Thursday and Friday are much more enjoyable than previous days of the holiday, because now that I have dropped out of skiing school I don’t have to stress the night before about it and also I don’t have to stress about being on the slopes at 0930 in the morning sharp like I’m at work or something, not to mention that I don’t have to stress about what I eat because I have given up on my diet completely and I can stuff my face with anything I want. And this includes breads, cheeses, cakes, chocolates, potatoes, anything.
So on Thursday night after dinner Matty and Nicole and John A and Emma! and John B and Emma and I all sit down in front of the fireplace to play board games and the board game we have decided to play that evening is called Who’s In The Bag.
In this game you get cards with names of well-known persons on them and you have to describe the well-known person to the rest of the team until they guess who it is – within a set time – without saying the actual name of course. And these famous persons are very random and they can include anyone from Faye Dunaway and Sherlock Holmes to King Arthur and Puccini.
I am the best person in this game quite obviously because I’m obsessed with people, but the rest of my team is dragging me down because they have not heard of anyone ever. So when I use blatant descriptions such as “the most famous surrealist painter you can think of” for Salvador Dali or “the bassist of the Sex Pistols who overdosed” for Sid Vicious, nobody knows what I’m talking about.
The most idiotic descriptions come from Matty, who compensates for a complete lack of knowledge of anyone, by describing their actual names instead. So for George Harrison, he doesn’t just say “one of the Beatles” (which would take us a maximum of 3 seconds to name), but he breaks down every syllable of the name trying to make us guess. For example, “the first part of the surname of this person rhymes with Carrie” or something.
Regardless, the highpoint of this game comes for me when Matty tries to describe Albert Camus and when I finally identify him after 3 minutes of absurd word association and random rhyming clues, nobody else has ever heard of him.
On Friday night we have dinner and then we play the same game, but the most important thing that happens is that we are given a satisfaction questionnaire to fill in about our holiday. I love filling in questionnaires, particularly those involving evaluating the service I have received somewhere, because I get the opportunity to write in views and judgments of people, and also analyse them, more or less like I do here.
But before I get into what I wrote, let me talk briefly about the members of staff we have at the chalet. Incidentally all the staff are English.
1) The holiday rep. This is a guy called Andy B and Andy B is there to answer any questions we may have, to help us do things we want and also to sell us stuff that we don’t want. Andy B is a bit geeky and after 29 years of living in Birmigham and not managing to lose his virginity or be taken seriously by anyone apart from his Mum he took this job because he thought he could go abroad and reinvent himself as a cool guy with an active, go-getter attitude, but unfortunately he’s still a dweeb with trousers that hardly reach his ankles
2) The “hosties”. This is a group of about eight to ten 20-year-old kids who thought they’d take a year out after University, move to a ski resort and get a comedy job in a chalet, where they spend their days serving breakfast, snowboarding, sleeping with each other in an incestuous manner, dropping trays in the kitchen, putting snarly faces and spitting in the guests’ coffee
Our favourite of these “hosties” is a boy called Josh, who has mustered and impeccable manner of utter incompetence and absolute boredom. Plus he’s ginger and we love him (I do anyway)
So on this satisfaction questionnaire, we rate everything “Good” and then I complete the comments sections with the following:
On the holiday rep…
“I liked Andy best in his jogging outfit in the mornings”
On the chalet hosties…
“Josh the hostie made the holiday for me. His effortless bored cool will remain unforgettable. A personal highlight was his unbuttoned shirt at the top, even though I would have preferred another button missing”
On the overall service…
“Nice on guys!”
“I loved the quiz night. It was one of the best quiz night I’ve been to and I’ve been to A LOT”
On ski school…
“I found ski school quite challenging. Mind you, this is not a reflection on your guys. I’m just not very good at sport”
“I liked this holiday very much. It was nice being put at the same dinner table as other holidaymakers and socializing with them. I was a bit hesitant to start with, but it does take me a couple of days to come out of my shell. I have no recommendations apart from that Josh should not get any time off and be present at all meals. Oh yeah and he looked really nice in his snowboarding outfit. I saw him one morning on my way to the internet café”