 June 2008

Monday 09/06/08

On Saturday night I go to bed at 0230 and I have no reason not to sleep, no reason at all, and then I wake up at 0630 and stay awake. And for the next four hours I’m lying there trying to go back to sleep, but it’s not happening, so around 1030 I give up and get up.

And this Sunday is very warm and sunny, so I put on some factor 50 sunscreen and try to stay in the shade on my way to Tesco for the weekly shopping, then I do my weekly shopping and then I follow the shade back home again.

After lunch I put on: short navy shorts from Topman, blue t-shirt with the London area where I live printed at the front, ___ loafers, some more factor 50 sunscreen and ___ sunglasses, and I meet up with Nathan at Selfridges, where I’m supposed to watch him shop, but not buy anything myself.

And my Sunday afternoon clothes look like this.



EDIT: Which is of course a look stolen from every summer runway over the last three years and badly executed.  But it will do, innit.


At Selfridges I shadow Nathan during his shopping trip and try not to see anything that I like for myself, and I’m doing very well, I really am, until Nathan has to go to the toilet and I’m left alone near the Polo Sport section.

And yes, I do have a strong will and steel determination that has led me to forget what a nice pint of bitter or my favourite BBQ-flavoured crisps taste like, but I’m human after all and when this red Polo Sport jacket winks at me, I forget everything, I relapse and I can only think of the good times we’ll have together.

Then Nathan comes back and finds me feeling up this jacket, shameful but content and I know I am a recovering alcoholic whose group leader walks in to find him sipping from a bottle of Calvin Klein CK1 that he keeps in his pocket, but at this point I don’t care anymore.

So I try on this jacket and I says to Nathan, please tell me it looks bad on me and Nathan says, well, it looks like a cross between a racing jacket and a sailing one, and that’s that, Nathan has used the forbidden word, he mentions sailing and this jacket is coming home with me.

Apart from this, Sunday appears to be interaction-with-strangers day, an interaction that can be summed up in the following three incidents:

1) In Selfridges, we are shopping, and this salesperson, who I’ll go out on a limp (see what I did there) and say that is one of the gays, comes up to me and points at my shorts and says: “I realise it’s warm out there today, but I didn’t realise it was that warm” and then I says oh yes it is, and then he says, what does your tattoo say and I says, it’s my name and he says, oh it must be weird tattoo day today, some other guy earlier….And that’s as far I listen I’m afraid

2) On the tube, I’m going home and there are two drunk people in the same carriage as me, and drunk people on the tube are always good value, so I’m stood there pretending to listen to my iPod but it’s off, I’m wearing the headphones for show and I’m actually listening to them chatting to / annoying everyone around them. Then inevitably my turn comes and they both start staring at my leg tattoo and one of them shouts at me: what does that say. And I pretend not to hear him because “I’m listening to music” (still in character) and then he waves at me and I pull the headphones out and say, what, and he repeats himself and I say, “it’s my name”. And one of them says “in case you forget it?” and I says “I haven’t heard that one before” and the other one says “so what’s your name” and I says “that”, and he says “I can only see half of it, it goes around” and I says “oh well” and put my headphones back on

3) On the walk back home from the tube, three drunk people are coming the opposite way (everyone is drunk today – when the sun is out British people apply alcohol liberally in the same way I apply factor 50 sunblock) and one of them shouts what my t-shirt says back at me, and the other two laugh like that was a sign of comic genius and then another one of them shouts the same thing and then it’s over, even though I wouldn’t object to a little fight

The end.

48 comments:

Cockbag LLC said...

Do you live at the Cockfosters tube stop :)

London Preppy said...

cockbag: No, it's really nothing as exciting/funny as that. They were just being stupid(ly drunk)

d'Anger said...

"this red Polo Sport jacket winks at me, I forget everything, I relapse and I can only think of the good times we’ll have together."

So have you had your way with the red Polo Sport jacket yet?

London Preppy said...

d'anger: No, we're taking things slowly

Anonymous said...

is it just the angle or is your right thing really bigger than your left?

London Preppy said...

anon: The latter. It's a real problem. Sometimes I just spin round in circles because the muscles on my right leg are massive compared to the left one, and the left one can't keep up

AlwaysReadySF said...

