Monday, 12 May 2008

Monday 12/05/08

On Friday after work I go to the gym where he of course isn’t, because it’s Friday evening and he has more important things to do, like go to the pub and drink with his friends, pick up girls so he can have his fun with them and then dismiss them in a manly straight way, return home and watch the football highlights…that sort of thing. Basically things we’ll be doing together when we’re best friends at the end of this week.

Then I go home and then I go out and then I come back home where I have soya milk with ___ and then at 0230 I go out again to buy an ice cream cone and for this visit to the 24-hour shop down the road I’m wearing: pink and white stripy Ralph Lauren knee length shorts, green Ralph Lauren polo shirt, Timberland deck shoes. Then I go back home and pass out, possibly from the ice-cream, definitely from the ___.

On Saturday I wake up and I go to the gym where, yes, I may also do chest and abs but the main thing that I do is read the Info Cards of the personal trainers that are stuck on the wall, and in particular the Info Card of Pale Personal Trainer (PPT), who as I’ve mentioned is the most beautiful pale English boy I am ever likely to fall in love with.

And these Info Cards are supposed to tell us more about the man underneath the Personal Trainer t-shirt, so as to convince us that this is the person with the knowledge and skills to turn us from a fat lazy blob into a paranoid insecure gym freak, or whatever we want to be that day. Then again I am personally reading the Info Card so I can find out more about PPT since he’s not a bloody facebook and I can’t stalk him there, and assess whether we have anything in common and we’re meant to be together forever (even though I already suspect that we do and we are). So I suppose the Info Cards are a lot more versatile than the people at XXX gym who came up with them initially thought.

And PPT’s Info Card tells us…

Under Experience:

“Having played representative rugby at schoolboy and senior levels, I have learnt a great deal about self-discipline, self-determination and teamwork”

Rugby: OK, I could have guessed the rugby thing already because I have seen his legs in the changing rooms numerous times and they’re as big as my waist. And I may have never played rugby personally but I do have a big selection of rugby shorts, rugby tops, rugby helmets, rugby boots, rugby accessories, which fair enough I may only collect for sexual fetish purposes but he has no way of knowing that.

Self-determination: I have also learnt a great deal about self-determination, especially on those lonely evenings when I finish off a tub of Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ben & Jerry’s and then go and make myself sick in the bathroom, as a commitment to abdominal definition.

Teamwork: I also like working in a team, particularly if this team is in the next room and keeping quiet.

Self-determination: It’s good to know he’s learnt a great deal about self-discipline because he’ll need it when he’s tied up against the radiator in my basement sooner or later.

“Making the step-up to play in the English National Leagues and Welsh Premiership has not only enhanced these skills, but also coupled them with experience of top class strength and conditioning coaches, nutritional advisors and international coaches”

I live in England and have a (fake) Welsh surname.

Under Likes and Dislikes:

“Likes – Sports, all of them, competitiveness, hard work and determination”

Anyone who knows me will know that sport, competitiveness, hard work and determination are the cornerstones of my existence.

“Dislikes – Traffic jams and fad diets”

I, too, dislike jam in my diet.

Having concluded that PPT is a perfect match for me I leave them gym and meet up with Donnell and we go to Soho Square to sit in the sun. And to avoid the sun (even though it's quite cloudy) while I’m sitting there I wear the factor 50 sunblock but I also cover my legs using my gym shorts and my arms using my gym top, and this is a sight that looks like this:

On Saturday I go out with Donnell and Orville to bars where people drink and have fun.


Anonymous said...

You have it all figured out! I wish I was that talented at 28!!!

kim said...

and did Donnell and Orville have fun? (at your expense perchance?)

London Preppy said...

anon: I'm glad if it comes across that way! I wish it was the same from my perspective

kim: I didn't really think they were having crazy fun to be honest. Well maybe Donnell more than Orville

DJ said...

Were you home alone when you took soya milk with ___ ? Or was there somebody else sharing this "experience" with you..?

On a separate note, I guess we should all be getting ready for a summer wedding between Superman and LP. It will be the summer event of our social calendars!

george said...

your getting freakier......well i'm bit like you in that i don't like the sun when i have a tee on cos it gives you horrible sleeve tan or a tank

Matt said...

You need to quickly become friends with PPT so that you can go on holiday with him to Ibiza or wherever straight Londoners go on vacation. Then take lots of pictures of him shirtless on the beach (perfect non-gay pretext for shirtless pics). Then post them on here so we can all bask in his glory. I'm pulling for you.

Nathan said...

You know what's funny? I've been writing emails to my friends about you, which coincidentally bear much similarity to your posts about PTT (clearly evidencing the fact that we are meant to be together).

And I also fell asleep over the weekend. Four sleeps between Friday and Monday, only one of which I am taking as a clear sign that we are fundamentally and inextricably connected on a metaphysical level: This sleep was possibly (unlikely) attributable to the Tropicana but probably (definitely) attributable to the ___.

Oldyeller said...

Well, looks like we need to get busy on that basement, eh? If you were a P.T., I'll wager your card would read quite differently than his-it probably would reflect at least a scintilla of humor. The absence of that in PPT's card worries me a little-I wouldn't mention anything about eating toilet paper to him, at least at first.

Trybaby said...

Are these stripes horizontal or vertical? On the shorts that is.

