Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Tuesday 18/03/08

So on Monday, I have the day off work and I wake up at Scott’s house and secretly hoping that he doesn’t get up, I sneak out of the bedroom and into the living room so I can watch my own choice of TV and not the crappy TV that Scott makes us watch.  

And my own choice of TV includes such amazing programmes as The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad, America’s Next Top Model, Frasier, Girls of the Playboy Mansion (aka The Girls Next Door if you’re in America) Malcolm in the Middle, generally anything ridiculous and/or mindless.  And Scott’s choice of TV includes such atrocious programmes as How London Was Built, What the Tudors Did for Us, anything on the Discovery Channel, anything on the History Channel, anything factual and dull. 

Then unfortunately Scott gets up so I get dressed and go home, but not before stopping at M&S to pick up another chocolate cheesecake, which I finish eating in front of my TV despite the fact that it’s making me sick, very sick, but very happy.  

Later in the evening, I’m unfortunate enough that the movie adaptation of Less Than Zero comes on one of the movie channels on my Greek satellite TV. 

I’ve started watching this movie several times before and I’ve never made it past the first 10 minutes, I just find it too painful.  This is not what the book looks like in my head, and what goes on in my head is the most important thing there is.  Tonight, however, I’m feeling particularly self-destructive and I keep watching. 

The main character, Clay (the literary character I most associate with) is played by this guy called Andrew McCarthey, who’s glass-eyed and vacant, no because he’s dead inside (like the best of us), but because nothing has actually gone wrong in his life. 

Within the first five minutes “Clay” has arrived in California and got into a taxi to get home, and the twat of an actor who plays him is looking around wide-eyed, expectant and, dare I say it, grinning.  There, I’ve said it, he’s grinning.  

The fact that he’s wide-eyed though annoys me the most.  I, personally, have never opened my eyes fully for anything, and neither has Clay in the book (as I imagine him).  In fact, if I were ever tempted to open up my eyes wide, I would take some Valium and lie down. 

Then, other characters appear (Blair, Julian) and they are played by actors so unfitting, I can’t bear to watch anymore.  There, I’ve made it to 18 minutes and I feel kinda dirty. 

I’m quite convinced that Bret Easton Ellis must be appalled by the movie adaptations of his books.  Mind you, if anyone wants to turn my story into a movie, they can give me the cash and then they can go on and cast whoever they want to play me, Scott, Donnell, et al: Danny De Vito, the old lady from Titanic, Whoopi Goldberg, I just won’t give a fuck.

25 comments:

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

I remember reading Bret Easton Ellis liked the adaptation of Rules of Attraction, which makes me happy, as I like that movie.

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

Admittedly, the film of "Rules of Attraction" was heresy: everyone involved should have been consigned to death by auto da fe.

But of 'Less Than Zero'I thought Robert Downey Jnr made rather a good fist of it; although (like River in 'My Own Private Idaho' maybe he picked up through the movie traits that were later to mark his life...drug-wise that is)

As an actor, IMHO, Christian Bale can do no wrong, so I liked American Psycho...

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

LOL - two people, same movie...two opposing views.

Critics eh?

London Preppy said...

Aha! Two very different views on Rules of Attraction there...

I find American Psycho movie the most tolerable, even though it's one of my least favourite books

Dick Pics said...

how about orlando bloom to play you? he's tiny and cute and with short hair looks a tiny, tiny bit like you. and for scott i say hugh jackman. but not tiny "im a queen who likes musicals" hugh. i want "im wolverine bitch" hugh. yeah, thats the one i want.

London Preppy said...

dick: I don't mind Bloon I guess, would prefer somebody with blue eyes though please. I suppose we can give him contacts. I think Scott is getting the really good deal here though!

MediocreMonster said...

They did butcher rules of attraction and that's the only movie of his books I've seen and the only book of his I've read but don't really remember reading.

I'm sure I've lost a few brownie points.

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

Come to think of it, don't you think it *has* to be Whoopi that plays you?

As directed by *Lars von Trier* (he is so massively phobic he would be hugely sensitive to your... um... 'judgments' on life...)

It would have that mix of oppulent madness that would be so - *off-handly* - just you...

She's butch enough, non?

...have the producer hit me up for the ven-cap

Greg Turner said...

On an only semi-related note, the new film "Funny Games" seems like something you'd be interested in as it features two young preppies in their tennis whites and immaculate gloves terrorising a suburban family. I doubt it's particularly Ellis-like in actuality, but on the surface...

London Preppy said...

mediocre: Fine I'll admit it, Rules is my worst adaptation too. That scene with the drug dealer, oh my God

red exile: I suppose it could be "alternative casting", such as Kate Blanchett playing Bob Dylan last year...

greg: "Two psychotic young men take a family hostage in their cabin". It has certain potential I suppose...

kim said...

re Funny Games watch the 1997 original ... not sure about the current version, but it'd be hard to beat the original

Auctor Ignotus said...

