Monday, 25 February 2008

Monday 25/02/08

On Saturday I have to spend all the day on my own, because Scott is out of London having gone to a wedding, Donnell is out of the country having gone to Sydney Mardi Gras and er…that’s all my gay contacts I can hang out with in the daytime really. So as I make my way around London wearing the iPod and having no one to pretend I don’t want to talk to, I consider the option that I should make some more real gay friends.

Then I go to the gym on my own and I choose to go to the gym in Covent Garden (where I haven’t been for more than a year) and the less said about this gym session the better. Not that I won’t say things if it’s necessary at some point though.

After leaving the gym I walk around Soho on my own for a bit and this is what’s going through my head:

today I want to be this guy, let’s call me W, and I live in London and I go out a lot and meet people that I don’t care about and they don’t care about me and hang out with them…and I take lots of drugs and drink lots of alcohol, for no particular reason really, I just need to maintain a buzz to get me through the day. Yes I have slept with people for money, not because I needed it, but because I wanted the experience, nothing really matters to me anyway, nothing has any significance. I don’t know if I’m unhappy, I can’t quite tell what my feelings are, so I’m not down on myself or anything. And sure, there was a time when I wasn’t like this, when I wasn’t destroyed, and maybe I was happier then, but I don’t ponder – the past doesn’t concern me and neither does the future. So one Monday morning, at 6am after having spent the night in some bars in a club at a party somewhere – I don’t remember / I don’t want to remember – I find myself at a phone box on Charing Cross Road. Somebody walks past me and shouts my name, somebody I don’t recognize, I don’t acknowledge this, I look down while I’m dialing L’s number – L being the last person I knew cared about me, despite all the things that I am and all the things that I do. I’m pretty sure that L loved me and I told him I loved him to, but I never meant it and we both knew that. So L picks up the phone and I tell him that I’m tired of all this, I want to come see him, I want to get out of here, it’s over, I don’t want to be a story anymore. And I ask if he can see us living together again, not in London of course, we can even leave the country together, I know that this is what I really want, and things will be different this time. I’m selling this dream to L, even though he’s been there before when I changed my mind, but this time I mean it, I honestly won’t go back. After we hang up, I walk back home where I lie in bed, awake for the rest of the morning, I’m too tired to sleep, for a while anyway. Later in the evening, I forget this conversation with L ever happened, I don’t want to think about it, I’m not ready to give things up just yet, I screen six of his calls in the next couple of days, until he doesn’t call again.

But I’m not W and there is no L of course, so on Saturday afternoon I go back home and watch TV for seven or eight hours and then I go to bed.

When I wake up I’ve received a text from Donnell, who’s in Sydney of course and Donnell says:

“So I’m here, at the Harbour Party, weather is amazing and it’s beautiful. Wish you were here it’s not the same being pretentious on my own. Have already been asked by a random where my Greek friend is. I will keep you informed…oh this is my Oz number”.

With a quick translation, this text tells us:

“So I’m here, at the Harbour Party, weather is amazing and it’s beautiful (
translation: I’ve __ 4 __ and 2 __ that some random Brazilian passed to me, I’m completely off my face and everything seems lovely. Also, I love you, I love you all). Wish you were here it’s not the same being pretentious on my own. (translation: I know you’re my best friend but, boy, you come across as a conceited muscle mary when we go out. Strangely, I do appreciate that) Have already been asked by a random where my Greek friend is (translation: well done, your reputation as a trashy scene queen precedes you 10,562 miles away from home). I will keep you informed…oh this is my Oz number”.

We miss Donnell. Extra points to anyone going to Mardi Gras who recognizes him and walks up to him and mentions London Preppy or calls him Donnell.

Here are pictures of Donnell later tonight to assist the search.






I have not bothered with many clothed ones, I'm guessing he won't be wearing a shirt much.  Oh I bet he's wearing that belt though, look out for the belt.

26 comments:

all_low4@hotmail.co.uk said...

do you know whats happened to the blog "Diary Of A First Time Juicer "?

has it been stopped or removed?

Moscow said...

sometimes I wonder if you know the difference between your reality and your fiction.

I think you write beautifully but it is pretty clear that things are not all good.

"God give me the courage to change the things I can change,

Courage to accept the things I cannot change

And wisdom to know the difference".

