Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Tuesday 01/04/08

So on Friday last week it’s some guy’s last day at work and a leaving card is going round and this time I write (in all capitals, in square geometrical handwriting, in the centre of the card):

Tuesday night, 3am, lying in bed making a list of the things I’ll miss about [HIS NAME].  At number 2: Seeing you, standing in the kitchen, clutching a bottle of water, looking at my direction but way past me, lost in a thought that I’ll never know, a thought I suspect I’m not worthy of knowing anyway.

I have lifted part of this from something I wrote on this blog recently (you may recognize the last sentence), but a) nobody knows that, b) it sounds sufficiently crazy, c) I can’t come up with completely new things even for leaving cards of colleagues I hardly know, my inspiration has its limits.

On Monday after work (4 out of 10) and the gym (8 out of 10) I get on the tube to go and visit Scott, who’s still sick.  There is nothing that unsettles me more than mid-week activities that delay me from getting home when I have to work the next day.  Well, in fact there are many things that unsettle me equally/more, but for the purpose of this story I will pretend there aren’t.

There are four stops with no changes on the tube between my home and my work/gym, so it takes approximately 10 minutes of traveling to get there.  The fact that on this Monday night I decide to travel to the edge of Zone 2, across 15 stops WITH a change, so selflessly, a silent martyr, a prisoner of Scott’s love, an altruistic saint, indicates what a great boyfriend I am.  The fact that I’ve decided to write a post about it and moan incessantly over 1,000 words or so, indicates that I’m not.

- By the fourth stop, I am starting to wonder whether we’re getting there yet

- By the ninth stop, I have run out of crappy free newspapers to read

- By the tenth stop, my iPod battery is starting to run low

- On the thirteenth stop I have to change and while I’m standing there waiting for the next train on a platform with no proper countdown, I am starting to sweat, my breathing is short and my eyes are getting tearful.  I am not making any of this up

By the time I get to Scott’s place I could have been home for 45 minutes and ironed my shirt, prepared my food, chosen socks and underwear, lined up my shoes and made my gym bag for the next day.

I moan at Scott a bit (because that’s what he really needs right now), have a protein shake, make him check whether the first episode of Gossip Girl is repeated on ITV2, and five minutes later I’m out the door and on my way home.

Finally, here are three subjects where you can take action / let me know what you think / interact:

Take action.  If you want to see Andrews’ Boyfriend’s review of the weekend they spent in London / at my flat, read here.

Let me know what you think.  Earlier this week I receive an email from the reader and that email says: “Hey LP, Have you thought about selling more stuff on ebay now that your site has taken off? M___”.  And I says: “Why M___, what a great idea.  What could I possibly sell on ebay that people are willing to bid for though?  If anyone has any ideas, please let me know and I’ll consider putting it on ebay.  Try to be semi-serious at least”

Interact.  At work, Pam says: “Which reminds me – did I tell you that I really really loved that video of you reading to Lisa Loeb’s Stay? (LINK HERE).  And I says to Pam: “I like that video too.  Maybe I should do some more in similar settings”.  And Pam says: “Nah, that would undermine it. But you could do other things, like:

1. making a chicken and cauliflower dish to Roxette

2. cleaning your bathroom to Pink Floyd

3. walking to work to Suede

And I says: “Definitely great ideas (apart from I don’t like Pink Floyd).  I should film mundane everyday activities to ridiculous soundtracks”.

So if you can think of a mundane activity that you’d like to see, again, let me know and I’ll see what I can do.  But I will choose the soundtrack thank you very much.

36 comments:

Dick Pics said...

how about you film yourself getting dressed for work? or undressed when you get home? or taking a shower? or having sex? that can be mundane.

billybudd said...

So --

I wasn't going to say anything, but I think selling items on eBay as if they were holy relics smacks of exploitation - uh, exploitation of yourself. Now, I'm not you. But it doesn't seem too consistent with the LP persona. You are a consumer. Once you become a producer, you are at the mercy of the market - an unfathomable admission of subservience.

