On Wednesday lunchtime I go to Boots and I buy some herbal sleeping pills, because I seriously can’t remember the last time that I had a good night’s sleep without the assistance of Valium or Zimovane, so I’m thinking maybe I’ll try to get addicted to these instead, which appear more harmless. Of course I don’t expect them to work (nothing you don’t have to break the law to acquire does) but they might have a placebo effect which will knock me out for an hour or so.
It doesn’t take long to test them as Wednesday night appears to be another sleepless one, so at 0045 I take four of these new pills, which leave a pleasant / unpleasant grassy aftertaste. Then at 0145 I turn the light back on, take a Zimovane, start reading The Complete Short Stories by Franz Kafka, give it 10 minutes, turn the light back off, sleep for 5 ½ hours, wake up, go to work.
And January has been a very disturbed month in terms of sleeping, but I’ve had quite a few obsessions in my head, more so than usual. And looking back these obsessions have included:
I must get plastic surgery / Why don’t I move to Australia / This guy that I know is on the cover of ___ - when was the last time I was on the cover of anything? Cue panic / Why hasn’t ___ poked me back on facebook, what’s wrong with me? / What should my next tattoo be / Do I take enough ___ / I don’t take enough ___
And this is when I start to wonder: how normal is this behaviour.
Do people obsess about minor (and major) things like that an a day-to-day basis, do they fantasise and make up stories about other people’s lives (because I do), is anyone kept awake night after night because they saw me in a magazine or because I didn’t reply to their message on facebook (because I am), does anyone who doesn’t know me but has seen my picture online talk to their friends about me and plan out our future together (because I do that too), are people painfully concerned with all the cosmetic procedures they should have (because I am)? Or should I just take another Valium and get these thoughts out of my mind.
Either way today’s obsession is that I want four new tattoos and these tattoos – which will written in the same font and font size as my current one – are:
1) One of my middle names (five letters), tattooed at the top of my left calf
2) The phrase THE KILLING OF A FLASHBOY, tattooed across the top of my back
3) The 8-letter word that Brett Anderson shouts on the 2 minute and 4 second mark in the Suede song Starcrazy and then again on the 2 minute and 9 second mark, tattooed on the left side of my hips where my obliques are
4) The two words (10 letters + 6 letters) that Morrissey sings on the 29 second mark in the Smiths song How Soon Is Now? tattooed on the inside of my right bicep symmetrically opposite my existing tattoo
I won’t say what my middle name is, but please feel free to investigate what the words I refer to in points 3 and 4 are. If nobody can be bothered to look it up and comment I will tell you tomorrow.
Maybe I’ll get somebody to write these things on me with a marker pen so I can see what they’d look like.