Wednesday, 19 December 2007

Wednesday 19/12/07

This Tuesday lunchtime I have to buy new shoes for work.  I’m feeling particularly tight and because I got over the obsession with everything I wear being really expensive about four years ago, I go in Zara and I go in Office and I go in two or three other mid-range-stroke-crappy shops that sell shoes for £50 to £80.  

Unfortunately there is something wrong with all these shoes and I don’t like any of them, and as I’m walking between crappy shops for the fifteenth time trying to convince myself that I like at least one pair, I have the misfortune of going past Hugo Boss.  And in the window of Hugo Boss there is a pair of black brogues (half shiny – half mat, if you believe that) and we lock eyes and I just know that I have to take them home.  A bit like the Hairy Guy from the gym, if we had actually locked eyes with him and he had shown me even half the affection these shoes are.  And here they are:
 
 
So I go in and I look for the shoes and I only see them in brown, so I ask some woman and the woman says that they have sold out and maybe I should try their shop on Regent Street and then she walks off, which is extremely unhelpful, but to be honest I don’t expect anything better, after all she is a woman as we pointed out and she’s probably on her way to have her legs waxed or she’s suffering from pre-menstrual tension or she just wants to gossip about celebrities with her girlfriends whilst stuffing Maltesers in her mouth, or whatever it is that women do.
 
So I leave the shop thinking that I’m strong enough to forget about these shoes, but it turns out I’m not, I need to go back and hand over my £180 and take them home.  So I ring Scott and discuss what my options are and then I go back in the shop armed with new confidence and determined to make their lives hell.
 
Unfortunately the woman that I have a grudge against isn’t there anymore and the unfortunate shoe salesman who has to deal with me is some thin French guy in his early 20s with overly gelled hair and something that aims to be a beard.  So I ask for the shoes and I get the same response and then I ask him to go and check the ones in the window (I have all the answers now) and he instantly says that he thinks they are a size 9 and I tell him to check anyway and he comes back and says they are a size 11 and then I ask him to call up Regent Street and ask whether they have my size, because I’m not going all the way there for nothing. 
 
So he gets on some computer, supposedly to check all the stock in stores around the UK, but in actual fact I suspect he’s surfing Perez Hilton or A Comme des Garcons, because 18 minutes later I haven’t had an answer.  Then his supervisor comes near (an English guy with thinning hair and buck teeth) so I choose this point to tell the French guy that I’ve been in the store for about half an hour and are we getting there yet.  Then the English guy takes over and he’s about 27% more competent than the French guy (which brings his competence level to 29%) and about 10 minutes later he has tracked down a pair of size 8 black brogues in the Manchester store and he orders them for me and tells me they will be here in 2 weeks.  Then I tell him that I can’t wait 2 weeks, I need to have them before Christmas (I don’t know why really, I’m not even gonna wear them before Christmas but I just want to make their lives a bit more difficult) so I’m sorry, I don’t want them after all and then he rings up Manchester again and everyone agrees I will have my shoes on Friday.

29 comments:

the one in your dreams said...

you STOP being obsessive about what you wear being really expensive? so i presume those gucci loafers were more than four years old? in which case i am disgusted you wore something four seasons old :)

and i guess #6

London Preppy said...

the one: Well I still buy the odd expensive thing but I don't really care if I wear H&M shirts at work now. I used to!

Will said...

Hey L-P,

SNAP!

I used to be so obsessive about designer clothes, even to the point that I would only wear Armani socks and designer underwear. Basically the best brand names - Italian / French. Looking back it/I was so silly!

One year + on I guess I grew up saw that it’s how you wear certain clothes that fit your figure and style are more important and of course paying my mortgage on my townhouse became a priority!

Nice shoes though L-P

Will:)

London Preppy said...

will: Ha ha, I used to buy designer socks too, how pointless.

Good point on fitting, nice clothes instead!

fuzzy logic said...

Oh dear god I'm hope you're not #6 - that looks more like a fnu than a willy! (Sorry, you know I wouldn't be able to stop, especially when told to!

devon said...

