Thursday, 22 May 2008

Friday 23/05/08

On Wednesday I’m at work and I’m staring at the wall, maybe the ceiling, maybe a print-out (I can’t be sure – after a while everything blends into one, into nothing) and then this guy comes back from lunch and he announces that he just went to a book shop and bought books after a very long time. And I’m thinking, wait, I’ve got to listen to this, even I need a good laugh every now and then.

So some girl who works for him (tall, blonde, genuine pain in her eyes) takes the bait and asks: so what did you get?

And I’m thinking, please don’t say Afflu

And he says: I got Affluenza and I got something called Watching the English.

And at this point I must stress how much I hate Affluenza. Affluenza is a new mock-sociology book that’s currently being advertised all over the tube and it’s written for people who are so bleeding thick that they can’t make their reading choices outside gigantic billboards. It is also another one in the series of appalling pop-psychology/sociology non-fiction must-reads, again for people who are fucking brainless and only read what their colleagues recommend, so that they have some small talk material for the office water fountain. Other books like that include Freakonomics and The Status Anxiety.

And at this point I must stress how much I hate Watching the English. Again, an absurd fad book that delves into everything and teaches you nothing. The reading choice for people who don’t enjoy reading, the literary equivalent of buying a Beatles Greatest Hits.

God, I’m so bitter, I hadn’t realised. No wait, that’s a lie, I had.

Anyway, even though I’m having an amazing time at work evidently, I do have to leave at some point and I choose to go to the gym.

I get to the gym at 1800 and I’m not expecting to see Superman there because it’s too early for him (he usually turns up around 1830-1840), but when I get to the changing room, he’s already there in his gym clothes, ready to train, way ahead of schedule.

And I’ve never doubted that he’s straight but this is further proof: over the next hour he does a speedy workout, like he’s in a mad rush, like he needs to be somewhere at 1945. And none of us gays may know this, but this Wednesday is a huge day for anyone who’s English and straight: the Champions League Final features two English clubs (Man U and Chelsea) for the first time ever. And the game kicks off at 1945. If you’re English and straight and you miss this, you either have some serious brain damage or you’re gay (insert your own jokes connecting the two).

So Superman trains like crazy doing half-sets and skipping abs and watching the clock, and when I get to the changing room at 1910 he’s already showered and dressed and practically ready to run out of there.

And if we needed any final confirmation that he is, in fact, straight, he gets the deodorant out, sprays it all over his clothes (yes, on his trousers, on his shirt, over his head) and leaves.

I think I might leave Superman out for a bit, because a) he’s defo straight, b) nothing exciting is going to happen and c) I’m getting quite bored already.

PS. Oh my God. I have just discovered my favourite new artist that I've heard for ages. Go download Je veux te voir by Yelle to start with. It's French electro, a bit like Daft Punk mixed with Mia.

Which reminds me, do people mind it when I recommend songs/talk about bands? I'm sure there's a few people out there who are interested...yes/no?

44 comments:

Tim in Italy said...

If I had to endure your daily existance in such a cultural wasteland, I'd be bitter, too. In a few months you'll be writting the great expat gay novel in OZ-land and you'll look back on all of this and laugh... or order up another shock treatment.

I do enjoy your suggestions regarding music and brands. But I can't wear the brands you buy without looking ridiculous and you won't wear Brook Brothers, thank God. But then you'd probably look good in sack cloth and ashes.

4:32am in Los Angeles. Insomnia rules!

Nino said...

You should consider getting the whole Yelle album. If you like "je veux te voir" you'll definitely like the rest of her album.

Also....well....this might be a little TOO shitty/guilty pleasure. But "Dragonnete" is a techno-ish canadian band that I have to admit is pretty good to work out to.

devon said...

Hey, people love it, or at least i do, when you talk about music or books etc. Keep it up, its fun finding new things...

London Preppy said...

tim: There's a (relatively) new Brooks Brothers in London, but I've never been in. I fear it will open a whole new world for me, a world I'm not ready for

nino: Cool, thanks. We're talking about the latest album here, right? She has about three, hasn't she?

devon: Great, I'll keep it up then

aurix said...

love the song. the video is even better :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsrN3qxX2Yw

blueyedboy said...

Recommend away - your taste in music seems to be pretty good from what I've seen up to now...

Ja said...

I've ruined Yelle for me, through overplay at the gym. Have you seen the coinciding dances and youtube vids? This one is my fav.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYaZYmTwOxA

As for music, I can only thank you for having the Cardigans Carnival running through my head on an almost daily basis.