So you sort of finally answered my question about who'd play you in a movie adaption of LP.

But I ain't buying the Bloom choice one bit.

I think you need someone with more crazy, more silent stares, more emptiness and the demeanor of someone who really does give cryptic two word answers in person and then look at you like they're thinking about saying something to finish the thought but they just want you dead, right there on the floor. Personality characteristics that border on a clinical disorder.

Yes, all this with a selectively applied knowledge of refined social skills providing a backdrop of responses that alternate between on an insistence on good behavior from others and massive affronts to personal propriety. Hence the blog.

It's less about looks and more about presence. I'd go for Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

Matt said...

How about ryan phillippe? Can shave his head, kind of short, nice build, blue eyes...

And lets not forget he ruined the life of a sweet all-American girl, so he has a bit of attitude in him!

Or if we go for a crappy movie...Nick Lachey on his acting debut!

JA said...

I hope you puked up that cheesecake. Don't break my adoration for you... and the only good thing in the rules movie was the 2 minute Victor backpacking through Europe short. except i disagreed hugely with casting.

Richard said...

That's funny, Less than Zero is on one of the "On Demand" movie selections in the USA right now and I started watching it because I thought of this blog and how much you enjoyed the book, but I got too bored and put on George Carlin's HBO Comedy Special instead.

London Preppy said...

auctor: Even though I like the whole description and it seems you have a perfect idea for this casting, I actually dislike JRMvery much. I don't know if it's horrifying memories of him in Velvet Goldmine or his general queeny demeanour but I quite hate him

matt: Ryan's a good one (and we can also pretend I'm blond which is god). And we all know how I love Nick as well of course

ja: :-( I kept this one down

Sam said...

LP, I think Shia Lebouf could play you quite well. He'd have to put on about 100kg of muscles but I think he could pull off the intense, I'm-dead-inside stare.

Auctor Ignotus said...

Do you hate Cillian Murphy? He's a little too goofy looking but he's got the crazy down pat.

Auctor Ignotus said...

I could go with Sean Farris if you are wanting something closer to your actual appearance. Seems like someone you'd like. Google him and click pictures. It's a pleasant set of results.

We'd need to give him something to make him slightly more psychotic.

george said...

do you have your dagger with you all this time? where are you hiding it?......george

Oldyeller said...

On a different note, I am new to your blog and have spent the better part of the last 3 work days neglecting my job whilst obsessing over delicious pics of you with your pouting looks of distracted wonderment and numerous past posts riddled with wonderful insecurities and obsessions. You must spend an amazing amount of time working at this blog, responding to comments, etc. Thanks very much for that. I would go on about your good looks and excellent & amusing writing style but I won't.

Graham said...

I think Cillian Murphy would be a better LP. I know he can look a little effeminate at times, but he has that certain crazy something about him. I can picture him sitting at his desk, rusty blade sitting under a stack of papers, his fingers searching it out from time to time, just to touch the handle, sense its power, before returning to the keyboard to continue writing detailed attack and escape plans and sending them to the large communal printer station.

Simon said...

Re: The Rules of Attraction; I think the film was the best Ellis adaptation. It captured the spirit of the novel for me and I thought Roger Avery did a fantastic job of editing it.

That said, American Psycho is the best adaptation in terms of making something unpalatable palatable. I find the book repulsive to the extent that I almost can't read it - and I have a hard time understanding why Ellis goes into such graphic detail - but the film is engaging, gripping and captures the dark macabre of the book. Maybe it's because it was directed by a woman, Mary Harron.

Books like Ellis' will always be best as books. Any transfer to the big screen will be tricky as often his novels are basically about nothing in particular. Remains to be seen if The Informers will be any good. I hope it is - if only for the fact that it was Brad Renfro's last film.

T said...

Have you seen this LP?

http://www.outsports.com/os/index.php/2008031868/People/2008-People/Ben-Cohen-to-honor-gay-fans-May-28.html

You were the first person I thought of when I saw it.

London Preppy said...

So, I don't know most of the people mentioned, so I'm googling them and giving quick views.

sam for Shia Lebouf: I'm not sure, I can't see the edge

auctor for Cillian Murphy: Way too pretty

auctor for Sean Faris: He's good, I want him so far. He looks handsome and talentless (perfect)

george: No. No, I don't

oldyeller: Thanks very much. Yes, it does take time but I enjoy it

graham: Ooh, another Cillian Murphy one! But yes, as you point out too feminine

simon: You sound like somebody who knows a lot about film, and I have watched a total of 5-6 in total in my life. So I'll leave it there!

t: Interesting! So what exactly is going to take place at this event?!