Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Tuesday 25/03/08

First here are a couple of reminders: 

a)       Please send pictures of your tattoos to enter the Best Reader Tattoo competition and the potential opportunity to get a right piss-take by me.  I don’t know why you’d want that, but I’m sure you would.  Oh yeah and if you send a picture, include a London Preppy reference in it, as proof that it is actually you.  I don’t particularly want to see tattoos you’ve googled. 

b)       Please join the London Preppy fanpage on facebook – if you are on facebook.  Again, I don’t know why you’d want that (apart from to serve my own selfish purposes for further promotion of this blog), but maybe you would. 

Now then, yesterday I wrote the clubbing post and one of the quotes I included implied there was an incident of confrontation / swearing / fighting.  It really wasn’t as bad as that, but here’s the full story anyway. 

It’s about 0530 and I want to go home and I’ve just joined the queue for the cloakroom, a queue that I’ll be part of for the next hour.  So I’m on my own, because everyone else has stayed in the club, and prepared for a long wait.  

That’s when somebody comes up behind me and pulls my shorts down.  Not my underwear, just my shorts.  Properly down though, to just above my knees.  So at this very moment (I haven’t turned around to look who it is yet), I’m thinking: 

a)       If it’s Scott or Donnell or Brendan, fair enough, I will laugh it off

b)       If it’s somebody I know but not those guys, perhaps a clubbing “friend” that I know and chat to, I’ll tell them off but joke about it

c)       If it’s somebody I don’t know at all, they’re dead 

I pull my shorts up not having lost my dignity because I didn’t have any before anyway, turn around and realize it’s c) somebody I don’t know at all.  And that somebody is some guy in his 20s I guess, non-muscly, kinda Latin looking, generally invisible to me.  He’s stood there with some girl and I think he’s smiling, but I can’t be sure, I’m too angry.   

Instantly I start shouting at him at the top of my voice: Why the fuck did you do that.  I must point out that I am very good at pronouncing the word fuck when I’m angry, I literally spit it out like a punch and I get great pleasure from it.  Conversely, I never ever swear in Greek, because it feels too rude.  The guy looks a little unsettled, even though not as unsettled as I’d like, and he starts delivering a long rant in an incomprehensible, unattractive language.  Is it Spanish?  Is it Portuguese?  Is it Brazilian?  Is Brazilian even a language?  Please do not answer any of these questions, I don’t really want to know. 

Because he doesn’t even offer an apology, or even a basic response in a non-ridiculous language (i.e. English, perhaps German, I’d even accept a Scandinavian language to be honest), I get more pissed off and I continue screaming at him: Fuck off.  Fuck right off.  Fuck.  Right.  Off.  As he’s stood there I also push him on the chest with both hands (symmetrically) hard enough to make him realize he needs to fuck. right. off. (as per my verbal instructions), but not so hard that I’m threatening his safety or anything. 

Then he’s gone and I turn around to continue my queuing. 

During all that, one person I know is actually around – an American gym friend I will call Alexei from now on – and even though he didn’t catch the shorts pulling incident, he turned up just in time for the confrontation.  So I have to ask him how I looked, whether I came across scary and/or mental, whether this aggro look is a good one for me and I should do it more often…that sort of thing. 

EDIT: See comments for Alexei's eye-witness report.

Finally, here’s a picture or two of the red shorts, as requested by some readers. 





Yes, they looked even more ridiculous in real life.

36 comments:

Bolt Upright said...

That was very good and quite funny, too, but it's no match for the story I made up in my mind using your quotes and text messages from the night! :-)

billybudd said...

How inappropriate. The shorts-pulling. Not the shorts. Those are hot.

London Preppy said...

bolt: Yes, sometimes it's better to leave the story half-told. And let your imagination run wild.

Nice picture too

billy: Thanks. I do expect somebody to comment that if I'm wearing such shorts I should expect everything that comes with it, but hopefully I'm wrong

Timmy said...

That was a rude thing for him to do even if you are wearing short shorts...which by the way are way cute on you.

London Preppy said...

timmy: Thank you, I know!

If there are any girls reading this, can you please comment whether it happens a lot that people undress you when you're wearing a short skirt?

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

Hmm... I am just catching up with your latest posts. Gosh.

