So I don’t know if it’s because it’s January – and everyone pretends to be a bit depressed in January – but these few days are not happening at all for me. On Sunday evening I have reverted back to the state where I’m willing to take my chances on being homeless, living on the street and sleeping in the underground passage at Tottenham Court Road station, rather than face another tedious working week in the office.
Then on Monday morning it’s raining of course, the tubes are so busy that I have to wait for the third train before I get on, and the lifts at work are broken so I have to climb stairs all the way up to the 8th floor. But I don’t like to moan about things like that actually, because I know for a fact that I don’t have an issue with any of these individually. They are all building up to something which crushes me on its own, and that something is full-time, office-based, number-crunching, client-dealing employment.
If I didn’t have to work, say, and it was just raining or the tubes were packed or the lifts were broken, I wouldn’t mind at all. In fact, I would rejoice in such adversities, temporarily getting in my way, delaying me from whatever non-urgent activities I had chosen to undertake that day.
Instead, and because I do have to work, I spend Monday morning (and some of the afternoon) drifting off and fantasizing about more realistic – but still ridiculous – activities that I could take on to break up my miserable life, but the only activity that I can think of is that I need to get another tattoo. And this tattoo would be on my right arm, symmetrical to my current one on the left arm, and in the same size and typeface it would read LESS THAN ZERO. I am now about 18% convinced that I’m going to get that, but the fact that I’ve written it on here first and shared it with a few thousand people makes me think that I won’t. Because as we all know I get my best ideas on the spur of the moment, don’t think them through, go ahead with them and face the consequences later.
And when I got the Bret Easton Ellis tattoo, it was like a lightning in my head, I suddenly thought it and there was absolutely no way that I couldn’t have it. This Less Than Zero ones seems a bit forced. No, that’s it, I don’t want it anymore. It’s a little much, a little too forward, a little too specific and not nearly as crazy as having somebody’s name randomly on your arm.
Another thing that is happening though, is that I’m going skiing. And I’m not gonna say when it is or where, but it’s at the end of January and it’s in Serre Chevalier. So I’m going there as the third wheel with Matty and his girlfriend Nicole and I’ve never been skiing before, but it definitely fits in with the image that I have in my head for myself, so I have to do it.
Obviously I have minimal interest in the skiing itself but everything else appeals to me: horribly cold / open fires / endless cups of hot chocolate / burnt face from the sun’s reflection on the snow / interaction with Eurotrash skiing instructors / maybe a murder in the resort / group sex in the chalet.
Which is all good of course, but there is one more important question and this question is does this place have a gym, so I ask Matty this question and Matty sends back a description of the resort, which includes the phrase:
“Fitness centre with sauna, jacuzzi and gym, indoor heated swimming pool”
…so I guess we’re good to go, I can rest assured that there will be a gym there too where I can make the eyes at sexy guys and sexy guys can ignore me just like Hairy Guy, Threesome Guy et al at the gyms in London.