Unless you put your underwear up for bidding.

London Preppy said...

So I'm sorry, I'm an idiot and by mistake I deleted 5-6 comments :-(

Replies though are:

Forehand Pass: thanks very much, it does take dedication but I like it a lot

Foxx: That's a good idea, I might try that. Or brushing my teeth or sumfink

Anon: You had quite a few locations right, but not all of them. I'll mix up the stop numbers a bit now!

Jim: If only I was any good at editing video...

Vpo: Thanks guy. Where do all the new people come from??

dick: Ha! No :-)

London Preppy said...

billy: I kinda agree with that, but you also have to remember that I have no shame and/or pride

Dick Pics said...

well how about working out? or maybe watching one of your sitcoms? like frasier or whatever greek shows you watch.

Daver said...

I was thinking maybe a video of you writing with your perfect hand writing to see how you meticulously work. Or a video of you setting out your clothes, gym stuff for the next day. Or packing your lunch for work. Or doing reps at the gym. Or lying on the couch watching frasier. or even a video of you popping a valium. I especially like this idea because it would let us into your head as to what song might be playing as you perform this ritual.

Craig said...

-Andrew's boyfriend's comment that you came home early from Scott's because he was "beyond repair" was quite humorous I thought.
-Possible to video you working out at the gym (you could add tunes later to drown out the grunts) or doing pullups or some such muscly thing in your flat, or making triple chocolate muffins in your kitchen clad only in a preppy yet revealing apron?

London Preppy said...

daver and craig: Thanks for these, I'm keeping notes and will see which ones I can do. If only Scott or Donnell would come round and help me with some of those

McKenzie said...

I think it'd be even better if you did really inane things to overtly sexual songs. Like:

Flossing to Miss Kittin's "Frank Sinatra"

Clipping your toenails to "Closer" by nine inch nails

Plucking your eyebrows to "Sadeness" by Enigma

Dean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
London Preppy said...

dean: What now?

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

Apropos Billybud - so love that name (tortuously awful opera: no darling, it is, really...):

"Once you become a producer, you are at the mercy of the market"

...erm... yep that would be capitalism's singular & proven curse: 'cos Macdonald's, Coke, Pepsi, Nike, Nestlé, Citibank, Google, adidas and all the other 'brands-that-suck-human-soul' have really suffered, non?

No, I think we should extend *Brand Preppy* and lobby the *producers* of this blog fabulousness - cos, like, this *is* is the euro-trash version of 'Brat Boy Skool' n'est pas?

Anyway, lobby the producers for a spin-off blog. Of *SCOTT*...

...with occasional, and nicely 'street' references to the Preppy product... (great product tie-in for Google ad synergy)...

It would be like *Joey refers 'Rachel'* - except in this case 'Joey' would be hot - not a lard-ass - and funny...

...and this Rachel would be 'gay' (gotta luv that demographic')...

...oh

...oh well...

(sorry, I'm cunty: budgets, in five freakin languages and 7 freakin tax jurisdictions. Everything is pissing me off - except your *shiny, uplifting, 'always-look-on-the-brightside'-blog*)

...do I get black-listed now?

Bolt Upright said...

I'd bid if you put the ********* t-shirt up for sale, but I reckon it would give away too much. That's a well nice shirt!

And it's a shame, too, cause I've checked ebay and apart from some handbags and art work, it's a seriously underrepresented area and just ripe for more product placement.

Dean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
London Preppy said...

red: No, you'd have to try much harder than that!

bolt: Eek, is it that obvious?

dean: I'm really not following!

Bill Harkins said...

I think a video of you brushing you're teeth to Tainted Love, the Marilyn Manson version, would be really good.

London Preppy said...

bill: Brushing my teeth is my current favourite

Timmy said...

Put your red shorts on ebay.

Do a video of you going to Tesco or a video of you on the tube for 15 stops (with one change).

Moscow said...