Just as the liberal media in the US is tutt-tutting one Sally Kern (you can catch up with her brand of poison here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T_7s3x4JoQ)

...there's me just wondering if she's just been reading your clubbing posts which, methinks, make pale into insignificance all her wildest nightmares LOL.

PS: In St Petersburg tonight the weather is worse than even Russian winter can throw at you and, at the Rocco Forte shack here it is full of bored (cold) public school boys shackled to their parents on (cultural) Easter break... and I swear one was reading your blog on his mac. I didn't say anything (natch) - quite aside from 'dirty old man' syndrome I swear I may have known his father!

TheDreamer said...

I think the shorts are great too. Very very 1980's. I think BEE might even approve, in a cynical, biting sort of way.

London Preppy said...

red exile: It's freezing here as well. I'm sure not on Moscow levels, but it's the colder it's been all winter.

Also, another (possible) reader spotting? Brilliant!

thedreamer: I think they're actually very old. I got them on ebay. I'm not sure they've been around since the 80s, but I'm going to tell myself they have

overshowered said...

ola.. new reader here; first of all let's agree with the rest. the shorts are cool and the guy was a twat. The section about where the guy was probably from and not speaking a proper language is kinda irritating though and may i add that finding someone speaking spanish at matinee-of all places- should be expected...

i was wearing a long blingbling chain and had someone have the bright idea to twist it around in a 'pull yourself to me' sort of way. when i pecked them on the cheek and told them to get off they thought it was a good idea to reply 'who do you think you are'.

that's clubbing life,i guess. actually no. that's clubbing wankers for you. and the guy spoke proper english. still a twat.

London Preppy said...

overshowered: To start with I like your name.

I appreciate how the language section was irritating, I am facetious and ignorant at points, not because I strongly believe these things, but because I think they make for funny reading.

Did this happen at Matinee too?

Oldyeller said...

Thanks for hitching up the shorts a bit to give us a better look at your muscily quads-you obviously don't neglect your gams at the gym. We wore shorts like that in the early 80's, but they were tighter-fitting.

overshowered said...

yeah it happened at matinee.
thanks i do agree, my username is fab.

exploring how people interact due to what we could generalize as differences of language/cultures always makes for interesting reading. i still believe the language difference does not need to become the focal point of the piece for it to be great to read.

saying that it creates a reaction. and that's always writing for a purpose, which is a good thing.and kinda hot.

Alexei said...

Yeah I missed the actual incident but the reaction was well deserved in my book. You just don't mess with the short shorts. Plus, a 1 hr coat check line at 5am is bound to test the nerves of anyone. It was more one of those "is this really happening right now?" moments though. And I'm just gonna put this out there that I haven't seen enough aggro incidents in London. Breaks up the passive-aggressiveness quite nicely.

London Preppy said...

alexei: Ha ha, brilliant. An eye witness testimony! Thanks

NGM said...

Hey, i got pantsed at Mardi Gras (sydney) did not have any undies on at the time, was in like a foyar area so light as well, and the full monty.
fortunatlly some (kinda) unwanted attention a few minutes earlier had left things looking a bit larger than normal and i got a bit of a cheer. turned out to be a bit of a high light now i think of it.

ps, please sent anyone looking for a shaved head criminal type my way in the future...

Dick Pics said...

you looked smoking in the red shorts. did you have like a trench coat or something to wear over them? cause i just can't imagine wearing that in public. i can't imagine wearing that in private. i guess thats cause i still have dignity. oh and you were wrong. that story was very interesting. i think it might have been one of your best. and that fucker should be glad you didn't have your dagger with you. do you think he knew who you are?

NGM said...

Hey, i got pantsed at Mardi Gras (sydney) did not have any undies on at the time, was in like a foyar area so light as well, and the full monty.
fortunatlly some (kinda) unwanted attention a few minutes earlier had left things looking a bit larger than normal and i got a bit of a cheer. turned out to be a bit of a high light now i think of it.

ps, please sent anyone looking for a shaved head criminal type my way in the future...

London Preppy said...

ngm: Was it somebody you knew who did it? What makes people do that!?

dick: Nah, I don't think he knew who I was or that he'd ever seen me before. It was just very random

semistraight said...

