Well as we all know yesterday I started my list of 10 embarrassing songs I like. However, I went off on one and it was too long to post in one day, so here's the rest...
6) Eye of the tiger - Survivor
In this song the singer from Survivor tells us his story and his story is one of struggle, defiance and finally, victory. I’ve been informed that this was the soundtrack to a (well-known?) 1980s film set in the world of “boxing”, a film that went by the name of Rocky and starred some Italian guy called Sylvestro Stalloni. I can’t confirm this story, because I don’t watch films and even if I did I would prefer something less violent like Ratatouille or Overboard with Goldie Hawn.
Regardless, I have wanted to relate to this song for several years now and every time I pretended I did, I was called out by friends (Andrews mostly) for actually never having struggled, never having overcome anything and never having ended up victorious after a lengthy battle with something the magnitude of which initially broke me down and brought me to my knees.
Then, I was lucky enough to get Guillain Barre Syndrome (have I gone on enough about that one yet? I think not) and the lyrics “Rising up, back on my feet, did my time, took my chances” never seemed more poignant.
If I have one objection against this song it’s the title. The eye of the tiger is certainly not something that I posses, as I spend most of my life trying to look blank and/or bored with dead eyes. It would have been more representative if the song had been called Eye of the Budgie, Eye of the Rabbit, or even Eye of the Mole.
7) I have nothing - Whitney Houston
This is a song sang by an African American singer who calls herself Whitney Houston and it’s a paean to having nothing (if I can’t have you). The lyrics are a bit blah and predictable to be honest, but the glass-shattering vocal performance combined with hugely dramatic arrangement stop-starts makes this a winner. I have often thought that I should light a few candles, come up with some choreography and perform a seductive dance for Scott singing along to this, but a) I am not that much of a queen and b) Scott might not really appreciate it. So I just play it on repeat and mouth the words staring back at my computer screen instead.
8) She’s like the wind - Patrick Swayze
This is a song from the soundtrack to that famous Patrick Swayze movie that we all know and love: Ghost. You will remember him singing to Demi Moore’s ear, sitting behind her whilst they’re performing some kind of odd sexual act involving clay, pottery and a spinning wheel. PS. Please do not comment on this, I do know it’s not from the film Ghost.
I can’t believe how successful Patrick Swayze was in the late 1980s, he would act, he could sing, he could dance, my God, he was the perfect human being. I don’t fancy him, mind you. Anyway, I will also presume at this point that he also wrote the music and lyrics to this song, and dear me, what lyrics they are! Patrick uses a spectacular metaphor, whereby he is a tree and the girl he’s in love with is the wind. The line he uses to portray this, goes as follows: “she’s like the wind, through my tree”. Amazing: simple and effective.
Patrick goes on to put himself down a little, singing to us that the girl is out of his league and that he’s a fool to believe he has anything she needs. I spent a couple of months in late 2004 obsessing about a girl I thought I was in love with and listening to this song, thinking that similarly to Patrick’s predicament, this girl was out of my league and I didn’t have anything she needed, that’s why this infatuation was going nowhere. As it turned out, the real reason for the infatuation going nowhere was that I was gay and, in fact, the girl didn’t have anything I need, including big muscles and unkempt facial stubble.
9) What’s left of me - Nick Lachey
This is a song that somebody wrote and gave to Nick Lachey soon after his split from professional strawberry ice-cream impersonator Jessica Simpson. We were all there at their wedding, we were there at the honeymoon, we even fucking moved in with them when they came back and stayed in their new house for the first couple of years. So it came as a shock to us all when they split up, completely unexpectedly, without a single word of warning, without the chance to say goodbye.
Anyway, when the time came to take sides, Nick came up with this song and won us all over. Listening to Nick cry/sing “now I’m broken, and I’m faded, I’m half the man I thought I would be, but you can have what’s left of me”, left little sympathy for that witch, Jessica. I don’t know what she did to poor Nick, but I want her dead. Incidentally, I would still like to fuck them both, and I’m even willing to put up with Jessica’s demented stare (the ditzy blondeness and perfect breasts on a lollipop body make up for it) and Nick’s lack of six-pack (the overall muscleness and general jockness without putting it on like the average Abercrombie-clad gay person make up for it).
10) Keep on loving you - REO Speedwagon
In a similar scenario to I Want to Know What Love Is, I want this to be the soundtrack to my (straight) teenage love, but this time I want to marry this girl and I want to spend the following 35 years living in absolute bliss in a suburban house in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, driving the kids to soccer practice, sweeping away the dead leaves in the fall, having picnics by the lake during summer, sitting on the porch on warm evenings in May, coming back from fishing trips every third Sunday of the month. And then when disaster strikes I want my 51-year-old wife to lie in bed, tired and weak from the chemo and whisper to me “and I meant every word I said, when I said that I love you, I meant that I love you forever” before falling asleep for the last time, while I stand there, numb with pain, unable to cry, oblivious to the fact she
I can post more of these if you like, there are plenty.