Thursday, 24 January 2008

Thursday 24/01/08

On Wednesday lunchtime I go to Boots and I buy some herbal sleeping pills, because I seriously can’t remember the last time that I had a good night’s sleep without the assistance of Valium or Zimovane, so I’m thinking maybe I’ll try to get addicted to these instead, which appear more harmless.  Of course I don’t expect them to work (nothing you don’t have to break the law to acquire does) but they might have a placebo effect which will knock me out for an hour or so. 

It doesn’t take long to test them as Wednesday night appears to be another sleepless one, so at 0045 I take four of these new pills, which leave a pleasant / unpleasant grassy aftertaste.  Then at 0145 I turn the light back on, take a Zimovane, start reading The Complete Short Stories by Franz Kafka, give it 10 minutes, turn the light back off, sleep for 5 ½ hours, wake up, go to work. 

And January has been a very disturbed month in terms of sleeping, but I’ve had quite a few obsessions in my head, more so than usual.  And looking back these obsessions have included: 

I must get plastic surgery / Why don’t I move to Australia / This guy that I know is on the cover of ___ - when was the last time I was on the cover of anything? Cue panic / Why hasn’t ___ poked me back on facebook, what’s wrong with me? / What should my next tattoo be / Do I take enough ___ / I don’t take enough ___ 

And this is when I start to wonder: how normal is this behaviour.  

Do people obsess about minor (and major) things like that an a day-to-day basis, do they fantasise and make up stories about other people’s lives (because I do), is anyone kept awake night after night because they saw me in a magazine or because I didn’t reply to their message on facebook (because I am), does anyone who doesn’t know me but has seen my picture online talk to their friends about me and plan out our future together (because I do that too), are people painfully concerned with all the cosmetic procedures they should have (because I am)?  Or should I just take another Valium and get these thoughts out of my mind. 

Either way today’s obsession is that I want four new tattoos and these tattoos – which will written in the same font and font size as my current one – are: 

1) One of my middle names (five letters), tattooed at the top of my left calf

2) The phrase THE KILLING OF A FLASHBOY, tattooed across the top of my back

3) The 8-letter word that Brett Anderson shouts on the 2 minute and 4 second mark in the Suede song Starcrazy and then again on the 2 minute and 9 second mark, tattooed on the left side of my hips where my obliques are

4) The two words (10 letters + 6 letters) that Morrissey sings on the 29 second mark in the Smiths song How Soon Is Now? tattooed on the inside of my right bicep symmetrically opposite my existing tattoo

I won’t say what my middle name is, but please feel free to investigate what the words I refer to in points 3 and 4 are.  If nobody can be bothered to look it up and comment I will tell you tomorrow. 

Maybe I’ll get somebody to write these things on me with a marker pen so I can see what they’d look like.

24 comments:

imdanyl said...

I know that one is 'criminally vulgar,' but I don't know what the other is since I'm not at all familiar with that song.

Brian said...

I have a friend who I talk about you with - his name is Matt - and he talks about meeting you, and spending the rest of his life in your beautiful arms. I am jealous of his fantasy.

London Preppy said...

imdanyl: Well done, so the Smiths one took all of 5 minutes to find out!

brian: Cool, at least I'm not alone in the fantasising about strangers world

Jeff said...

I think you might need a vacation. Go somewhere by yourself to a place that isn't glamorous and you won't have a chance to take off your shirt. Spend a week not working out and eating what you want. I'm not suggesting you become some disgusting slob from now on, just for a few days.

London Preppy said...

jeff: Well we'll try this soon as I'm going on holiday this weekend...

Red Exile / Красная Ссылка said...

The Brett Easton Ellis tattoo is terminally cool - even though I would never, ever have 'ink done' personally - not only because BEE deserves to be lauded for his great line "People are afraid to merge".

And I think it interesting you wanted a matching tat on the other ...er... arm (I am not good on muscle groups like you muscle boys) - people seem to be psychologically driven visually to prefer symmetry to assymetry.

But "killing of a flashboy"? Love the line though I do, what will the sentiment - or inuendo - be when you pass thirty?

IMHO I would aim for timeless cool if I were you, if I may say so.

S said...

I fantasize about you and me leaving our boyfriends and running off to iceland together (or Sydney... depends on the day). Unfortunately the stocking cannot begin, because I am across the pond and rarely get to London. I would shy away from the back tattoo... it would reduce your preppy look and that would be tragic.

