Wednesday, 16 April 2008

Wednesday 16/04/08

So on Tuesday Enid sends me a message and this message says that she’s having a fancy dress party in the beginning of May and I’m very welcome to go as Marky Mark.  And the timing for this is very convenient (after I expressed an interest two days ago to be invited to a fancy dress party), a little too convenient perhaps, which makes me think that this is a set up, and I will turn up with no shirt and my pants jacked up above my waistline looking like an idiot, and everyone else will be dressed normally coming straight from work.  But I’ll go anyway. 

On Tuesday lunchtime I’m walking around and I go in Virgin Megastore which in now called Zavvi but that doesn’t make any sense, and as I’m going up the escalator they start playing Suedehead by Morrissey and for some reason this gets to me and I almost feel like crying.  Because I like Morrissey so much.  But I can’t even remember the last time I cried (am I unable to anymore? I hope so), so of course I don’t, but I just stand there and scan the TV comedy DVD section until the song finishes and when it’s followed by something or other from Blur, I leave. 

Back in the office, and having taken that as a sign, I go online and buy a ticket for a festival where Morrissey is playing later this year.  I say festival, but it’s not really, it’s just some park in central London and I can walk there from my house in a few minutes.  I guess it’s a festival for people who don’t really like festivals, like me.  I have held out from buying a ticket for weeks now, because I don’t like to pay for things much and I was living in hope that somehow I could get hold of a free ticket for this, but on this Tuesday afternoon I’m weak, weaker than I’ve been for a long time, so I give in. 

A Girl is also going and for this festival appearance I am: not wearing a shirt, but I’m writing in black marker pen in huge writing the words CRIMINALLY (on my chest) and VULGAR (on my back) after the lyrics from How Soon Is Now? 

Later that afternoon, Scott sends me an email which says that he thinks he’s lost the cat (he’s taken it back to his flat now) and I ask him where he last saw it and he says near the balcony and the balcony door was open.  So for the next 15, maybe 20 minutes I work on the assumption that the cat has jumped off the balcony, and I email Pam to tell her this… 

…and Pam asks me whether I noticed any suicidal tendencies during the time when I was housemates with Momo, so I say that he did seem quite disturbed mentally, and there was this one time when I found him hanging from my bedroom light with a noose around its neck, but I didn’t make much of it. 

Then Scott emails again and he says: Found the cat. He was behind the living room door! Silly cat. 

And at this point I don’t want to jump to conclusions about who is on more drugs – Scott or Momo – but I’m going to assume it’s pretty close. 

After work in the gym, I: 

-          do arms and abs

-          avoid making eye contact with the gays I half-know so that I don’t have to say hi to them

-          attempt to make eye contact with the straights that I like just in case they’re willing to experiment

-          see one of the unshapely personal trainers eat chicken breasts with breadcrumbs (breadcrumbs!) and roll my eyes at him

-          shower and steal the towel which I later put in the bin outside

-          watch one of the fit personal trainers go on a sunbed even though he’s nice and pale in a good way 

…decide that when I move to Sydney on the 25th of October and for the following months that I live there I will not sunbathe / go on a sunbed / get a tan, in fact I will avoid it completely and when I go to the beach I will stay in the shade, because I’m planning to be completely and utterly ghostly pale for the duration of my stay.  And I have about six months to let my body get rid of any melanin it’s accumulated in the last few months / wash out any tinted moisturiser I’ve applied, starting now*. 

*I reserve the right to change my mind about all this several times.

21 comments:

Dick Pics said...

poor momo. all this moving around is driving him to the brink of insanity. its only a matter of time before he decides to end it all and take you all out with him.

fleetmonkey said...

I went to that same festival a few years back - very good if not long day out (I live on the South Coast so was travel involved). Looking at the day you are going the only other act worth while showing up early for is Beck.

One of my main memories was thht Rufus Wainright was one of the earlier acts in the day - and he wore a Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen stle suit that looked like my Grans floral sofa had been skinned to make it.

Oldyeller said...

There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry
And you want to die.

[Perhaps instead of "criminally vulgar"--just don't cover up those abs.]

Graham said...

I was weak today too (mostly because I wasn't properly organised last night) and bought and ate chicken coated in breadcrumbs. I feel ashamed still.

London Preppy said...

dick: Bring it on Momo. BRING. IT. ON

fleetmonkey: I haven't even looked at the rest of the day. I will do now. God I dislike Rufus Wainright's act so much

oldy: That's a lot of writing! I don't really care about covering the abs though, it's not really the rigth crowd for muscle marys

graham: Well I've had 2 chocolate muffins, some biscuits and a sandwich today...