I was actually too embarred to vote. I think i must have been the only reader not to...
But by simple detective work I would say it is quite easy to say which picture is yours... But I will keep the answer to myself... ;)

(#4)

London Preppy said...

fuzzy: A fnu indeed!

devon: I was actually voting myself. I must have voted for eyes and teeth 2-3 times from different computers

A said...

Definitely #4...Thanks London Preppy for acknowledging our most prurient desires and caving, in your own special kind of way.

NGM said...

Mate,
great thinking re the cock shots, nice way to mix it up a bit, i would have never thought of that but maybe you should not have preached about how hairless you are in the past?
nice christmas pressie to all your readers.

the one in your dreams said...

i dont know why i feel obligated to say WHY i said #6, but its because its the most modest of the lot and a way to get away with showing without really showing.

the end.

London Preppy said...

As I've said I can't comment on this at all, but I'm reading all the guesses; very fun!

Mike said...

Its been 2 months since I read your blog and im glad to say NOTHING has changed.

Superdrewby said...

There is nothing wrong with being obsessive about what you wear!

For Christ sakes it's what we project to the world LOL

and I love the way you gave us the picture without losing your dignity :)

BTW I believe that my campaign to get your picture gained some steam.....

London Preppy said...

mike: Eek. This doesn't sound so good

superdrewby: I have to admit there have been quite a few supporters...I;m sort of deciding to keep it though - I got a feeling I'll regret giving it away or selling it at some point

Trybaby said...

LOL NGM you and me think the same. I think it's quite obvious which "item" is yours.

I didn't even bother to vote because knob was so far in the lead. I would have gone for eyes though. Like a picture of you and no red blocks. Oh well.

I admire how you handled those shop keeps I wish I could just walk in and demand satisfaction. Good on you.

DAMO said...

lol I know it is number 4 and that is it. No boubt whatsoever. I am 10000000% certain.

Anyway moving on I have wanted to ask you, what greek artists you listen to?

B said...

Yeah no question about it it, it's #4. So much classier to show us 8 knobs though and make us guess, than just to flash yours... :)

b-ag said...

I voted eyes (and knob) so someone could put them on pictures of you with the red block, even if they weren't taken from the same angle and looked creepy.

N4

Steven said...

Number 4 or 6, mainly because you don't appear have any body hair (and the undies are more 'euro' than the others).

Gabriel said...

something tells me its #4 or #6.

DAVID said...

I narrowed the choices to #4 or #6, but I'm inclined to go with #6. I honestly don't think it's any of the others, because I think you have the class as to not give us an "excited" shot! :)

London Preppy said...

damo: Ones that I'd be embarrassed to admit or others?

george said...

nice crotch shots.....do your readers know that someone has already posted your pics without the red block over your eyes already on their blog? it was you and scott together. i think it was your life size picture that was shown. you look much better without the red block.....george

Timmy said...

The pics with body hair were immediately ruled out. I think it is #4 and if it isn't then it is #6 because of the modest approach.

DAMO said...

hehe
embarrassing?
what is embarrassing about Helena Paparizou, Anna Vissa and Sakis Rouvas? etc
Obvious choices, but I love helena dearly!

:-)

Brian said...

I am not sure... here is my analysis:

#1 - LP does not have a treasure trail
#2 - Strong possibility here, tho the quality is not of typical LP photos
#3 - LP would not wear Fruit of the Looms
#4 - This picture is kind of embarrassing so LP would never post it
#5 - Legs to hairy, I doubt LP has that hairy of legs
#6 - Not really a pic of a "knob" - and i hope this is not the real one
#7 - Come on, LP would never wear undies that baggy

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

Good choice on the shoes. I like them a lot.

Jeff said...

Do you buy expensive clothes because they are expensive or because they fit and look better. Doing the former is one of the defining characteristics of the Nouveau riche.

Matt said...

You are hilarious. I love you, and your blog. I hope I get to meet you someday!