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

Last night I saw this hot guy on the train and I planned our future together. But I went too far with it and planned our breakup. And I got really upset about how he treated me. And then I was too depressed to do anything last night when I got home. And the bad feeling still hasn’t gone away.

So you should probably just take another Valium. But could you send some to me? Thanks.

London Preppy said...

red exile: That's an excellent point about growing older with "flashboy" permanently inked on me.

Right now in my head it would symbolise the end of an era when I first came out and literally all that mattered to me was being conspicuous. But that may not be a message that applies in the long term

s: I wish my current boyfriend would want to run away to Iceland! What a great sentiment, thanks

London Preppy said...

frontier: I can very honestly say I think of stories like that about people I don't know all the time

Christopher said...

Today I speculated that the 50-year-old raging homo down the end of the office owes his distinctive gate due to some extremely distasteful proclivities. I also realised the guy next to him is not at all attractive, and think his strut must be on account of a back problem, and that I should wear my contacts more often. Additionally, the extremely kindly office grandmother figure may in fact be a raging alcoholic. I smelt Gin and she was hyper.

I tend to speculate because I nearly always have to be the one that breaks the ice, I’m quite affable, but like all of my family, my natural expression is apparently a superior, disdainful “I’m looking through you” one.

kim said...

wouldn't turning 30 BE the killing of a flashboy?

London Preppy said...

kim: Definitely :-) I should hold off

jackass said...

I think it's normal to have fantasies. In fact, just today I have been involved in more relationships and affairs than I care to count mostly with strangers and quite a few times with David Gandy.

As for the tatoos: Well, if you are feeling very adventurous, why don't you get all the tatoos done? that way you shall never regret not having chosen the right one. Hope you have a great holiday, and if you are having sleeping problems, may I recommend you pick up a law book and start reading. Will send you to sleep within 3 minutes.

London Preppy said...

jackass: That was my original thought. Go and have them all done. But I might restrain myself to having one done pper week, so that the thrills last a bit longer

W said...

Why dont you have 'GAD' and 'OCD' tattooed. One on each buttock. It seems by your description you have them both.

as for the sleep pills. no more than 3 or 4 on the trot before having a weeks break for them to continue to be effective. i trust they are prescription because if you bought them on the 'street' 80% likelihood your eating talcum powder

halex said...

"people love themselves if they see a loving image of themselves reflected in the eyes of someone they really care about"...until then...

London Preppy said...

w: Prescription...

halex: Aman re Aleksandre. Katathlipsi tha mas piasei :-)

T said...

The Suede reference is 'Violence'

the one in your dreams said...

i sleep fine. of course maybe i wouldnt if i thought about stuff as much as you, but if i worried what every bitch in this city thought about me, i'd never leave my house.

also, just to let you know--yes i do talk about you to other friends and insist they must read post x for themselves. and because of that, i even added you to the sidebar of my blog.

willkommen.

Superdrewby said...

As a Sydney sider and as a Sydney Gay Clubber I can tell you the clubc in London are so much better!

But the lifestyle in Sydney is better than London (having lived there too)

You have an addiction to sleeping tablets / anti-axiety medication probably both psychological and chemical. I have the same issue with sleep and taking things to help me sleep. If I don't take something I will start paniccing because I can't stop thinking about everything I want to do / see/ etc.

*sigh* if you find a good over counter sleeping tablet tell me! I sometimes use Restavit or Fenergan but they both leave me feeling doped up the next day and sluggish

London Preppy said...

t: Correct, thanks for finding out

the one: ...danke...

drewby: A Girl speaks of an over the counter that apparently works. I'll have to investigate

kim said...

currently more people have voted for you to remain in london than move to Oz; this tells me your mum reads your blog and get s all her buddies to vote on your polls.

i can only imagine the look on your face as you visualise this.

Pip Pirrip said...

Writers are a strange breed, no? We see the world differently than most other people do. Vivid, fanciful daydreams about how things should be or could be. The world is full of beautiful people and beautiful things but we’re relegated to the role of observer, standing on the sidelines watching everybody else live. We’re easily bored but too busy avoiding life to actually be bothered to take part in it. We forever want things that we don’t have and perfection seems perpetually just out of reach. Sleeplessness is inevitable because there’s just too much to think about.

I do Melatonin. According to the unregulated description on the bottle it’s all natural and completely harmless. It takes about an hour to kick in but seems to work when it does.