Saturday is the day when everyone is flying out to different destinations, and by everyone I mean Matty and Nicole who are going to Sydney for a year, and Scott who is going to Gran Canaria for a week. Matty’s flight is at 2230 and Scott’s flight is at 2200, so around that time I’m sitting at home high on diesel and gasoline and six double chocolate muffins, and exchanging farewell text messages / emails / phonecalls with those guys. Then I go to bed around 0200.
On Sunday morning I go to Selfridges to buy some new Calvin Klein underwear for when I dress up as Marky Mark for Enid’s party. But the Calvin Klein underwear section has way too much variety and I must be standing there staring into space looking very confused for quite a long time, when some woman comes up to me and asks if I need any help.
And this woman is older than the average Selfridges salesperson (50?) and she has an accent, so I ask her what the underwear box means when it says the pants include a Profile Enhancer (which is blatantly code for “padding to make your knob look bigger”), because I want to make her feel embarrassed and see what she says. And the woman pauses for a few seconds and says that this underwear “provides more support at the front”. Then I buy three pairs of non-Profile Enhancer underwear, even though believe me I need it, and leave.
Then I go to the gym and as I walk through Soho on my way there, two Greek people go past and one of them says to the other: By the way, you know this is where all the fags hang out? And the word he uses for “fags” is very spiteful and derogative – fags is the closest translation I can come up with, but think a little worse (for Greek readers, the actual phrase he says is: “En to metaksi ksereis oti edo einai oles oi aderfares”. So yes, I’m definitely looking forward to my weekend visit to Athens.
Finally, on Sunday I make my first attempt at the Good Vibrations video and also decide that it might be the last one too. I am certainly not posting that thing, but here are some caps to assess the ridiculousness for yourself.
I think I’m only acceptable as a human being when I remain static. And silent. And blank.