On Saturday we wake up at 0645 and run downstairs and get on the bus and 3 ½ short hours later we’re at Grenoble airport, where I force down a big sandwich, a pain au chocolat and some Milka chocolate, because I won’t be eating these things for a while from now on.
And while we’re waiting at the airport we play a new card game that Matty just invented, called Strip Guess The Card. In this game Matty holds a deck of cards and I pick one without looking and I have to guess which one it is and if I don’t, I have to take off one item of clothing.
And after I lose my Lyle & Scott jumper, my Louis Vuitton belt, one Timberland boot, a second Timberland boot, my G-Shock watch and I’m ready to take off my Energie T-shirt, Matty stops the game “to protect the public”, which means that he forfeits and I win.
Then we get on the plane (Matty, Nicole, John A, Emma! and I) and then we’re back in London.
On Saturday evening I go out for dinner with Scott and Donnell and Brendan and Bryant and I eat a pizza, because I’m still on holiday and it doesn’t count. Then I spend the night at Scott’s where I would have liked to stay up and watch CSI and Family Guy, but unfortunately I fall asleep at 2300. Well at least it’s now been 9 nights since I last took sleeping pills or Valium.
On Sunday I can’t remember what happens, so it can’t have been that good, no actually I take that back, it MUST have been good, because every memory is a bad one, and not having any can only be good news.
On Monday I’m back at work, so at lunchtime I go out to the shops and after a week of being sociable and friendly I revert back to my usual self, it’s not that difficult actually, I just walk around looking blank and emotionless, go in shops and buy things avoiding eye contact with the staff, look past people handing me flyers and discount cards on the street.
And as I walk back to the office I make a new shortlist of what I find attractive in people and my top five things (plus their opposites which I find completely unacceptable) are, in random order:
1) Yes: Masculine symmetrical faces. Looking like they’ve taken a beating or been to prison a plus. Big noses acceptable (only if they are sharp)
No: Feminine, pretty, round faces. Round plump noses completely intolerable
2) Yes: To overall muscleness / strength / brawn
No: To anyone the same size or smaller than me
3) Yes: General blondeness, fairness, more blondeness. I read somewhere that naturally blonde people are likely to become extinct in the next few hundred years because of mixing with dark haired people. If I were a dark haired woman I would leave blonde men alone, to avid mixing my disgusting gene pool with theirs. Not that I’m gay I don’t mind, because it’s not like we’re going to have children anyway
No: Anyone with even darker hair than mine
4) Yes: I’ve mentioned this before, but…immense paleness
5) Yes: Vacant, empty, dead eyes. Not vacant, empty, dead eyes because you’ve got nothing in you, but vacant, empty, dead, eyes because something happened to you, sometime somewhere and it killed them.
No: Expressive, joyful eyes. Looking at somebody and being able to guess anything about their emotions, completely unacceptable