London Preppy said...

fleet: I've just checked the line up. Siouxsie is playing earlier, I'm hoping she comes on stage with Morrissey for Interlude though, that will be cool

Anonymous said...

So this is the second message that I've dropped you in two weeks and my flat mate thinks I'm mental...but since you seem to like coincidences... the reason I ended up reading your blog was cause I was trying to get buff(er). The reason I was trying to get buff(er)is that I'm moving to Sydney in August. Umm, actually it doesn't seem so exciting written down. In conclusion : A) I am no more buff from reading your blog than I would be from watching Lorraine Kelly in the morning and eating ice cream. B)In my previous message I asked if you were quitting (suede song video), asked what the music was and then wondered if it was used in the movie Shortbus?. C)Hmm...all conclusions should have at least three points?

Garry.

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

Apologies, I am blissfully late catching up on posts recent - a wonderful extended weekend in provincial Ukraine, tear-wellingly good at understanding the politics of central Europe for the last 100 years...oh... right...

...although I loathe cats, I share the oft-expressed mutual concern. I am on the cusp of alerting http://www.catchat.org/adoption/london.html to Momo's plight and asking for 'an intervention'.

Apropos Hallmarky-Mark - to quote 'Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds' (you see, we do popular culture too) - the Wahlberg boy is so the *anti-you*, it's quite funny.

A friend just UPS'd me, for my birthday (an age to celebrate if only having got thus far): "The Tudors", a US TV series staring Jonathan Rhys Meyers. I am sure they sent me this becuause they know my fondness for 16th C history...anyway... you so *are* JRM.

And you know it. LOL.

Is that why you profess to dislike him so much? :)

London Preppy said...

anon: Don't worry, people leave comments more often than once every two weeks and I don't think they're mental. As for your points, oh no, do I have to become buffer now because I'm moving to Sydney? I can't take the pressure!

red: Momo loves it really, he's just a drama cat (and a little crazy). In fact Scott tells me that I treat him too well and I'm too nice and cuddly with him. It's probably a good thing I won't have children because I'd end up making them super spoilt.

I don't know JRM looks like he's self-consciously posing all the time. And not with a sense of humour / in a self-deprecating way either

Ben said...

Cats are cray-zee. Well, the only one I know is: he is really a she, but is kept as a boy cat. And was abandonned by his former owners. Captain Cat also suffers from a boderline eating disorder, and will only eat when someone stands by his bowl.

Hiding behind the door? What a silly cat!

Have you thought about therapy for Momo?

London Preppy said...

ben: Hmm...I'm not sure we want to invest so much in this cat. In fact, I think Scott has been leaving the balcony door open on purpose...

Dick Pics said...

momo's just biding his time. momo's waiting for his plan to come together. a plan that is inspired by the film arlington road. a plan that will find you taking all the blame for the ensuing chaos and destruction after your demise. as your father regrets withholding your inheritance and your mother insists you were such a sweet boy, others will paint a different picture. including a certain woman that works at a certain gym who insists you were a psychopathic individual who had recently declared war on her. you also threw away towels. and momo. momo will retire to iceland and laugh at you.

London Preppy said...

dick: :-) very good

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

Somewhat off-topic *again*, but maybe not...

..a new young, Russian conscript-army friend in Moscow introduced me to this.

I thought you might like it (but you probably already know and have discarded it)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNixch31wmo

I was thinking of your next MTV-me vid moment, natch...

(my conscript friend, no doubt, felt affinity with the shaven head...)

Dick Pics said...

momo's glad you liked it. shit. i can't get that damn cat out of my head.

Tom Cat from Bondi Beach said...

Best of luck trying to find some shade at a Sydney beach, mate.

I think you will need to bring your own umbrella/shade tent [or borrow mine].

You may need to reconsider this :)

fleetmonkey said...

The one I went to they had Rufus come on with Keane to do a song they had just recorded. So I would say its not out of the question.

george said...

you'll tan and look twice as hot....greeks look hot with a tan but not too dark. cos you will just look like a gengori girl........george

Anonymous said...

LP,
Why do you and Scott live apart? Also, why are you going to Australia? How long are you staying.
Andy

London Preppy said...

Andy: Don't know really we like our own homes.

Going near end of year

Guy Ruben said...

I saw Bjork when she was in San Francisco, i think it was September. Awesome show! Think of me when she sings Pluto and Declare Independence!