Thursday, 1 May 2008

Thursday 01/05/08

On Tuesday evening I’m eating food Mummy has given me to take with me from Greece and this food is enough to last me a week and it includes chicken, pork, eggs, in massive quantities and Scott comes round to help me get through some of it and we watch the Frasier DVD I bought earlier in the day (series 9) and I show him the video I posted last week of me talking to the camera, because he was in Gran Canaria and he missed it and then he goes.

I go to bed at 2320 and I sleep OK to start with, but then I wake up at 0400 and for the first few seconds I think I’m going to fall asleep again, I’m in a daze, I haven’t started thinking yet, but then it all enters my head again, it comes screaming back to me, so I stay awake until I don’t know when, the last time I checked the clock it was 0545. During that time I try to stop myself from going on the internet (to look for what?), try to stop myself from sending passive-aggressive text messages that form in my head, try to block out anything happy and anything sad, try to forget that on this very same day – this Wednesday the dawn of which has found me sleepless in my bed, it was exactly two and a half years ago when I first met Scott.

41 comments:

Dick Pics said...

wow. that was one of your most beautifully written posts ever. want a hug?

Ben said...

Crying in the toilets at work is strangely satisfying, isn't it?

Something not dissimilar happened to me on my 30th birthday. At least I had presents and a cake to numb the pain.

Jamie said...

wait hold up, that WAS you talking to the camera then???

I went back to check it out but you deleted it!

Crafty!

If it was you then, LP is one sexy boy!

fisher(r)ing said...

Tough night. If it is any consolation, we have all been there. I recently found myself on the receiving side of a three year relationship ending. Didn't see that coming. Just know that it gets better with time (and lots of passive-aggressive/petty behavior). Oh, and I also recommend an insane shopping spree -- it does the soul good.

michael01 said...

Think of how you'll feel in a month, or maybe two months; then six months. There's an almost mechanical inevitability to emotional survival and it just happens.

Anonymous said...

Hey dude, I was listening to this song this mornin' getting ready for work and thought this would be a great song for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl3PyTqsc5c

Chin up.

Anonymous said...

actually, i wanted to give you this song instead, but it felt a bit too psycho and close to the mark. ah well, here it is nonetheless:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS6Ycu148O0

Anonymous said...

L'Prep--
It feels really shitty right now but keep this in mind: you are YOUNG, Scott was an early relationship for you, spring is in the air and the most gorgeous men in the world all live in Australia.

XO
Joe in Los Angeles

Oldyeller said...

Causing me to get all emotional at my worksite. But its OK; no one saw me upset; but don't do it again please.

Anonymous said...

So are you together or not then? If you have split up then maybe a bit of space would help rather than eating together and watching comedy.

London Preppy said...

dick: Sure, hug hug

ben: I haven't tried that one yet!

jamie: Yep, afraid so...

fisher: Second person who's recommending shopping. Hmm...might consider it eh?

michael: Thank you :-)

anon: Ha ha, I love the psycho one

anon: Hmm let's see how that Sydney business works out for me then

oldy: :-) Really? I'm a little bit proud

billybudd said...

LP,

I agree, moving. And still in character. I'm in a relationship of 3 years, and I'm moving 1000 miles away ... not sure myself whats going on there.

What I love about spending my internet time with you is how you stay in character and still manage to be so real. Artificially fake, like. Your writing often seems cathartic, and yet you remain distant. But on top of all of that you answer all of the comments as if you are another reader of the blog - creating a real community amongst us. Like this is behind the scenes. I can't think of any other blog where the comments are as important as the postings. Very popomo.

London Preppy said...

billy: That's a really cool comment, thanks. I'd put that in description of the blog up somewhere, definitely "cathartic yet distant".

I love the comments, I like replying to them, it's 50% of the fun.

the one in your dreams said...

hmm, well first off this was an extremely well written post. i just call 'em like i see them.

second, there is nothing more frustrating that waking in the middle of the night and trying to force yourself to not think--especially when one has so much to think about. so i can sympathize. of course thinking about the whole daphne/niles arc can be equally distracting.

well that and life.

sometimes as painful as it may be, i do believe the adage "smile and the world smiles with you," and so on and so forth.

LA_mkup said...

beautifully written post, could be the opening narrative to a movie script, next you quit your big city job, sell your Manhattan loft, buy a one way ticket to Italy, come across a run down seaside villa, buy it, hire the local handyman to renovate it, of course you clash at first but over the next 30 minutes (movie time) fall madly in love and all is grand in life.... ahhhh

LA_mkup said...

beautifully written post, could be the opening narrative to a movie script, next you quit your big city job, sell your Manhattan loft, buy a one way ticket to Italy, come across a run down seaside villa, buy it, hire the local handyman to renovate it, of course you clash at first but over the next 30 minutes (movie time) fall madly in love and all is grand in life.... ahhhh

Hot Mess87 said...

