Monday, 2 June 2008

Monday 02/05/08

On Saturday after the gym I go to Sainsburys where I buy a pizza with cheese, ham and pepperoni even though I don’t like pepperoni and I also buy some olives to spread on top and some Vienetta ice-cream and then I go home and eat my working class meal (no wonder poor people are so fat) and then I go out.

On this Saturday night I’m wearing the same clothes as Friday night, i.e. same jeans, trainers, Suede t-shirt (but I’ve actually washed the t-shirt), an outfit I posted a picture of
yesterday. This reminds me that I should mention that I’ve actually made alterations to the Suede t-shirt before wearing it and these alterations are:

a) I’ve cut the neck wider, but not in a plunging neckline gay way (which can be OK too for the right clothes), just wider overall in a straight-muscly-guy-gym-top kind of way, which is inspired by Superman’s original Superman t-shirt

b) I’ve cut the bands around the end of the sleeves

c) I’ve cut the band at the bottom

d) After realising that it fits well everywhere else but it’s too wide around my waist, I’ve pinned it tighter by folding it on the left side and using a thick 10cm safety pin, which I bought two years ago and I’ve been looking for some garment to use it on since. I figured that this being a rock band t-shirt, I could get away with a safety pin as an accessory

Then I go to Camden where I meet Enid and we go to this club night called Guilty Pleasures at Koko. This is a straight night of course and it’s a night where the music is erm…guilty pleasures, as in songs that you’re not supposed to like but you do. So this is a review of the night.

The place: This is a big venue that I like a lot and I was in last when I saw Fischerspooner playing at some point last year. Here’s a picture of the main dancefloor from one of the upper floors. See? Like a gay club only with clothes on.



The people: There are straight girls and there are straight boys. A lot/most of the straight girls are dressed up and well-taken care of and some of them are even pretty. Almost all the straight boys are messy and don’t know what to do with themselves to look good (and I suspect they don’t care).

Now this seems instantly unfair to me (why do the girls have to make an effort to be pretty and the boys just turn up as they are and hope for the best), but I suppose these people have worked these issues out and have managed to mate and procreate for thousands of years now, so who am I to stop them?

Despite an obvious lack of gym going amongst the punters I still find the atmosphere sexually charged, but that’s because I’m a freak with a straight boy fetish. And a lot of them will have good legs anyway from “playing sport” and “running around” and doing things that created the expression boys will be boys (I love that expression), you just have to get their trousers off and bend them over.

Our night: So to start off with we sit there and listen to the music in the main room (sample tracks: Madonna “Dress You Up”, Shannon “Let The Music Play”, George Michael “Faith”, Vanilla Ice “Ice Ice Baby”) and we chat, but then we discover this smaller room upstairs, which is called the Erection Section and they’re only playing tacky love songs, power ballads, that sort of thing. I.e. All the songs I’ve written about in my “embarrassing songs that I like” posts.

Obviously, we’re there next and that’s where we spend the rest of the night.

In the Erection Section, the following things happen:

- As we enter, “Glory Of Love” from the film Karate Kid is playing

- There are song request forms and we put down:
o Live To Tell – Madonna
o Wicked Game – Chris Isaak
o She’s Like The Wind – Patrick Swayze
o Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper
o Crazy For You – Madonna

- Ten minutes later She’s Like The Wind comes on

- We down two shots of vodka

- This room is mainly packed with boys, most of these boys know all the words to everything, I conclude that for a good heartbreak boys of any orientation always fall back to a bit of Patrick Swayze instead of Radiohead or The Killers or whatever it is they pretend to listen to in real life

- We request Live To Tell again but the DJ has already played it

We go home.

On the night bus I listen to Live To Tell on repeat until I get home.

I decide that I want to go to more straight nights please.

OK, so that Saturday night but I’ve written too much and I haven’t mentioned what we discussed with Enid (about what sort of boys I should be dating from now on and how to find them), so I’ll write about this in the next post.

21 comments:

kim said...

and there i was simply wearing my shirts as i found them on the rack. more fool me.

AlwaysReadySF said...

