Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Tuesday 15/04/08

Firstly, let me say again that I’ve started a side-blog called London Preppy Videos, which will only host videos and no writing.  I know some people tried to visit yesterday and the videos weren’t working, but they do now.  Right, that’s the last I’ll mention of that blog on here, it can do what it likes from now on. 

On Monday I spend all of my workout and the tube journey back home listening to Good Vibrations and trying to learn the lyrics and right now as I’m typing this I’m thinking that this might take longer than expected, as I can’t even remember what the first line is.  I’m going to guess that the first word is Yo though.  That’s halfway there, surely. 

At home, I decide to download all other Marky Mark songs that I can find, so in the next half hour I add to my iPod: Happy People, Life In The Streets, You Gotta Believe, Wildside, United.  I do not listen to any of these songs on this Monday evening and neither do I intend to in the future, but I know I’m incomplete without them: I must have them. 

I go on wikipedia and read Marky Mark’s biography once more and then I find and read lyrics to the songs I’ve downloaded (even though I still refuse to listen to them) and I don’t know if it’s my loneliness, my delusion, the twelve chocolate truffles I’ve eaten or the crushed Valium I’ve snorted after two Tylenol PM, but I’m starting to realise that Marky and I are not so different after all.  In fact, we are very similar.  

At 0020, unable to sleep after this realisation, I turn the lights back on, sit up in bed and make the following list.  A list that’s supposed to put my thoughts in order and help me get some sleep. 

A List of How Marky Mark and I Are Not So Different After All, In Fact We Are Very Very Similar 

1)      (wikipedia tells me): His full name is Mark Robert Michael Wahlberg.  

I, too, have two middle names 

2)      (wikipedia tells me): He was born June 5th.  

I was born on January 6th. That’s one day after the 5th

3)      (wikipedia tells me): As a young teenager, Wahlberg described himself as a troubled child who often participated in acts of violence and vandalism 

I, too, was once a child. 

4)      (wikipedia tells me): When he was sixteen, using racist language, after robbing a pharmacy under the influence of PCP, Wahlberg knocked a middle aged Vietnamese man unconscious with a wooden stick, left another Vietnamese man permanently blinded in one eye, and attacked a security guard. Wahlberg has said that he has no recollection of the incident because he passed out just before the police caught him. 

I, also, have no recollection of robbing a pharmacy, knocking down and blinding people of ethnic backgrounds and attacking uniformed figures of authority. 

5)      (wikipedia tells me): In the video to Good Vibrations, widely broadcast on music video channels, Mark was shown boxing, lifting weights and showing off his bare, well-muscled torso. 

I am broadcasting on blogger a nonsensical, often ridiculous blog where I’m showing off my not-so-well-muscled-but-still-passable torso. 

6)      (wikipedia tells me): He briefly became embroiled in controversy when he appeared to endorse homophobic comments made by Shabba Ranks 

I am a homosexual. 

7)      (wikipedia tells me): He first displayed his impressive physique in the Good Vibrations music video and most prominently in a series of underwear ads.  In 1992 the Calvin Klein billboard in New York's Times Square featured Wahlberg exclusively. 

I displayed my (much much less) impressive physique wearing underwear on the cover of five magazines, which are either free or sell an average of 32 copies per month, but were very prominent in my head. 

8)      (wikipedia tells me): Mark and model Rhea Durham have been together since 2001. They broke up for 3 months after their daughter was born in 2003 but soon got back together. 

Scott and I have been together since 2005.  We broke up for 3 weeks after he dumped me in 2006, but I cried, begged, stole and borrowed my way back in and we soon got back together. 

9)      (Marky Mark tells me in the lyrics to his song Life In The Streets): 

“Yo, I grew up rough in the streets of Boston, Massachusetts,

Lived real ruthless, a wild kid, out to get a bid

Did some shit that he never shoulda did

Had to learn the hard way that some day you gotta pay”


Yo, I grew up rough in the streets of a leafy Athenian suburb, lived real in a ruthless private school with lots of spoilt cunts; didn’t do much shit, granted, but I definitely agree that some day you gotta pay, especially because your Daddy doesn’t want to hand over all the property to you now and you’ll have to sell part of it to find money for the inheritance tax. 

10)  (Marky Mark tells me in the lyrics to his song Life In The Streets): 

“Quick to kill, I gets ill, I make ya blood spill” 

I also got ill, with Guillain Barre Syndrome 

11)  (Marky Mark tells me in the lyrics to his song Good Vibrations): 

“Pure Hip Hop, no sell out” 

Quite frankly, story of my life in six words. 

I rest my case.

27 comments:

Jamie said...

oh my god, your practically the same person!

I think your body is just as nice as marky marks!

Stephen said...

Ha - I did enjoy that post. The similarity is quite uncanny. Spooky even.

Though isn't there a better way to lift one's spirits than valium (I seem to remember that's what the Golden Girls craved)? Perhaps cracking one off over a happy memory - then all you'd need to pop is an extra zinc now and again.

P.S. Your torso is splendid.

Daver said...

