Because the beating that I take through everyday life just isn't enough for me...
...and due to the fact that I like to build up my hopes, work myself into a crescendo of anticipation and excitement, live under the delusion that things will get better because let's face it, how much further down can you go when you've already stalled at the bottom for two years and eleven months...
...so that when reality crashes down on me I am even more shattered (which is something I blatantly get my kicks out of)...
I have taken to reading my daily horoscope in the Metro on the way to work. And I expect this one day to tell me that, yes, everything will be fine, all the rules of the universe will be reversed and I'll come out carefree and I'll come out sane. And when that day comes, when my horoscope decides to give me another chance, I'll suck it all up, I won't question a thing, I'll just move on with my new life victorious, happy, an unexpected winner.
And on Wednesday, my horoscope reads:
"A charming, sociable Wednesday, during which everyone wants to be on your side. It’s not your new aftershave, it’s not your budging wallet or even your film star looks. It’s your positivity. It’s catching"
Fully aware that the only way my positivity can be described as catching is the way that it catches people by the throat and violently chokes them, I take another hit, as the knowledge sinks in that my last source of hope...the daily horoscope...has also turned against me and is now taking the piss.
Then I go to work, then I work, then I receive a DVD boxset of Real World:Las Vegas through the post, then I go to the gym where I do shoulders, then I go home.
At home I argue with Scott over who we're voting for at the London Mayor election and when he strongly disputes my choice I argue back that I don't know and I don't care really and I'm just choosing my candidate based on the political party they represent and this political party has to be what my parents have been voting for all their lives, and isn't that how everyone makes their choice, that's what I'm doing anyway, so there.
And safe in the knowledge that imbecilic ignorami like me set the course of this country, any country really, with their misinformed voting and lack of knowledge on anything, I watch the Apprentice and go to bed resting assured that the world of Business is fucked as well.
On Thursday night: