So on Wednesday I dress for a funeral and I go to work and the moment I walk up to my desk my boss says, you’re looking very smart, and I says thanks and some other guy says, or like you’re going to a funeral and I’m acting like: oh really, I hadn’t noticed. Then my boss asks if I perhaps have a job interview (as a joke) and I says, yes, can please leave at 1600 today (as a joke).
Then I work a bit and then I receive an email from a girl at the other end of the office and this email says: “I saw you were wearing a black tie today which although eminently stylish does not usually mean good news. Sorry to see that”.
Then I email this girl back and I tell her: “Actually it's okay, a part of me has just been slowing dying over the past 28 years and I've finally ready to start the mourning process. Today I'm attending my own funeral. I appreciate your concern”.
At lunchtime I’m supposed to meet Mean and Matty and Nicole and this is the last time I will have seen Matty and Nicole before they move to Australia next week. So Mean and I get there first and Matty and Nicole are running late, and while we’re waiting Mean and I slag them off, because quite honestly who do they think they are leaving us waiting, we have jobs after all, what do they do all day? Nothing, that’s what (they’ve both finished working now and are just killing time until they fly out).
Then they arrive and I give Matty some iPod headphones I got him as a farewell present and then we chat for a bit and then we hug and then I go…
…because I have to meet A Girl at the local churchyard, where we can hang out in our funeral clothes and look mournful.
So I get there and I find A Girl sitting on the closest thing to a tomb they have, dressed in black, wearing dark sunglasses and smoking a fag. And I walk up to her and tell her, you don’t look crazy at all, and then we both sit on the tomb (or the closest thing they have) and we occasionally take pictures of each other trying to look solemn and the look we’re going for, specifically, is:
We’re in this cemetery. We’re mourning and we’re reflective after the death of a friend (?), distant relative (?) that we weren’t that close to anyway. We are almost still in shock from this person's death, we haven't even been able to process our feelings. Deep down inside (although we would never even be able to consciously think it at the moment) we are secretly relieved that they are dead. These thoughts will come much later, but for now we can just stare at the coffin and wonder what, if anything, we could have done differently to save a life that never really had a chance.
Later that night, in bed, I can’t sleep so I get up at 0045, take some Tylenol PM, spray an ant I see in the kitchen, log on to the blog and answer to some comments, go back to bed, focus on the pictures from the churchyard and nothing else, fall asleep.