Monday, 14 January 2008

Monday 14/01/08

So I don’t know if it’s because it’s January – and everyone pretends to be a bit depressed in January – but these few days are not happening at all for me.  On Sunday evening I have reverted back to the state where I’m willing to take my chances on being homeless, living on the street and sleeping in the underground passage at Tottenham Court Road station, rather than face another tedious working week in the office. 

Then on Monday morning it’s raining of course, the tubes are so busy that I have to wait for the third train before I get on, and the lifts at work are broken so I have to climb stairs all the way up to the 8th floor.  But I don’t like to moan about things like that actually, because I know for a fact that I don’t have an issue with any of these individually.  They are all building up to something which crushes me on its own, and that something is full-time, office-based, number-crunching, client-dealing employment.    

If I didn’t have to work, say, and it was just raining or the tubes were packed or the lifts were broken, I wouldn’t mind at all.  In fact, I would rejoice in such adversities, temporarily getting in my way, delaying me from whatever non-urgent activities I had chosen to undertake that day. 

Instead, and because I do have to work, I spend Monday morning (and some of the afternoon) drifting off and fantasizing about more realistic – but still ridiculous – activities that I could take on to break up my miserable life, but the only activity that I can think of is that I need to get another tattoo.  And this tattoo would be on my right arm, symmetrical to my current one on the left arm, and in the same size and typeface it would read LESS THAN ZERO.  I am now about 18% convinced that I’m going to get that, but the fact that I’ve written it on here first and shared it with a few thousand people makes me think that I won’t.  Because as we all know I get my best ideas on the spur of the moment, don’t think them through, go ahead with them and face the consequences later. 

And when I got the Bret Easton Ellis tattoo, it was like a lightning in my head, I suddenly thought it and there was absolutely no way that I couldn’t have it.  This Less Than Zero ones seems a bit forced.  No, that’s it, I don’t want it anymore.  It’s a little much, a little too forward, a little too specific and not nearly as crazy as having somebody’s name randomly on your arm. 

Another thing that is happening though, is that I’m going skiing.  And I’m not gonna say when it is or where, but it’s at the end of January and it’s in Serre Chevalier.  So I’m going there as the third wheel with Matty and his girlfriend Nicole and I’ve never been skiing before, but it definitely fits in with the image that I have in my head for myself, so I have to do it. 

Obviously I have minimal interest in the skiing itself but everything else appeals to me: horribly cold / open fires / endless cups of hot chocolate / burnt face from the sun’s reflection on the snow / interaction with Eurotrash skiing instructors / maybe a murder in the resort / group sex in the chalet.

Which is all good of course, but there is one more important question and this question is does this place have a gym, so I ask Matty this question and Matty sends back a description of the resort, which includes the phrase:

“Fitness centre with sauna, jacuzzi and gym, indoor heated swimming pool”

…so I guess we’re good to go, I can rest assured that there will be a gym there too where I can make the eyes at sexy guys and sexy guys can ignore me just like Hairy Guy, Threesome Guy et al at the gyms in London.

19 comments:

Bolt Upright said...

Eeek! No more tattoos, please, literary or otherwise. And I don't know if you've ever talked about piercing a body part, but don't get any ideas about that either. I still can't wrap my mind around our Toby having a pierced nipple.

London Preppy said...

bolt: Agreed. It was just a fleeting idea born out of boredom...

NGM said...

i wonder how many people that see your tat (at the the gym and such) think your name is Bret Easton Ellis.
i love your tat for that reason alone - maybe i should get something like um, Ben Elton tattooed, or maybe you should get Grasshoper tattooed under your other arem?

Bolt Upright said...

The group sex, however, gets my full endorsement.

London Preppy said...

ngm: People have actually called me that (Bret, not Grasshopper). So yes, I guess a few!

bolt: Cool. I do expect it to be common practice there in the French Alps

Christopher said...

Choose a nicer tube station to be a tramp in.

That part of the capital has been a complete shit-pit from day one.

London Preppy said...

christopher: Isn't it the filthiest station? And perma-tramped

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

I'm all for tattoos, but I think "Less Than Zero" would lessen the impact of the "Bret Easton Ellis."

Christopher said...

You could always live at one of the classier abandoned premises (built before they realised rich people don't take the tube).

At first you could glare silently from the gloom, but after a year or two you could throw verbal abuse at the passing trains, and maybe, given twenty years of isolation (and if you've not 'accidentally' been brutally pinned down and shot by the Met), you might progress to chucking faeces at the commuters rattling by.

On the plus side, its so much cheaper then yet more education to change your career, and you'd have a Mayfair or Belgravia address. Very Preppy.

S said...

You forget one very import plus about delving into the skiing world. It is much easier to get that white glow skin you admire so much. The sexy sweaters and jackets and whatnot cover the skin and create some of the most beautiful skin underneath. Just find a good oil-free sunscreen for your face.

London Preppy said...

frontier: That right, it would definitely take away from the (relative) mystery of BEE. Orville actually had an idea which is to have the original ISPN code of the first American edition of Less Than Zero. Which I suppose would be cryptic as well...

W said...

Am currently watching 'bring it on' a film that made me think of you.

Anyway I'm pleased to see your now refering to it as a tattoo of someones name as opposed to a literary tattoo :)

Bruce said...

I think you should get American Psycho tattooed on the other arm. That would really fuck with peoples minds.

kim said...

better than the ISPN; reproduce the original barcode.

Bobby Vanquish said...

So if you're going skiing you need research.
And I would suggest watching the film "The Other Side Of Aspen" or one of the 9-odd sequels.
It's got hot muscle men, skiing, snow, hot action in the jacuzzi and group sex.
This is presumably all that people do on skiing holidays.
I'm not sure that Blockbuster Video will have a copy of it though.
But it never hurts to ask?!

george said...

why don't you tatt an exact mirror image of "Bret Easton Ellis" on the other arm....or maybe just tattoo a big penis.....george

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

P.S. Have you heard about the movie adaptation of "The Informers" that's currently filming?

London Preppy said...

w: Bring It On and me? How so? Not that I don't like the idea of course

bruce: Well, that's my least favourite BEE book, so maybe not!

kim: I wonder of I coudl scan that...

bobby: Amazingly I came across ("came across") one of those films on "a well known file sharing website" last night!

george: Oh George...

frontier: I have actually - somebody mentioned it on here n the comments section again not so long ago. I'm quite scared of movie adaptations though...

W said...

how so?? its a film about cheerleaders and college boys and girls. you look like you could probably have been the minor gay cheerleading boy.