NGM said...

looking forward to the challange of finding Donnel, should not be too hard, there is only 18500 homo's wandering around all thinking or at least trying to act like they are better than the other 18499.
it will be like a gay where's wally - is there a prize?

bi-polar said...

Are you okay? You seem a little sad

Loneliness is good sometimes

Gabriel said...

please post pics of donnell. he'll be greatly surprised by your following in sydney!

London Preppy said...

all_low4: I don't know actually. I know the guy was too busy to write recently, but I don't know why it's not on anymore

moscow: No, things are not all good, it's true. But they're not too bad either

ngm: Gay where's wally. Ha ha!

bi-polar: No, honestly, I'm fine :-) We all get sad moment, I tend to write through them

gabriel: Pictures imminent

Bolt Upright said...

Why is Donnell's right arm on backwards in that first photo?

London Preppy said...

bolt: His limbs are detachable. Obviously I fucked it up when I was assembling him that day

Should Know Better said...

Hi All_low and LP,

A quick update, I was really busy and just didn't get the time to update and then due to circumstances I won't go into I have had to pull the plug on the blog. Anyway, LP I'll keep you updated on how I'm getting on through email and you can either let your readers know if you like.

All best,

SKB x

davey z. li said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
davey z. li said...

ngm's right, finding donnel at the mardi gras is going to be a challenge. similar to finding a particular rainbow fish in a bay full of thousands of other rainbow fish. and detachable limbs are great, when your arm gets dirty you can always pull it out and chuck it in the dishwasher for a clean.

London Preppy said...

should know better: Cool, well it's shame you had to end the blog, but yeah, if you keep me up to date, I'll pass on the news!

davey: Yeah, I know it's a task and a half. But you know, if somebody does find him it will be cool

kim said...

I don’t want to be a story anymore

'W' is my new crush (for the week anyway).

London Preppy said...

kim: :-) I like it when people pick out my favourite lines from something I've written

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

'W" was fiction? Really? I swear I once made the tragic eror of hiring him - Monday mornings were never *him* as I recall...

...And what's with the sudden popularity of your blog in Russia?!? After all, "there is no sex in the Soviet Union" as once was memorably said.

Ah yes: this is why *we're* reading your blog... (LIO)

Graham said...

This W sounds like catch. What does he look like? ;-)

r!ch said...

I'm in shock. That story about W is exactly what's been going through my head all day!

Maybe our periods are synchronizing...?

Tom Cat from Bondi Beach said...

Gee I wish I had done psychology instead of engineering ! I have no idea what is going on in that Anglo-Greek head but hey I wish you all the best from me in Sydney :)

and my eyes are peeled for Donnel.

DanNaked said...

Looks like Sydney is ready to welcome you with open...or welcome your open...or something.

London Preppy said...

red exile: God, that W must get around a lot!

graham: Naturally, he's very good looking, whatever that may mean to different people

r!ch: Cool, so everyone knows W then. At least it's not just my imagination, I'm feeling a lot better

tom cat: That would have been very helpful indeed, I'd also like to know what goes on in my head please

dannaked: We'll see eh?

r!ch said...

I guess everyone know W because everyone reading this blog is gay and everyone gay is complicated. Maybe it's our common star sign, or our love for getting bored often...

Trevor said...

Does Scott not take you to weddings? (or is it just not your thing?)
I'm also wondering when there will be Donnell and Scott spinoff blogs...

Moscow said...

In reply to commnets on your blog:

It is not only gay people who get bored, straight people do too.

Actually I think everyone is damaged a bit, it just has different ways of manifesting itself.

I love Moscow- the madness of how it was is how I best remember it and of course club 13, little people (nuhns) servicing the cliental's needs in eighteenth century costumes:)

Moscow said...

In reply to commnets on your blog:

It is not only gay people who get bored, straight people do too.

Actually I think everyone is damaged a bit, it just manifests itslef in different ways

I love Moscow- the madness of how it was is how I best remember it and of course club 13, little people (nuhns) servicing the clientals' needs in eighteenth century costumes:)

Mike said...

“I don’t want to think about it”

Personally, if I didn’t try not to think about “it”, I’d have so many more regrets.

There’s a beauty in not thinking.

London Preppy said...

trevor: Yes, he does take me to family events. I just don't fancy them much

mike: I agree, I'd love to think about 89% less than I do