Actually I think your reaction is a really positive thing because it will probably keep that guy from doing similiar stuff to other people less likely to fight back (e.g. me ;)).

Btw, do single dot tattoos count ;P?

Jon C said...

If I had been behind you for any amount of time, I would have wanted to pull your shorts down too, hoping that a) you wouldn't be wearing any underwear or b) I would pull that down too. So, I can't blame the guy who did it. :)

george said...

you looked hot in the shorts.....the dacking was not called for!!! i would have knocked him onto the ground. what makes strangers think that is an ok thing to do???!!?!! good on ya. he was lucky you didn't have your d......george

Richard said...

That was pretty strange and rude of him to do that. If someone did that to me, I would probably just turn around and not know what to say to them and laugh nervously, however my ideal self would have reacted the same way you did.

Natalie said...

Actually when I was in Crete there was this guy on the beach who was shouting at me and my Mum that he wanted to have sex with me so we ran away. We warned some other girls on the beach but they ignored us and he went up to one of them and pulled their skirt down. He was considered a sex pest. Reported him to the hotel and they said 'He must of been Albanian, a Greek would not do that!'

Also here are some even gayer shorts. This was sent to me by a straight guy I was seeing which frankly concerned me.

http://www.topman.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=17551&storeId=12555&categoryId=56914&parent_category_rn=38963&productId=620351&langId=-1

Mike said...

You have the WORST taste in clothes.

Grace said...

My boys undress me all the time.... for gay guys they are really obsessed with my breasts....

They don't touch the skirt though... too scared of the vag!

And if a random touched me, I'd kick the crap out of them

Love the shorts though, they look *amazingly hot*

London Preppy said...

semistraight: Where is this single dot please? Sure it counts

jon: Well, you could see my underwaer sticking out on top. So at least he didn't try to pull those down too

george: :-) Very good

natalie: Just managed to see the shorts. I'm not going to pretend I wouldn't wear those

mike: Oh Mike...

grace: Cool, it's good to know all us girls have the same problems...

Ben said...

It's just possible that he thought you were someone else I suppose, though your reaction was still wholly justified.

The shorts look like replica Liverpool FC ones circa 1988. If there's an e-bay market for this kind of stuff maybe I should sell mine, although I was 11 years old in 1988 so perhaps not.

London Preppy said...

ben: I'll take them. I'LL TAKE THEM!

Ben said...

Well they will be too small for you, but it could be arranged...

I'd also like to point out that I am not a Liverpool fan. I have Man Utd shorts - either black with a thin red stripe, or white, both with the red adidas logo.

London Preppy said...

ben: I don't know...I'm smaller than you think. Possibly as small as an 11 year old, ha ha. Can we get a picture?

Ben said...

Trust me, they will be too small, but I'll dig them out and get back to you. A photo may be possible, though I certainly won't be in it.

G said...

He should not have pulled your shorts down: that was out of order. I would have been either furious or soooo embarassed I could have died on the spot! Not sure how you feel about nudity but...thank goodness you had something extra on underneath.

However, having looked at the red short pics: you dare moan about your body not being good one more time - and believe me it PAINS me to even offer you a compliment as part of me thinks you might be fishing for one or are faking self- deprication - and I will have to find you in London and choke you with my bare hands!

Questions?

Guy Ruben said...

I want some version of your stomach. I'm about to start doing your diet. Toilet paper and all!

The shorts are too damn cute! they give me 70's. Maybe wear some knee high striped socks?

semistraight said...

Hmm...in case I really bring myself to reveal the dot tattoo - of course I would have to have your readers guess where it's placed.

Anonymous said...

Simply put, you were born in the wrong decade and now, to compensate for your unfortunate fate, you are desperately trying to live life backwards, no? First there was the preppy thing, sort of 1980’s ish and now there’s the ultra short shorts which are very 1970’s. Clearly the mod look is next, but then perhaps you should stop at the 1960’s.
Actually, that sort of cool and disinterested waifish mod look could be very sexy on you! Something to look forward (backward) to! Anyway, please hurry up and get through the 70’s as some of us actually lived the horrors of that decade’s fashion (and have the prom photos to prove it).

Anonymous said...

It looks like it must have taken some effort to work those tiny shorts over your massive thighs, he must have been experienced. And then let down that you didn't appreciate his skill