Wednesday, 12 December 2007

Wednesday 12/12/07

And this happens last weekend.  On Friday evening I go over to Matty’s house where we watch Frasier and I eat fish and green beans and Matty and Nicole eat pizza and garlic bread.  Then I eat two chocolate puddings from M&S and they eat Ben & Jerry’s ice cream which they don’t offer to me, but that’s OK because when I have guests over at my house and they find my ice cream in the freezer, I don’t let them have it either. 

Then I leave their house and take the tube back to mine where I’m looking forward to an extended evening of Friday Night with Jonathan Ross followed by at least one episode of CSI, but when I get to my house, just outside the door, I realize I’ve left my keys at Matty’s because I’d taken them out of my pocket so I can sit more comfortably.  Then I go and meet Scott to pick up his spare set of keys and by the time I get back home I have missed Friday Night with Jonathan Ross and I’m feeling quite grumpy so I go out again and buy two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie and eat one and a bit. 

On Saturday it’s raining and I think I go to the gym but I can’t quite remember.  What I do remember definitely though, is that in the evening I go to a surprise birthday party for Brendan.  This party is organized by a friend of Brendan who we shall call Zoidberg, whilst other luminaries at the party include: Scott, Donnell, Bryant, about a dozen other gays. 

So we all get there nice and early and wait for Brendan who has to walk in and utilize any acting skills he may have in order to feign surprise.  On Saturday evening, at Brendan’s surprise birthday party, the following things happen: 

-       I warn Scott that he should not under any circumstances throw a surprise birthday party for me on my upcoming birthday (6th January) because I hate a) surprises and b) medium-sized groups of people under one roof 

-       Zoidberg shoves us all in one corner to practice for the moment when Brendan walks in.  He hands us out party popper things and instructs us to leap forward and shout “SURPRISE” at the right moment.  My personal view on this is that I may be gay but there is a certain fag threshold that I don’t like to cross too often, so after a quick conversation with Bryant I conclude that there is not way I’m going to do this unless I’m drugged up.  I extend my arm, nobody offers to inject me, possibly due to a shortage of heroin

 

-       Consequently, when the big moment arrives I stand back and remain quiet thinking about what I could be watching on TV later in the evening 

-       Once this is over we are all released again and can resume our normal conversations and positions 

-       Donnell tells me about a new guy he is meeting later in the evening and how he sounds really amazing and he’s looking forward to it, but I tell Donnell that I’ve heard this one before and he’s just eternal optimist of love and Donnell tells me that it’s better than being a miserable git and I tell Donnell that it has worked for me so far thank you very much 

-       Donnell drops something in the bathroom and I suggest snorting the carpet.  We do not snort the carpet

-       Somebody offers me a piece of birthday cake, I sniff it, get full and hand it back 

-       I get bored and go home.  Everyone else goes clubbing 

On Sunday I meet Scott and we decide to go to the British Museum on order to admire and take pictures of some more statues.  The British Museum is hugely disappointing as a lot of the rooms are closed for the public.  I ask a British Museum employee why so many rooms are closed and she tells me that they are short staffed.  I tell her that this is not my problem and I want to see the Greek statues and I would expect the British Museum to be open to the public on a Sunday at least, when the public wants to go there.  She asks me if I would perhaps like to take a job at the British Museum to ensure that they won’t be closed and that way I can also see al the exhibits I like.  I ask her how much she gets paid because I’m always in the market for a ridiculous new career, but they get paid even less than me, which I suppose is an achievement of sorts. 

We go home.

18 comments:

NGM said...

The Greek stuff in the Britsh Museum is amazing, how ever the Greek's were trying to get it back in 2000, last i was there, so maybe it is not there any more. maybe give them a call to see, and fing out when it is open.
AND, i want a surprose party organised by Zoidberg!!!!

London Preppy said...

ngm: I don't think the Greeks have got them back yet, I think they're still complaining...

Christopher said...

The museum is banned from returning any part of its collection; even works stolen by the Nazi's that ended up in the collection cannot be returned.

In response to any request, curators and ministers will give a long, multi-pronged philosophical, cultural and legal response that basically belies a rather curt "fuck off".

Every vast museum, country house, private collection, palace and civic building is crammed with ill gotten goods; the precedent would be unacceptable.

There is no chance any of these pieces being ever being returned.

Matt said...

Yes, they are still complaining, they have even erected a huge banner here in Melbourne asking for their marbles back. Crazy Greeks.

chabang said...

That'll be why they told you it was closed - they thought you were some sort of undercover operative come to steal back all the greek stuff. Next time you visit try putting on an italian accent.....

London Preppy said...

christopher: I actually don't mind them being here and I don't think I ever had an objection (but I'm not a typical Greek in these terms). I think there's enough to see when you go to the Acropolis either way.

matt: Yes, that's going to work!

chabang: Fucking hell you're right. That half-asleep Indian woman who worked there was a lot smarter than she let out...

Bobby Vanquish said...

Yeah, them lucky Greeks. At least they have them.
As you know, the bloody British lost their bloody marbles a long time before anyone else did.
And by the way - I voted teeth.

If teeth win then you have to eat a jar of beetroot and slowly sip from a bottle of red wine. At the same time.

London Preppy said...

bobby: That is a painful thought. It actually hurts my brain imagining a glass of red wine. Don't people see what it's doing to them???

kim said...

I'm guessing that half-asleep Indian woman is also a Librarian during the week ... and is actually THE READER!!!

London Preppy said...

kim: He/she/they are closing in on me!!!

Trybaby said...

When you say puddings do you mean those bready cake things or the yogurt like stuff? And how are you suppose to tell the difference when British people are talking.

Can I ask why you call him Zoidberg?

Hmm how come you can't enlarge the photos anymore?

With the voting would you actually post what the people wanted?

Just full of questions today :)

Andre said...

I once asked the same kind of question to an employee at the London Zoo (I wanted to see the reptiles!) and got the same exact answer. I'm starting to think this is all a conspiration and their aim is to get as many people as possible to work for them.

As a result I was actually going to apply for a position at the London Zoo...

London Preppy said...

trybaby: Full of answers:

Bready cake things I'm afraid

Zoidberg....hmm he's just very much like the character from Futurama. I dare not elaborate

I think so. We'll see

andre: I seriously did consider it myself. Maybe as a weekend thing. Then I remembered I hate working during the week enough to get ANOTHER job!

george said...

my bf's birthday on the same as you. how old do you turn?.......george

Trevor said...

The half asleep Indian Woman / Stalker / Librarian / Museum Union Group Leader isn't as smart as you think. Right there and then she could have requested you to stand on a podium, get your gear off and be their greatest Greek Statue & Drawcard ever. You'd both be earning loads more than you are now, and The Bristish Government would have as much ownership of you as the Greeks, so no need to send your marbles back...

Mike said...

Working during the week or on weekends is greatly overrated. I hate both. But on the other hand, traveling around the world can also get boring.

Enjoying your blog (and some escapism from traveling( from Bolivia!!

London Preppy said...

george: Turning 28. Your bf?

trevor: Oh my - where do I send the cheque? ;-)

Travis said...

Why don't you have a PVR? I have TiVo and never have to miss a TV show.