Now THAT is a gay outfit. I love it. I am surprised all the attention you got was from a couple of straight drunk guys. Kinda disappointing, eh?

Rico said...

I LOVE the shorts! I would wear them on a cloudy day.

London Preppy said...

always: Nah, not really disappointing. I wasn't out to meet people, right? I was out to not shop. Oh wait. That didn't work either

London Preppy said...

rico: Or on a sunny day with a thick layer of sunblock!

Anonymous said...

Please - never wear those shorts again - esp. with those shoes!

deikse moy to hroma toy deksioy herioy sas said...

I know you say you have hideous toes, but are sandals or flip flops out of the question? Seems like a better fit for that outfit.

London Preppy said...

anon: Oh anon...

deikse: I wouldn't wear sandals even if my toes were socially acceptable. I like loafers and deck shoes with everything. Especially with short shorts. It's not like I came up with this and it's completely off the wall anyway.

Take a look at this:

http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2006/09/bottoms_up.html

AlwaysReadySF said...

I think your execution was pretty good, actually. Especially considering you don't have the almost unlimited resources and $$ that most runway designers do.
As long as you "don't bore Nina", you are good to go ;-)

fielin said...

Love the outfit... You've got great legs !

London Preppy said...

always: I had to google the Nina reference, but very good!

fielin: Thank you. They're OK from the knee up

Gert said...

first of all: you have beautiful legs. I'm a sucker for beautiful legs and yours are.

Secondly: I'm only mildly drunk, one big glass of cheap white wine on quite an empty stomach. (which means it are still your legs that make me write this)

Thirdly: maybe your leg muscles are little bit too much, but never mind that.

Fourth point: you should mind the outfit in my humble opinion. The full blue T-shirt and the black shorts? It doesn't do. You can do better. I'm not saying anything about the shoes. You're taking the cat walk to the street? Full credit to you. But the combination of colour and fabric needs some of your attention. Trinny and Susannah would back me up, I'm sure. They would advice you to wear speedos, wouldn't they?

London Preppy said...

gert: First of all, please, please more drunken comment everyone. Evidently they are very good.

You're right about the colour and fabric execution, it definitely needs a lot more research. This was just a Sunday afternoon shopping trip, but we know there are no excuses really for a shabby outfit.

In my defense the shorts are navy though, not black, so they kinda go more with the blue t-shirt than it looks like in the picture (where they do in fact appear black).

But I liked the constructive criticism, very good

Trybaby said...

OOOo Ukrainian Stanislav Jouk in the middle :)

Yes, yes I'm one of those sad people who flip through magazines naming the models :PPP

deikse moy to hroma toy deksioy herioy sas said...

I still like this better:
http://bp1.blogger.com/_Ix9iZ5yJkvo/RsIHtufbbDI/AAAAAAAAAx0/moNzjQ-3CAo/s1600-h/00180f.jpg

Pretty sure those shorts were cut from my mum's drapes.

Anonymous said...

As Eddie Izzard like to say: those people run around in fives 'cause they've each got one fifth of a personality.

London Preppy said...

deikse mou: Hmm...we must have a very different perspective on this then. The sandals kinda ruin it for me

anon: :-)

deikse moy to hroma toy deksioy herioy sas said...

Really doesn't matter. Point is, you look fantastic in whatever you wear (or don't wear!)

London Preppy said...

deikse: Thank you very much; that's a really nice thing to say (even if it's not strictly true!)

Anonymous said...

it's not the colour that's not right; the difference between those catwalk looks and yours is that those models are all wearing fluffier tops to compensate for the ultra short and tight shorts. but i suppose u want to show off your muscles.

also, that doesn't look like where i thought u lived?

London Preppy said...

anon: Where did you think I lived?

Trybaby said...

You are almost the same colour as the wall now....

Nix said...

LP, where on earth do you find a t-shirt that says _________? Do you shop at those tacky/scary souvenir stores on _________ near the tube station?

kim said...

"when the sun is out British people apply alcohol liberally" ... having lived there in 2003 (the hottest summer for some years)I fully agree; I returned to Oz to sober up.

also, in this gay ol' world of flat abs, massive pecs and bulging biceps, your legs (specifically your calves) are such a welcome relief.

James said...