Yes! I can click on this picture and examine it in it's full glory. I see that you found it prudent to bring your sunglasses along on a overcast day. For a cloudy day it sure seems like a lot of people are wearing short sleeves. Wow you put your RL bag on the grass? I would suspend it at all times to make it's value last as long as as possible. And I also like the fact that the man on the bench in the background is drinking a RedBull:D

Trybaby said...

Also I can't identify what the thing is you have your arms in, some kind of tank top shirt dress? And who's shirts are those unless you were wearing 3 shirts at the same time..... if they are Donnell's and Orville's why do they have their shirts off? It's not even sunny!

michaelsimon01 said...

LP, as you become more of a vampire (pigmentally speaking)please do remember to take vitamin D supplements, since your body won't be making it naturally; this deficiency can lead to certain diseases and to depression. Get the "Dry D", which is safe and won't build up in your liver. And you can become as pallid as a ghost with perfect peace of mind. Or your version of a peaceful mind.

Anonymous said... should be proud. your arms looked big and you looked VERY pale as you sat in Balans early on sat evening.

London Preppy said...

dj: Well...I wasn't drinking soya milk and ___ on my own.

As for the wedding, YES PLEASE!

george: Thank you, thank you :-P

matt: Well there's two straight boys I'm obsessing over at the moment, surely I'll befriend one of them

nathan: I guess we're all somebody's PPT!

oldy: Because I like him, I choose to believe that the gym wrote the card and he had nothing to do with it

trybaby: The stripes are vertical. As for the bag, yes I'll leave it anywhere. I don't want to scared to use my things because they might be expensive. I treat all objects the same way

The thing on my arms is my gym vest from my earlier workout. The thing in my legs is my shorts from my workout. Mind you Donnell still had his top off (not in shot)

michael: That's really good advice, thanks. I'll go get some vitamin D tomorrow, I've written it on a post it

anon: Ha ha! Nice, thank you. So what did you have?

Trybaby said...

Wow if they were horizontal.........

OHH!!!! When you say 'vest' you mean a tank top/wife beater! I always thought you were talking about like fleece zip up vests, but I didn't want to say anything.

dimitri said...

youre drinking soy milk?

its no wonder youre gay!


London Preppy said...

trybaby: Oh yeah, vest = wifebeater

dimitri: Well I can blame soya when my Dad confronts me then!

Trybaby said...

Hmm all the Asian boys are going to gay then.....

Anonymous said...

You think? I blame Raphaella Carra for turning me gay. Her show, on tv right after Snoopy, me being 3 years old... what else you need?

Where's Soho Square btw? Either I have passed by it and not noticed it or it's in a part I never been.


London Preppy said...

Vasilie: I Soho Square einai dipla sto bar Edge (sto telos tou Greek Street). Eiani para poly mikri

dimitri said...

maybe i missed it... but neither your parents know your gay?

how about other family members?

Graham said...

From this post I have learned a few things LP.
I think I would really like PTT, now that I know he has big thick legs.
I walked through soho square on saturday and didn't see you. This makes me sad.
I purposefully avoided going to balans on saturday. This makes me even more sad.

London Preppy said...

dimitri: I'm to some of my parents and a few family members

graham: Ah, so close! Do you think you might have recognised me anyway? Maybe I guess

Graham said...

Given that I hadn't been to London for two years, for shame, I was on a mission for random sighting. I'll have to go back soon to continue stalking perhaps.

Dick Pics said...

now you've got me wanting ppt. i hear the word rugby and my dick flies straight up. oh and you look really silly in that pic. adorable but silly. if you're not careful you're gonna turn into a bubble boy.

London Preppy said...

dick: Silly IS the look!

Guy Ruben said...

2 things

1. You never told us how the Bjork concert was, altho im sure it was fab.

2. I finally saw Less Than Zero. Well, only the last hour of it but now i reeeeaally wanna see the whole thing. Gotta love the deliciously 80's outfits in that movie!

London Preppy said...

guy: I did talk about Bjork here:

Well, as conventional a review as I'm going to ever write

Dmom said...

We rilly need to see your knee tat its been bugging me for a while by thy way why did you reveal your indenity i liked the misteriousness (if that awfuly spelled word is real)of your blog pre exposoure.

Maluminas said...

Oh god... That soybean article is complete crap, i hope no one took it for a fact.
1-They are PHYTOestrogens, which MAY be much less active than human estrogen (no refs, too many conflicting research, hence the big "MAY").
2-There is no proof that a hormonal imbalance during early growth stages can cause a change in sexual orientation. (
3-He failed to mention all the estrogenic pesticides that can persist into breast milk (I didnt find a ref, but its a well known fact)
4-The wording in the article just screams "hey look i know stuff and I'm homophobic"
5-He failed to provide any references.

I love to destroy pseudoscience, sorry.

LP, i know some (most) of this blog may be fiction so the following assumes its NOT fiction. I really think you should stop using drugs, and you probably think the same. They are probably the very reason you cant sleep, you have to break the cycle. And please stop that bulimic thing you got going on, you don't need to throw-up. Either don't eat it or workout harder. It could get out of control.

Ok im done patronizing you. I hope i didnt offend you, but i hope i annoyed you :P

Dick Pics said...

so what happened to the other blog?

London Preppy said...

maluminas: "But I don't use drugs" "Or throw up"

dick: Oh. That's gone

Dick Pics said...

will we ever speak of it again?

Anonymous said...

I agree with maluminas, pure pseudo science.

I had soy as a baby and even though I'm gay, I'm not feminine and I've got a huge cock and I had pubes before everyone else in my class at school.

Take that, homophobic anti-soy man.