Anonymous said...

Yes, honey. I love it when you talk about bands. Especially since I'm a big dopey, muscley, straight, married coal miner living in West Virginia. I need you as my cultural GPS.

wolveriner said...

It's almost relieving to know that there are other guys like you out there who can be 'stalky' on guys. I thought I was alone. I love your blog.

george said...

it's your blog i think you are entitled to say whatever you want to. but it is nice of you to ask. very unlike LP. however, recommendations are good no matter what it is......george

Julien said...

You can't like Yelle, she's old news!

Anonymous said...

i appreciate your song/band commentaries....they are really helpful in finding new, good music. please continue.

Anonymous said...

You're right, the books you mentioned probably are crap. Why don't you tell us what we should read. I'd like to know more about contemporary English literature (2000-2008 roughly). I'm not English by the way, it's not that I'm a dimwit who doesn't know about literature in his own country. Perhaps you could give us a few titles and explain why we should read these books.

London Preppy said...

aurix: It is! I heard the song through the video first, on some random Greek music channel

blueyed: Give or take Eurovision!

ja: I feel like I joined this Yelle party late...

anon: It's good that sarcasm goes over my head otherwise I might have been offended at this comment. What you do describe though does sound better than what you probably are

London Preppy said...

wolveriner: I think everyone stalks really

george: Very good, thanks

julien: As i said, I feel I joined this party too late. Oh well!

anon: I would be very embarrassed to recommend literature. I think it's above me to do so. It's easy to criticise though, maybe I'll just continue doing that

Constantine said...

Eh, keep suggesting music/songs that you listen to, I find myself gravitating to this blog more because of those things =D

But that doesn't mean I only go to this blog just to find music, of course.

Craig said...

Excuse my potentially snide comment, but just curious as to whether you read the two books that you so dislike in very specific ways? [I haven't.] Or are they of a genre of books that you wouldn't touch? Perhaps your co-worker will read them and think they are crap as you did. [He's apparently a jerk so probably not.]

Anonymous said...

Hey LP,
Yeah, definitely over Superman. Next…

Music is such a subjective thing, so unless you’re hoping to write for RollingStone any time soon, I’d be careful to add more. From what I’ve read, the blog has had the right amount of music.

Due to your impending arrival in Oz, I’m keen to sell the merits of some of our finest and make you forget all about Iceland. (I would say no disrespect to the Icelanders, but we all know they don’t read your blog lol)

Oz things to check out:
Music: The Presets – Apocalypso. Key song – ‘My People’ OR Cut Copy - In Ghost Colours. Key Songs – ‘Lights&Music’ and ‘Hearts on Fire’.
TV: Summer Heights High - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmhPVLkC6HA
Film: Two Hands

Cheers mate.

p.s. I’m coming to London in a few weeks for work, and in need of a gym. Seeing you have gone through your fair share of gyms, who better to ask? You need to rate the gyms. I think I also remember you were thinking of doing some posts/pics of exercises.

Jules said...

i'm interested

google for Radio ABF - specialised on French House and Electro

michael01 said...

Does this mean you'll be "going back" to PPT? Or did you never really leave him? I know you said he lost the rash (it was razor burn), but the image sticks in my mind in a strange way, like a faint pink shadow on the surface of milk...

London Preppy said...

craig: He is most certainly a jerk, but anyway. My problem with these books is that they are populist and complete fads. He didn't choose them himself, he let others choose them for him. I just hate books like that, that everyone reads. Even if they're fiction

anon: I will certainly check those links out. As for gym, well the gym where I go is the Tesco of gyms. It's not fancy at all, but then I don't need fancy

michael: PPT is a very good looking boy. Objectively more attractive than Superman who's just my own obsession. But what's the point? He's just another straight boy

Daver said...

Thanks. I'm always looking for new music so song and band suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Dick Pics said...

just cause he likes sports doesn't make him straight. he could be but that doesn't make it so. plus wasn't cristiano ronaldo playing? i would have been in a mad dash too. that boy is just...oh god. the dirty thoughts are coming again. i gotta run :)

nick said...

"Je veux te voir" is cool. Reminds me of one of my favourites "ca plane pour moi", which could also be a good track for the gym?

Anonymous said...

Maybe Superman was rushing home to see of Ronaldo removes his top at the end of the game. Or Lampard. Thats why I watched it.

Maluminas said...

