Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Tuesday 11/03/08

Over the last week at work, I decide to turn up the crazy a little bit.  Some strange behaviour, a few more peculiar habits, an odd outfit, a twitch perhaps…I’m sure all these things will work in my favour at some point.  I don’t know when or how, but this is what I’m willing to believe at this point.  Fair enough, having the Bret Easton Ellis tattoo on my arm has given me a head start.  Obviously, to most people Bret Easton Ellis = American Psycho = Mindless Explicit Violence and comments so far have included: “London Preppy is so quiet, I expect him to come in one day and blow up the whole building” from some senior accounts guy.

Not so much trying to build on this reputation, but mainly just continuing to be myself, on Wednesday I write on some girl’s leaving card (a girl who I hardly know and have barely spoken to): I’ll never forget the time we nearly got stuck in the lift together.  Was it a look?  Was it a touch?  I just don’t know.  Maybe I never will.  Maybe it’s better that way. 

On Thursday, I bring with me in my Ralph Lauren gym bag a very old, quite rusty but still fully functional 25-centimeter dagger (17cm blade).  I put it in a folder and during the day I have it there, sitting on my desk in its cardboard hiding place, occasionally spreading my hand and touching it, getting strength from it like a vital – and at the same time lethal – source of energy.  Anything to keep me going.  I toy with the idea that something physical has to die, I’m tired of it always being abstract like my will to live, my faith in humankind, etc. 

Later that day, back at home, I make the mistake of leaving my rusty dagger on the hallway table overnight.  I go to sleep and only in the morning do I realize that if somebody had broken in, they would have had a perfect opportunity to grab it and use it against me.  Letting this sink in as I eat my breakfast, I consider keeping it under my pillow from now on.  Remembering that under the pillow is where I keep my head when I sleep, I leave for work still undecided.    

On Friday morning, exhausted from playing mind games with myself all week, mind games that I have no chance of ever winning, I distract myself by researching the forthcoming weekend’s rock star birthdays online.  And Saturday the 8th of March, apart from Gary Numan, it’s also blues singer Mississippi John Hurt’s birthday.  Infuriated that 0ississippi John Hurt is a much better name than mine, regretful that I didn’t come up with this first, and working myself into a rage about having already tattooed my name on my left leg, it takes me at least two hours to remember that nothing is lost yet:  there are infinite name changes I can have, and a second leg that is begging to be tattooed. 

In the afternoon, I shut myself in the toilet taking my iPod with me, watch Sean Cody’s Parker, Billy and Danny for a few minutes, listen to Saint Etienne’s Tell Me Why twice looking outside the window, and for a tiny part of a second I’m almost happy.

20 comments:

Richard said...

I wish that I could remember something so perfect to write on someone's leaving card!

London Preppy said...

richrd: Feel free to take this one down and use it at your discretion!

Bolt Upright said...

How very stupid of you to leave the blade on the table. Everone KNOWS that burglars aren't smart enough to bring their own weapons. You were just asking for it!

Dick Pics said...

no, no, no. you aren't allowed to be happy. not even for a second. stop that.

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

Over the last week at work, I decide to turn up the crazy a little bit.

This line is cracking me up. I'm not sure why, as you normally write funny stuff. Maybe because it comes first, with no warning.

London Preppy said...

bolt: I know, I know. It's going on my pillow tonight

dick: It was less than a second. Just a tiny sliver of happy

frontier: It's funny because it's true

Dick Pics said...

i guess you can have your sliver as long as it doesn't happen again cause the next thing you know this blog will be devoted to puppies and unicorns. yuck!

Tom Cat from Bondi Beach said...

So did you want to be Parker, Billy or Danny ????

London Preppy said...

tom cat: I've answered everything I wanted to answer last week!

Maluminas said...

Hey i wanna get Billy on my iPod too! How did you get past all the DRM protected videos thing? Its either so simple ill look like a n00b, or its illegal. But i still wanna know... :P

F8Full said...

:'(

London Preppy said...

maluminas: I have no idea how it happened. It just appeared in the movies in my iTunes. I don't know how. (well it was saved in a different folder in my laptop of course)

george said...

.......you having a st etienne comeback? she is so good. her voice can be so eerie!?.....george

FitnessNerd said...

You know, not to be a starfucker, which is oddly apropos for this comment, but "Billy" is from Indiana, which is a great shock. I know him, but alas, have not been able to recreate any of those Sean Cody videos with him.

Also, I think DRM might be slightly different for Sean Cody on the Mac, which I think I recall LP saying he has.

fuzzy logic said...

I thought something was up. But I thought it was because you were mixing navy with black. Kerrrazee!

McKenzie said...

Intentionally unnerving co-workers reminds me of the time I was forced by my friend to do a greetNgrin with the spice girls. When it came time for the group photo-op I was elected to be paired with Sporty since we were both the tallest in the group. I thought to myself, how can I make this has-been feel even more awkward? That's when I wrapped my arm around her waist and whispered in her ear "Oh my, I wish we had known each other first". She replied with a short nervous laugh like I was the CEO of her company and I had just made a racist joke.

London Preppy said...

george: It's also St Etienne comeback time on my iPod!

fitness: Which one is "Billy" in that cinematic masterpiece?

fuzzy: I hope you liked my brown and navy combination today!

mckenzie: We deserve to see said picture

McKenzie said...

I only have one where it's just me and Posh. The big group picture was done professionally and it has yet to be emailed to me...

Do you have any suggestions for things to write in sympathy cards for co-workers? We get a lot of people with dying relatives. Although it might be in bad taste to write something banal on a sympathy card, but may be they should have thought about that before not holding the elevator for me?

London Preppy said...

mckenzie: For a sympathy card (well, as long as it's nobody's child dying, maybe an octogenarian distant relative) I would write something horribly cliched about life and death, somethign that sounds so noble it can only be ironic

McKenzie said...

How about

"In this, your time of need, my thought are with your [insert distant relative]. I am sending lots of positive energy his/her way so that they may better transcend from this life into the afterlife: which ever one your religion permits"