Skiing day three: On Monday morning at 0930 I have my first skiing lesson. The skiing instructor is French and old and unattractive, which I suppose I’m OK with, as I can’t think of anything worse than having a hot instructor and being in a position of complete inferiority and vulnerability like I am on my first ever skiing lesson.
There are three of us in the class, the other two being two girls, one of whom is staying at my hotel and upon introducing herself she gives me enough information about me and Matty and Nicole to make me think that she’s been stalking us. I think I am the equivalent of her John A on this holiday, i.e. somebody she has taken to obsessing with to make the week go faster. In fact, I’m under the impression that she’s flirting with me (obviously oblivious to The Gay) until she mentions her boyfriend.
Anyway, the lesson goes as badly as I would expect really, I am incapable of following instructions, I can’t do what I’m expected, I think I’m beyond learning. Both the girls seem to comprehend the technical nuances, while I appear immune to learning. Maybe my brain is already full at the age of 28, maybe I just don’t care. Regardless, when we hit a fast, long slope where I don’t have to follow stupid technical instructions I step on it and I’m faster than everyone. So yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing, but at least I’m doing it fast.
Later in the day, after dinner, Matty and Nicole and I rope in John A and Emma! and John B and Emma into playing games with us. Sadly these are just board games, but in any case I get an extended evening in John A’s presence, even though he spends significant part of this whispering to his fiancée and asking her whether it’s time to go to bed yet.
My interaction with these people has moved on to stage two in a very predictable and easily identified pattern that always occurs when I make new acquaintances. More specifically the stages are:
Stage 1: I meet someone new. I do not talk to them for the first 3-4 times that I see them. They think I’m retarded or a deaf mute. I am just busy collecting information and making judgments on them in my head. They take this for shyness.
Stage 2: I become more comfortable with my new acquaintances. I start making too frank comments, inappropriate quips and personal revelations that nobody wants to hear about. I also ask questions that people wouldn’t ask their best friends without some hesitation.
Stage 3: At this point my new acquaintances are split into two groups.
Group A are not interested in knowing me anymore. I am just too weird, maybe too rude, too dangerous. What will come out of my mouth next? Who the fuck knows. They much preferred it when I was fucking quiet thank you very much. These people do not keep in touch with me.
Group B are realizing they kinda like me. Yes I may be slightly odd, but they find this interesting, possibly entertaining. Some of the people from Group B, eventually become my friends.
So yeah, on this Monday evening playing board games in the chalet lounge in font of a fireplace that is not lit, I ask people if they want to play Strip Truth or Dare (a new game invention), let it out that I ate a piece of chocolate cake during afternoon tea but then spat it out, reveal that the