I do check out your music recommendations sometimes, but I'm very picky. I usually like one or two songs by an artist/group and find that everything else sounds boring to me.

My top three artist/group I consistently love is:
1-Rob Dougan
2-Juno Reactor
3-Madonna

I know you know #3, probably #2, #1 is more unlikely because he did only one album 5 years ago. His songs just blow my mind, its weird.

Luke said...

Is there anything to the idea that you might fancy straight boys because you like a challenge, thrill of the chase etc. With most gay boys being ridiculously shallow pretty much all you need to do in order to fuck a fairly attractive one is turn up at a club in the usual subtle attire and try not to look interested.

London Preppy said...

nick: I just youtubed this, interesting...

anon: Oh Lampard! Did they?

maluminas: Wow, thanks for sending these, I recognise songs by Rob Dougan and I didn't know!

luke: Might be the case. Not that some of the gay boys won't put up a challenge as well!

Patrick said...

Brands I don't know, but music suggestions are a great idea. Especially if they're less than ordinary. Good times.

Andre said...

Uhm, music talk again, so here I am.

Yelle was in my top played albums last Winter. But then when the whole tecktonic dance became big and mainstream in Italy bc of her video, I just lost any interest...

Some of my most recent favourites:
- Chromeo
- Foals
- Junkie XL
- Those Dancing Days
- Metronomy
and if you haven't heard it yet get the "Great DJ (Calvin Harris remix)" by the Ting Tings

Uhm, and if you are not a fan yet, get the most recent Kitsuné compilations! (lots of inspiration there!)

Robert Maxwell said...

I hate to bring possibly bad news, but Brooks Brothers is owned by Marks & Spencers. So, I recommend you pass on it. Besides their clothes are over-priced and poorly made. Go to Marks and Sparks instead for real British quality!

Maluminas said...

I forgot to mention some of Rob Dougan's songs are used in The Matrix trilogy, so you might have heard them there.

I listened to his songs countless times and i still discover new layers in them every now and then. Its amazing.

London Preppy said...

andre: Thanks, I'm following all these up (cause I trust you). I do have the Calvin Harris mix :-)

robert: I do like the idea of getting clothes at M&S but in reality they are not a good fit for me. I found out recently that some of their trousers only start at 32 waist!

Eddie said...

I'm American and I even knew Man U was playing Chelsea. I didn't really care but I knew.

badabing said...

M&S - they seem to specialise in clothes for fat people.

Was this deodorant he sprayed on all over Lynx ?

Have you visited this shop -

http://j.simons.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/index.jhtml

London Preppy said...

badabing: They do, don't they?

Ha ha, Lynx most likely. Not that I'm not currently using Lynx myself :-)

That's a cool shop, I guess if you look hard enough you'll find everything in London

Rob said...

Good recommendation LP! By the way what does PTG stand for? Been meaning to ask. Not seen you in FFKS recently either.

London Preppy said...

rob: PTG = Personal Trainer Guy :-)

I might be going there today with Donnell

Anonymous said...

Glad the superman thing is done. Lately I have been skipping the SM paragraphs. The same song being sung.

London Preppy said...

anon: Agreed. It's a good thing I have no attention span and I get bored of things very quickly

timbo said...

Not to be a contrarian, but I actually thought that your bit about Superman two posts back was one of the best things I've read from you. It was funny and endearing.

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

***FLASH***

Dima won!!! Eurosvision will be in fab-tastic, elitny, pulsing, darkly, glam Moscow next year!

Bugger football - the real Moscow event will be Eurovision 2008, Mocscow 2008!!!

I kid you not, by the time I posted this I *booked* personal fav venue for after-party (seriously, I really did - I know the owners - great club-restaurant)...

...and scheduled 11.00 Moscow-time Monday, 'Tiger Team' meeting for our Eurovision party strategy. No shit. it's in scheduler/outlook/system-Mother thingy...

To do what I do, in a city to host Eurovision? Truly, one of my dreams come true.

And, hey, I give no shit who laughs at that! It'll be a big-budget, glotiana-das-Gucci.com fabulous night!

And Dima Bilan is, really, such a nice, non-star-fucky-bloke I am so pleased for him!

..erm...so back to basics. Ah, yes, Russian-oil geo-economics...etc

jay said...

let us see pictures of superman before u get too bored! i speak on behalf of everyone when i say WE HAVE TO SEE HIM!

JAY

josh said...

thanks so much for this song! i had my doubts when i heard it last night, but when i relistened this morning i fell in love.