Thursday, 21 February 2008

Thursday 21/02/08

On Tuesday I go to the gym where I’m doing back and abs and whilst I’m doing back I’m trying this new exercise that Jack showed me back when I wasted £40 on him, and during this exercise I lean against a bench and a do an upright row using a cable in front of me.  And because this is a crap description, here’s also a crap drawing I just made for people to understand better.

So then I finish doing this and I move on to do ab crunches on a Swiss ball and as I’m doing that I can see with the corner of my eye some old gay guy watching me and this old gay guy is quite old (60+?) and very gay and he has cheap blonde hair, hairless leathery skin, a tiny vest and even tinier shorts.  And of course I don’t acknowledge that he’s watching me, I just continue with what I’m doing. 

When I finish, I stand up and I know that he’s going to talk to me, so I avoid walking past him and I take a different way to the water fountain.  This is when I feel him pushing the Swiss ball he was also using against my back to get my attention, so I turn around and take my headphones off.  I’m listening to Fell In Love With A Girl by The White Stripes.  I can’t be sure what the look on my face is, but I’m going for blank, disinterested, but not unwelcoming: I have no reason to be rude. 

So he starts talking and his question to me is this: Are you a kayak peddler?  I say: A what?  He says: A kayak peddler.  I say no.  He says: I’m asking because this was the most perfect movement I have seen in my life.  And I’m a kayak instructor.  I say: Oh cool, thanks.  There are no follow-up questions, so I think we’re done and I walk away. 

Incidentally, I still don't know why a kayak peddler would have spectacular movement in that exercise.

Ten minutes later, in the showers, some other guy walks up to me (mid-30s, black, moustache) and says: You know that exercise you were doing before on the cable?  Was that for your back?  I say yes.  He asks me which part of the back, I show him, I shower. 

So basically, in the hit parade of my most talked about exercises, this back one is the new Number 1.  I don’t have any others for the Top 10 yet, but it’s a start.  Maybe I should bring a bench and a cable cross-over machine with me to do this in job interviews, first dates, anywhere I want to impress somebody anyway. 

On Wednesday at 1500, Scott gets a tattoo.  And Scott’s tattoo is a big black block of ink on his right forearm, which you can see here:


By Wednesday evening it’s a big slimy bleeding mess of a forearm and even though the initial reaction of friends and acquaintances about that design itself is slightly muted, I’ll stick my neck out and say I like it.  It has straight lines…it has corners…it’s solid, what’s not to like?  At least it’s not a fucking “tribal” design or a “Maori” design or something written in Chinese writing or in Hindu or with calligraphic fonts or gothic fonts.  If had done anything like that (which he wouldn’t), I’d have cut his bloody arm off.

36 comments:

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

Genius tattoo - so Mark Rothko - complete genius.

And the bleeding bit *was* the performance-art piece... the colours were *absolute Rothko*

Seriously: it was a performance art momment.

Just beware collectors wanting to harvest and frame the skin!

S said...

I like the tattoo. The 1/2 cuff reminds me of wonder woman's costume for some reason. Is Scott is going to buy an invisible jet too?

London Preppy said...

red exile: Cool. I will pass on the Rothko comment!

s: I might not pass on the Wonder Woman one though :-)

Bolt Upright said...

I am SO using the kayak conversation opener. Without the unnecessary Swiss ball violence and the delivery from a leathery 60-year-old, it's got to work!

Still no hints to what's happening tomorrow that needs Valium beforehand? If it's something to do with perforating/ink littering/cutting bits off, I want to be forewarned. I might need to have a lie down or a Valium myself.

London Preppy said...

bolt: Well remembered ha ha. There IS something happening that requires Valium. Well, I'll post story tomorrow...

Daver said...

I agree that I like the tattoo a lot, but at the same time how is it that different from a maori design or a tribal design? It's line art in a way, just more solid.

London Preppy said...

daver: My problem with tribal or Maori designs is that everyone has one and they are a terrible cliche. Does a tribal design mean that much to everyone or does everyone appreciate Maori culture? That's my main issue

fuzzy logic said...

How do you peddle a kayak? Surely you use your arms. Oh wait, he wasn't trying to talk about kayaks.

davey z. li said...

i totally agree with you about the chinese calligraphy tattoos: they're just so bloody cliche. though sometimes it's quite funny, as i'm chinese, when people (such as some of my friends) have gotten chinese tattoos that don't say say what the tattooist said it would.