Your quads are a bit big for that runway look. Not complaining though.

London Preppy said...

nix: I had it made!

And no, I'm not freaked out about you knowing the _________ and ________. I think we've passed the stage of "anonymous" blogger/commenter by now!

Do you live around here??

kim: Yes my calves are defiantly thin. Defiantly by themselves, not on my account

james: It's probably because I'm short and stubby ;-)

kim said...

no no no - not thin, just quality; quality instead of quantity ... those look like legs that actually get used and worked hard, as opposed to body parts that are there purely for show ... though I'm kidding myself to think that was your goal.

Luke said...

I kind of agree with anon regarding the model's shirts but the actual question is how you manage to go out on a hot day and not instantly sweat unattractively through a tight T-shirt like that.

Answers not including suggestion of Botox would be impressive.

dickophile said...

haha. brilliant!! oh and i love your summer afternoon clothes. your legs look fucking amazing. i just want to lic...no no. i won't go there. this is after all a family blog.

Dan said...

Very Nice blog.
Cheers
Daniel
www.nudecleaner.blogspot.com

Alfred said...

That is a formal cool look.so what style do you like?
some drunk people said can i go to your home. tell me true do you have a house and they hold my hand put on his dick....... do you have some drunk people doing like this or another thing on the club.

seahorse said...

oi prepster that outfit would have been a treat on the weekend here in Alabama with the gay pride. With all them rednecks about the tube would be a minor disappointment... Other than that, your legs WAY better than them size 0 models therefore creating justice to the look..

seahorse said...

oi prepster that outfit would have been a treat on the weekend here in Alabama with the gay pride. With all them rednecks about the tube would be a minor disappointment... Other than that, your legs WAY better than them size 0 models therefore creating justice to the look..

Anonymous said...

ah actually i'm not Nix, but hmm i don't know how to put it any better than him about the place you're living... do u know that homeless hippie woman who sits there in front of the tube stop all the time?

(and u once had a post about where u live.)

London Preppy said...

luke: I sweat. I'll sweat through everything. But I've made my peace with that

dickophile: Very good, I'm glad you stopped yourself there, definitely a family blog

alfred: Aha. It kinda seems that you've writing this deliberately, but then what do I know

anon: I can't think of a homeless hippy woman outside my tube! Comment with the area where you think I live and I won't publish it, I'm just curious

nix: I looked at places on your street when I was looking around! Send me an email if you want (london.preppy@gmail.com) and we can talk property and those £4m houses :-)

Anonymous said...

Oh and I suppose you can choose to post if I am right or wrong?

Cheers,
J

ANDRE said...

ahahah I absolutely loved this part "a recovering alcoholic ... a bottle of Calvin Klein CK1 that he keeps in his pocket" because that's what my best friend's mum used to do when she wasn't at her AA meetings!

off-topic music tip: since you are the only person I know that has watched the Eurovision contest this year, I just discovered that the great Sebastien Tellier (France) performed "Divine" at the final. Some of his songs are very good (check out "La Ritournelle Metronomy Mix")..

Maluminas said...

In a book i bought they say that heavy squats and lots of walking is the best way to bend calves to your will.

London Preppy said...

anon: You were quite close, but it's not exactly right

andre: I've got that, I like this guy. I can't beleive he went on Eurovision

maluminas: I'm not that bothered about them. I'm certainly not goign to walk mor!

Anonymous said...

well you kept my hopes up, but the choices are now narrower! No worries, I won't come find you.

george said...

i have not been to london. when i do am i going to be harassed by drunken straight boys? is that what i have to look forward to? i am feeling scared.

your thighs are really big. you would look better with thongs and a looser tee or a tank. probably better if you wore the shorts with nothing else......george

Oldyeller said...

Are you flexing your quads in this pic, perhaps unconciously? Seriously muscular legs--a little bigger and you will have what gym people call freaky legs (a good thing).
Also, may I ask if you hemmed the cut off jean shorts in some way; otherwise they will fray after a few washings, but maybe you're ok with that (a popular look back in the 80's).

London Preppy said...

george: Yes, that's what the straight boys do. That's why we love them

oldy: Well I don't wear such short shorts in the gym, no nobody knows. Not that my legs are really that big, I think it is partly the picture