Shit, I had no idea I had that many things in common with Marky Mark too, and you for that matter. Thank you for helping me with this realization. I will definitely sleep better now.

London Preppy said...

jamie: Oh Jamie, you should come to work and cheer me up when I'm feeling down, thanks

stephen: Too much effort!

daver: Yes, it's great isn't it? These apply to everyone. We can all be Marky Mark between the years of 1991 and 1993. Before or after I'm not interested, mind you

Oldyeller said...

You're both 5'8"; and I assume you will be dedicating a book to your penis soon, as MM did. As for torsos, I'm sure yours is much more musclier than his is now. Plus, I'm sure you look much better in gold aussiebaums.

Anonymous said...

markymark has a tattoo of sylvester the cat on his leg.
you have a tattoo on your leg. and a cat.

Ben said...

*gulp*

I am not that sure that I could be Marky Mark - I don't have one middle name, let alone two.

And, I was born on the 16th, which is nowhere near the 5th :-/

I dunno how I am actually gonna live with the hole in my life. Never mind, even getting to sleep tonight....

Oh shit, I am now posting nonsensical ramblings on a blog, so maybe all is not lost. Yet.

Please, someone tell me there is hope for me to be like Marky Mark. Please.

I wear Calvin Kleins. I even have some on now. Will that aid my arguement???

Bolt Upright said...

I’d like to place an order for the boozy chocolates. Assorted flavours, please: rum, hazelnut, valium, GHB, etc. Thank you.

London Preppy said...

oldy: Oh yeah, aother bit from wikipedia - dedicating his book to his "dick". Amazing

anon: That made me laugh, very good

ben: Calvin Kleins, I assume you were a child once, maybe a homosexual? You're in there mate

bolt: Now there's an idea. They will go down great at work (where I might add I've had big success with my brownies and truffles over the last two weeks)

Dick Pics said...

does this make american girl your kate moss or something?

Anonymous said...

he also has 3 nipples.
as does lily allen...

London Preppy said...

dick: Nice, we like that

anon: Intriguing. I guess I'll have to get one

Timmy said...

OMG! I the similarities are astounding! Except...your body is much better than MM.

London Preppy said...

timmy: Even in my highest highs I wouldn't believe that, but thanks :-)

Superchilled said...

Priceless.
I think Wikipedia should run a side by side comparative biography - MM and LP, together at last.

Greg Turner said...

You know, Mark Wahlberg once beat up a second cousin of mine, and later moved his mum into my home town to get her out of the 'hood.

Ah, Boston.

James said...

This is potentially the single best blog entry I have read in my life. Perhaps you should do a youtube video of your rap.

Are there any similarities to MM's part in the movie Boogie Nights that you would like to share with the crowd?

Ja said...

Perhaps the most striking similarity amongst you, the 2 tattoos. The first being your names, his done quite elegantly including date of birth. The other a nod to great word composers.

Jon C said...

Due to the overwhelming similarity, I think you should start referring to yourself as Preppy Prep.

Fresco said...

:-)

I have following things in common with MM: we were both born, me on July 5 (the difference is 1 letter), I too have 2 middle names, one of which is the French equivalent for Michael, I was a child once although I can’t remember it, we shared the same first name in a 1997 movie, and maybe the same size as to which this movie was all about, who knows, who cares, I wear aussieBums instead of CKs and therefore I am a homosexual.

That’s all.

London Preppy said...

superchilled: Well, his current one can double as mine really

greg: Nice, that's a great connection

james: Nah, none whatsoever. The complete opposite

ja: Wow, you are right, he does have a name tattoo, I hadn't even realised

jon: Damn it doesn't work with my first name. Maybe time for a change

fresco: I can't believe how many people similar to Marky Mark there are out there. It's insane

semistraight said...

"In fact, we are very similar." <-- There I went "No way!"...but I have to admit that you completely and utterly convinced me ;).
Unfortunately, the whole comparison thing doesn't work nearly as well for me *sobs* ...I guess there can only be so many people similiar to Marky Mark.

Annmarie said...

tylenol pm is so underrated. i love the stuff but you can't buy it in ireland. or pepto bismol. :(

Annmarie said...

i love tylenol PM - it's my med of choice but you can't buy it in ireland. i have to bulk buy in the states. :(

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with you...
Your two last posts were absolutely hilarious, in a non destructive way. I peed my pants.
Blimey! Who'd have thought? You _are_ human after all...

Ben said...

Hmm...yes, I was once a child. And yes, the CKs do indicate a homo side - I even have been known to wear Aussibums on occasion. Oh dear.

However, I have never worn MM style baggy pants.

Matt said...

Actually, there's another similarity.

I once saw Marky Mark at Los Angeles International Airport while we were both waiting for planes. He was wearing a baseball cap low over his eyes, and we walked past each other. We made eye contact, and there was a moment of recognition where he conveyed to me "I know you recognize me, and I will fucking kill you if you make a scene. So far nobody else realizes I'm here." So I just looked away.

And I think that's EXACTLY the kind of look you probably give people on the tube or especially the gays at the gym you don't want to say hi to. What do you think?