Both Tuesday and Wednesday are very warm and not even cloudy warm, which is the good kind of warm, but sunny warm, which is not. If I wanted sunny warm I would have stayed in Athens, well that’s not strictly true, I would have stayed in Athens if my parents had moved to London or perhaps if modern civilisation had reached it, but the point is that I don’t like sunny warm anyway.
I am particularly averse to the sun now that I’m trying to not-be-tan, so both those days at lunchtime, I go out but I try to keep in the shade, which is nearly impossible when you try to cross the street, so unless I want to go around the block in circles I have to occasionally be exposed to the lethal (i.e. tanning) sun rays. This Tuesday and Wednesday lunchtime, I am starting to think that I’ll have major problems in Sydney.
So I go to Boots and I buy two bottles of sunscreen with factor 50 which I don’t really trust but need to have anyway (that is not going to keep anyone pale, is it) and then I go back to the office and I’m actually relieved to be back. There I’ve said it: I prefer to be at work than outside.
After work on Tuesday I decide to skip the gym, I’m too tired from not having slept on Sunday night, so I go straight home. On the way home I wonder why it’s acceptable for women to turn up at work wearing vests / flip flops / short skirts / bathing suits and men have to stick with shoes / trousers / shirts no matter how hot it is, but I don’t ponder on this too much – not much has gone my way over the last 28 years and it’s not going to start now.
On the positive side (is there one?) when I take the rubbish out later I walk opposite a pub that’s near my house and there’s a guy outside, a guy in his late 20s sitting on the floor wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip flips, shorts that are pulled up so that his pasty white naturally athletic straight boy legs will catch the sun, and this guy is drinking a pint and talking on his phone in a way that I think might be described “enthusiastically” by somebody more comfortable with that word than I am, and I like this guy a lot.
But even if I were to build a dungeon underneath my flat and kidnap this guy and lock him up there for the following 23 years in order to repeatedly rape him and father his seven children, some of which would stay down there with him and some of which I’d bring upstairs to live with me and my wife…
…yes he might stay white due to the lack of sun exposure, but he would also lose his naturally athletic straight boy legs due to lack of exercise / participating in kickabouts in the park with his mates, and what use would he be to me then?
So I don’t.