London Preppy said...

fuzzy: I don't know fuzzy. I just don't know. I don't know what I was supposed to reply either

davey: Really? Cool! Can you think of any funny ones you've seen?

davey z. li said...

oh, i've got a good one. I remember this jerk i knew in high school got a tattoo and started showing it off to his mates and it looked somewhat like this: 我喜欢鸡汤. he said it meant 'the phoenix is reborn', whereas it actually means 'i like chicken soup'. aside from that, another guy i knew got this exceptionally (like, you had to see it, to believe it) tacky tattoo of lion rendered in some sort of a chinese-like style, and it covered his entire back. yuck.

London Preppy said...

davey: Ha ha. The chicken soup is brilliant. You would have thought he's have THOROUGHLY checked beforehand?!

davey z. li said...

yeah, you're definitely right preppy. though, with his intellect i wouldn't have been surprised if he got the tattoo done at some seedy alley way store with a slanted sign saying 'tato0Z 4 $2.50'.

Mike said...

Hey Paul Jennings lover,
Scotts tattoo rocks!
M

London Preppy said...

mike: Paul Jennings?

davey z. li said...

haha, it's been yonks since i've heard someone mention paul jennings. he's an australian author preppy, mainly works on science fiction children's books.

Greg Turner said...

An ex once got an actual bar code, ISBN and all, tattooed on the back of his neck. Both creepy and a little sexy.

London Preppy said...

greg: That did cross my mind at some point. I like it

Daver said...

Definitely good reasoning. Here in Canada all these people get aboriginal designs of animals and although they look awesome I think it's inappropriate as none of them appreciate or care or know anything about their culture.

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

Speaking of misspelt tattoos, the one beckham has actually reads VHIKTORIA and not Victoria. And he was the one who started this whole ethnic tattoo "trend".
One of my friend's ex ended up with a hindi tattoo that he thought stood for love and peace but it actually meant wanker!!

semistraight said...

Your secrecy about the "valium event" successfully circumvents any plans for either talking you out of or cheering you on about whatever it is that you will be doing this friday ;-(.

David said...

@Greg

Met a guy in Glasgow who had the barcode to the album "A Secret Wish" by Propaganda tattooed on his back. Kinda cool but also kinda freaky.

London Preppy said...

rambunctious: Oh I think I've made my opinion on Beckham known here: http://londonpreppy.blogspot.com/2007/12/saturday-221207.html

semistraight: That's the plan!

r!ch said...

Exactly what I was thinking! Very Mark Rothko! I LOVE IT! Please tell me you took photos of it while bleeding and slimy!??
I'm no sadist, just love Rothko...and the tattoo. Where'd he get the idea from?

London Preppy said...

r!ch: I wasn't there when he had it done (with all the blood). I would have taken pictures though. I don't know how he came up with it. I don't think a long thinking process took place!

r!ch said...

We hope it wasn't a long thinking process cos that's what Rothko did! :(

Oh I was wondering; why valium and not just sleeping pills?

Graham said...

I like Scotts tattoo, very cool. A friend of mine has lots of solid, blocky work on his arms and it really does look great. I mean, it's not a literary tattoo, but it's the next best thing.

Marcus said...

Wow. Scott's new tattoo is very sexy. Reminds me of a piece of Roman Gladiator armor.

You might think about running a reader hottest tattoo contest to give everyone a chance to show off what they've got.

kim said...

off topic slightly, but something maybe worthy of a stocking-filler for LP next christmas ...

http://www.collectoybles.com.au/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=277&products_id=2268

Mike said...

congrats on 300,000+

London Preppy said...

r!ch: Well, I don't want to fall asleep, I just want to not stress

graham: Cool, I hope Scott is reading these comments

marcus: That's a good idea apart from we all saw what happened in the last reader competition! About 2 real entries and about 34 fake ones!

kim: Amazing! What the hell is the sound though?!

mike: Thanks, I was watching it too :-)

kim said...

the reader tattoo contest should be who can/is willing to get ink done in honour of LP ... that'll sort out the men from the boys.

george said...

that must have been painful.....shading is not fun. have you mentioned scott and him wanting a tatt b4? very sudden......forget the barcode tatt. a fad that has been going on for awhile. looks really bad when the tattoo artist does not have steady hands. not sure about scotts tatt but the arm it's tattooed on is nice.......george

London Preppy said...

kim: I fucking love that. I will write about it and use your quote

george: He'd been thinking about it for ages but he didn't know what he wanted

Auctor Ignotus said...

A peddler is one who paddles either a kayak or canoe. I own one of each, don't use the term but it appeared in one of the user manuals and I remember thinking it was a weird bit of terminology.

Just sayin' ok?

Joe in the OC said...

A few more tatts like that one and he'll look like a Superhero naked. No costume needed. Cool! Sounds hot! Yes, I realize I sound like a geeky nerdy kid. He's just kicking at my insides right now, he wants out.