Oh my god, that was you in the video! Cute (with a capital C) this was a really great post keep up the good work. I agree 100% that some of the hottest men alive live in austrialia (and if they dont, they have exelent wine!)

London Preppy said...

the one: Thanks! It's even better written now that I've proof read and corrected the typos, ha ha

la: I look forward to playing the main character in the movie adaptation to the sequel to my life. That would be ace

hot mess: Eek, I should never have admitted it!

Mike said...

This is cool!! and fairly up to date. LP is moving on up!! why don't you include it on yourside bar. next i predict a book contract or paparazzi camping outside you place of employment...

London Preppy said...

mike: Trybaby wrote it! I'll mention it in the next post

Anonymous said...

i've done a bit of copy editing of the wikipedia entry.

London Preppy said...

anon: Cool, just had a look, thanks very much

Anonymous said...

do you like the work of francis bacon (the painter, not the 16th-17th-century philosopher)?

kim said...

I'm not one to complain (a lie!) but in regards to the Wiki site (which is 'ACE') who's idea was the ALL-CAPS? Come on guys, straight blokes with no design sense use ALL-CAPS, not well respecting homos ... and I'm done.

Jeff said...

Hey, thought I'd try to send something funny but relevant. You'll either find this amusing or wierd.

http://midwestteensexshow.com/2008/04/02/mtss-episode-15-break-ups/

One of the episodes has a line from American Psycho.

Trybaby said...

I've noticed that the post are more thought out and no typos!

Trybaby said...

BWAH!!! I knew it was going to happen but I still feel violated having my words and layout changed! LOL

Anonymous said...

So now that Sister Trybaby (in her Wikipedia article) has explained it all for us, all things London Preppy that is, one finds that the mystery and magic are gone…and this on the heels of the infamous “talking into the camera” video, also breaking the illusion. With Peggy Lee’s help, one is left asking “Is that all there is” to London Preppy? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe9kKf7SHco

Anonymous said...

better not bother putting the wikipedia link on the sidebar... it'll be gone sooner or later.

they're pretty tough on noteworthiness lately

jay said...

As a newbie, I am really impressed with your response to comments. A few of my blogger friends seem to be fans. I figured I'd check it out and I really like the blog.

When depressed, shopping also does me good as one of the comments mentioned. Most notably, my first iPod was bought right after I broke up with my first bf. It came in pretty handy those few months I used the gym as an outlet.

Van_boy said...

Sending you hugs from Vancouver! XXX

You're the same amazing person you were before you met ____ only smarter & wiser.

Having ended a long term re______ship last fall, I'm looking forward to the next one.
Not knowing where or when we'll meet is exciting!

Just know you will be happy again.
Time (& shopping) really does help!

You're a "Level 7" in my books!
xxxxx x

London Preppy said...

anon: How did you guess I would? The Study after Velazquez’s Portrait of Pope Innocent X is probably my favourite painting ever. Not that I know anything about art, but there you go

kim: Well I think somebody rectified that now if it's any consolation

anon: Well all the wikipedia information is lifted from the blog, so nothing new is learnt really...

anon: If they take it down I'll remove it I guess

jay: Damn I wish I had thought to give numbers to the posts in my blog to!

van_boy: Ah, thanks very much. Canadadians have been very nice to me on this blog, maybe I should move there

Dick Pics said...

great. now lets never mention the hugs again.

Trybaby said...

Wow that is weird, how did they
know you would like that painter........

Tim in Italy said...

A wonderful post, LP. Haunting, to say the least. One note: remember that nature abhors a vacuum. Any space left by this event, nature will rush to fill... probably with the first hot boy who comes along. Give yourself time.

Anonymous said...

I am truly impressed: At this obviously excruciating time, you managed to fully describe the situation , yet remain distant all the while. It is the simple manner in which you weave the events together makes it all the more powerful.It is easy to fall into temptation and write to your heart contents, as technically this floor is all yours. But you did not. That speaks volumes for your character.

I could lavish you with comments, but I trust others have accomplish that by mere commenting on your posts.

I wish you well. And, thank you.

Alex said...

I'm sorry for your anguish.. It sounds like manic depression: you might benefit more from some prozac than sleeping pills--

In any case, hope you feel better quickly

jay said...

LP, I actually thought of the idea when I got to my 100th post. I had the 100 in the title and then thought, wait a minute, why don't I do this with ALL of my posts and went back and numbered them all.

London Preppy said...

trybaby: I don't know, but I'd like to find out

tim: Interestingly the last thing on my mind right now is the next hot boy, but you're right of course about time

anon: Often the comments describe how I wrote are better than what I actually write, and I think this is one of those cases

alex: I really don't got the intense highs or lows of manic depression, more a stable level of nothing

jay: Ah, OK

Graham said...

LP,
Your insomnia is quite extraordinary. I don't know how you cope with it. Have you tried meditation or something? what about hypnosis?

Graham said...

"more a stable level of nothing"

What a perfect description :)