New guy in the gym. On Wednesday I finish work at a reasonable hour and then I go to the gym where I’m planning to do arms and abs. There, as I’m getting changed, I see The Guy.
This is a guy that I’ve seen once before (I think last week – no wait, I was in Paris then, maybe the week before), but I didn’t let myself get too excited or write about it here, because I thought he was an one-off, a random stranger that happened to use my gym and I’ll never see again. Now that I’ve seen him twice, we can all get thrilled.
Here is what we know about The Guy:
- He is the sexiest human being ever (more of which later)
- He gets to the gym and finishes before me, because the two times that I’ve seen him he was in the changing rooms getting ready to leave
- The first time that I saw him I caught him before he showered so I’ve seen him with his shirt off. He is muscly and he has a hairy chest. I’m not usually a huge fan of that, but this is part of the reason why this guy is special
- The second time (this week) I only caught him as he was walking out (dressed)
- Usually, if somebody goes to the gym before 1700 I would assume that they don’t have a job and I’d be slagging them off right now. In this case, I am willing to make allowances
Anyway, I’m sure I’ve spoken about people favourably here previously but this is different. In fact I have identified the following groups of people that I might find attractive:
1) The comedy crush. This category includes those boys that aren’t that great and you sort of fancy them as a joke. The people you wouldn’t really admit to your friends that you like, but there’s something there, you know? A major example of this category is the Eastern European guy from the gym
2) The really good looking guy that you just don’t like. These are people I recognize are attractive, but I just don’t fancy because they are not my type. Examples include celebrities like David Beckham or Brad Pitt
3) My usual type. This includes all clean-cut, white, handsome muscle boys that I usually go for. I understand this is not what everyone likes (people have different types from more rugged guys to skinny indie guys), so I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. I guess examples of this type include Scott or even myself
4) The Guy. Now then. This new gym guy. I can’t stress this enough, but this person transcends all looks and types. I defy anyone to not see him and want to have sex with instantly on the spot. Or if you can’t be bothered right now, at least follow him home, attack him when he’s going in, hold him at gunpoint and keep him there as a slave. I am serious, everyone that I can think of will like this person. Donnell who has a Brazilian fetish, Enid who’s a straight girl, Bobby who goes for Eastern European porn stars, Matty who’s a straight guy, Nicole who likes Matty, Mean who doesn’t like anyone after two dates. Everyone.
OK, now that we’re all excited I will make sure to keep you up to date with how this goes. My plan of action is:
- To try to leave work on the dot every day so I can catch him again
- To try to spy at his gym card when he’s in the shower, find his name and address, buy a gun and kidnap him as described before
- To encourage anyone who’s interested to go to my gym between the hours of 1630 and 1745 so we can stalk him as a group
Now then, in less crazy news, but not by a lot.
We all know and love this picture of Scott and me:
At some point, I was so into this guy that I took the photo, had it blown up and printed onto a huge canvas and hang it in my bedroom. It's a bit like the picture that the Beckhams had in their living room when they first got married of Victoria mounting David on a pool table. You know the one. So yes, mine is equally classy. Yes, yes, I know, but you have to take into consideration that I was young and this is my first relationship.
Anyway, at this point, I would very much like to get rid of this picture. On reason is that I think it’s amazingly tacky (it’s funny how your views can change in a couple of years) and the other reason is that if I ever split up with Scott (i.e. he next dumps me), I won’t be able to look at this thing staring back at me. So how would you like to buy it of me? Let me remind you, it’s huge. It’s a mounted canvas (on a wooden frame) and the dimensions are 31.5 x 47 inches. That is 79 x 118 cm. So quite big then.
This is an amazing piece of art, not tasteless at all, a very normal possession that goes with every décor. Are we convinced yet? Well here are some more pictures that will help you make up your mind.
...pose with it...
...sleep with it...