That was a much better post than some of your usual gay-clubbing posts. Positive energy and clearly you had a good time, if anything because you listed to "Glory of Love"!

The one thing I do not like about straight clubs is that almost always someone gets into a fight...these boys get drunk and then they become all territorial and aggressive about girls etc.

I look forward to hearing about your new dating agenda. Just don't go to straight clubs looking for love ;-)

Trybaby said...

Actually I really don't like the phrase "Boys will be boys". I don't like excuses, I like personal accountability. It just makes me think about jerk rednecks excusing young men for doing horrible things like (for example and not limited to) bullying/bashing queer kids. And it's just born of patriarchy and machismo. All things I personally don't like.

PS: Did you like the sweater(the link I sent you yesterday)? I'd really like to know your opinion.

dickophile said...

hmm. london preppy dating. i have a feeling this could lead to some hilarious and possibly embarrassing situations. good way to spice up the plot. are your friends the types to set you up? are you enjoying being single even a little bit or just outright hating it?

mr man said...

for your next self-revelatory & briefly-online video, please consider saying "thank you very much" in a haughty manner

London Preppy said...

kim: But, but, you have to customise

always: That is true actually. But no fights this time. Maybe we were just hanging out in the room with all the heartbroken wusses though

trybaby: You'll have seen my comment by now

dickophile: Well that's gonna probably happen when I go to Aus, but I don't know how I'll handle it on the blog

mr: I didn't mean it in a haughty manner honestly!

Anonymous said...

http://www.dlisted.com/node/26316

London Preppy said...

anon: Why God, why

Oldyeller said...

When you do start dating, I hope you discuss it a little-we don't need a..ah..blow-by-blow acount of course. We understand it can get touchy if the datee finds out about your blog. I think one of the refreshingly unique and kinda classy things about your blog is that you are discreet about these things- "we don't talk about love, sex or work here".

London Preppy said...

oldy: I'm sure I'll find a way around it. And I'm glad you like the discretion on those topics

Anonymous said...

'True Colors' always has me blubbing.

Graham said...

LP,
I love your description of the people in the straight club, it's completely true, except that sometimes I think the guys do try, they just try too hard (or have no idea what they're doing!) sometimes.

Bobby Van said...

I'm, sorry but I am going to let anyone disrespect Peter Cetra,,,

"Sometimes I just forget
Say things I might forget
It breaks my heart to see you crying.

I am man who will fight
For your honour
I'll be the hero
You're dreaming of..."

timbo said...

You can meet lots of nice gays at straight clubs. I do. They will be there with their straight friends, just as you are.

The attractiveness level of straight boys rises and falls inversely with how much/little they try to be attractive. Natural = knee-weakening hotness, preening = confused-tranny hotmess.

VpO said...

Wait, what ever happened to your guy scott?

Vanboy said...

Yippee! Can't wait to hear 'the plan' on how/where to find the right man.

So far the only tips I've gathered from your blog involve stalking at the gym, but (gasp!) some of us don't go to the gym. The outside world is much more random...

Can I suggest online dating as a topic (do's, don'ts & etiquette)? I'd love to hear your & your reader's take on it.

Oh & glad your mood improved.
Straight bars ARE lots of fun & take the pressure off, since the only leering glances & gropey hands are from the really drunk girls.
:D

Vanboy said...

ps: have you had a chance to watch Dexter yet? Hope you're enjoying it!!

London Preppy said...

graham: It's true that often the guys with the most elaborate haircuts, fake tans, etc are the straight ones

bobby: We are not disrespecting, we are honouring!

timbo: Cool, but that makes it very difficult to sort out the gay ones from the straight ones for somebody clueless like me

vpo: You have missed too many episodes it seems!

vanboy: Oh no, I'm not trying online dating (until I go to Aus anyway, cause my situtation is complicated at the moment), plus it remidns me of my gaydar days which are lost in a haze (happily lost in a haze that is).

And yes, Dexter is my current evening entertainment :-)

Maluminas said...

Olives on ice-cream? O_o

george said...

did you have the ice cream on the pizza? i love dexter? .....george

b-ag said...

London Preppy makes me want to be straight.