Question LP: Did Scott take care of you whien you were suffering from Guillain Barre Syndrome?

surely he deserves more than 5 mins of your time?

kim said...

i vote brushing teeth while wearing that black mask from movies past

or a well produced time-lapse of you writing a list, shopping for items on said list, cooking a chocolate-based-something with items bought from said list, eating aforementioned chocolate-based-something, regurgitating majority of chocolate-based-something, taking photo of regurgitated-chocolate-based-something and posting photo, with description on eBay to assist in selling regurgitated-chocolate-based-something.

Graham said...

I think brushing your teeth is a good one too, but even better, you be if you were to shave your head. I think that would be the best. You could even do it without any help.

Auctor Ignotus said...

Typing replies to comments. You pick the tune.

Marcus said...

It would be great to see a video of you ironing your shirt, picking out socks and underwear and getting ready for your next day. I realize you would have to film from the neck down, but you could possibly be wearing some sexy pants.

You could also video yourself shaving your pubes (no need to show the cock) and then put them in a plastic bag and sell them on eBay.

Ja said...

I don't know if you're up for a location shoot, but getting a tan. or perhaps a montage of carrying groceries back from the store. (with moving red eye bar of course)

the gold shoes you wore the other day were quite nice.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the brushing your teeth thing sounds brilliant. Maybe flossing as well - that's really hard to do while looking somewhat stoic.

Dammit - no soundtracks? I was thinking of really cheesy ones like: Mariah Carey's "Hero" and ABBA's "Thank you for the music" and maybe a bit of L.A.M.B.

- Bry

AlwaysReadySF said...

What about a video of you clogging the toilet of your gym with some cement or doing something equally vindictive? You haven't forgiven them already, have you? That just doesn't seem to be in character...

Or - even more outlandish - you eating CARBS.... ;-)

Stephen said...

Selling your own stuff makes you a little too accessible, so I wouldn't do it. Also provides an outlet for any stalkers you have.

Andrews' boyfriend is cute.

Anonymous said...

First off - love your blog!

How about a video of you riding the tube? Perhaps with a new remix of "strange love" by depeche mode?

Very funny note on your co-worker's leaving card. Was there an 'At number 1' for things you'd miss about him?

Rico said...

Brushing your teeth sounds great. It'll be easy to incorporate the gratuitus booby chest shot for the drooling admirers.

As for Red Exile's comment, he has a very good point. Beware of self-exploitation, as the blog world has seen it used ad nauseum by our tragically misguided Brat Boy the late JR Reynolds.

The ebay idea is humorous yet callow- I'd avoid it altogether and continue looking for thrills in other places.

seescapist said...

Your devotion to Scott is really moving, so I suggest:

- ironing your shirt,
- preparing your food,
- chosing socks and underwear ,
- lining up your shoes and
- making your gym bag for the next day.

A 45-minute blockbuster, it'll be mundane (for you), exciting (for us) and it'll show (him) what you must sacrifice (for him) ;)

London Preppy said...

moscow: Yes he did. I know, I suck

everyone about the videos: Thanks, I'll try to do some htis weekend. Will ask Mean to help me

everyone about ebay: I agree, I've changed my mind about doing that

anon who asked for comment not to be published: yes

London Preppy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
george said...

how about cleaning the toilet.....or cleaning scott.....or better yet stabbing someone......george

Superchilled said...

Ok so I'm all for the interaction.
I'd suggest a trilogy video series.
Video 1: LP goes to work (walking / the tube / whatever) to the soundtrack of _______. (we see what LP sees)
Video 2: LP works at his desk to the music of _____ ____. (we see LP)
Video 3: LP takes an insanity break from work in the mens or whatever works for him. (someone else films LP) to the tune of _____, or just complete silence.

London Preppy said...

george: With trusty dagger of course!

super: I like the work theme...

Anonymous said...

I'd really like to see an 'in situ' video. No get your head out the gutter, I mean something like you spitting chocolate muffin out of your mouth whilst sitting in a coffee shop....