Saturday, 22 December 2007

Saturday 22/12/07

And it’s the end of the year and because of that a couple of people suggested that maybe I should write a review, mention the good and the bad things that happened in the last 12 months, reminisce, that sort of thing.  So that sounded good to start with, but then I remembered that I have no past I have no future, I’m stuck here on this day in December 2008, I don’t keep any memories and I don’t have any hopes and I don’t want to. 

So let’s talk about people’s abs and digital enhancing.  Here are some pictures that have been shoved down our throats throughout the last few months (hey, maybe this IS a 2008 review after all).  The two main ones I’m talking about are a promotional picture for the film 300 featuring Gerard Butler and a promotional picture for Armani underwear featuring David Beckham. 

Gerard Butler/300:  In this picture we see Gerard screaming something to us in full-on fury mode surrounded by splattered blood everywhere and closely followed by a big army.  I don’t know what he’s shouting, but I’m scared.  The focal point of the image is not Gerard’s face, or the blood or the big army, but it’s the seminal six-pack engraved onto Gerard’s stomach.  In fact, I think the whole promotional campaign for this film was based on that six-pack.

 

Next, let’s look at  a picture of Gerard on his little boat, without the assistance of the digital transformation and bucketful of specialist make-up.  My God where has it all gone.  I guess it was just never there.

 

David Beckham/Armani: Let’s look at this the other way round.  To start us off, here is a number of shirtless pictures of David Beckham.  I can’t begin to describe how much I don’t get the attraction of David, and how people consider his to be an example of the perfect body. All I can see is: very thin arms compared to the rest of his body, an undefined belly that’s sticking out and a chest that is lacking muscle so much, that it’s actually caving in.  

Seriously, look at his chest, I don’t just mean that he doesn’t have developed pectorals; he actually lacks this muscle group completely.  He has just a rib cage, skin and nipples.  Has he had his chest muscles removed?  Does this help with the free kicks or something?  I don’t know. 

Stomach sticking out further than chest – check: 

 

Wrists equal circumference to biceps – check:

 

Pecs actually caving in rather than sticking out – check:

 

And so miraculously, here is the Armani advert that appeared recently. 

 

Obscene six-pack has appeared out of nowhere and he has developed a cleavage and chest definition.  I guess they couldn’t expand the scrawny arms to a normal size without everyone rebelling and bringing the whole media system down (we’re not THAT stupid), so they covered them with a crisp white crop top. 

So yeah, good on Gerard and David, but I don’t have the whole Warner Bros or Armani marketing departments retouching my pictures and myself actually on a 24-hour basis, so here’s what I’ve had for dinner every night this year (more or less): 

17 comments:

Tim in Italy said...

Yummy! Where's the toilet paper?

And I guess this culinary sacrifice is what keeps us all coming back, huh? Not the wit, the style, the sheer intelligence that has gone into the creation of the LP personna and, by extension, this blog.

The hard work and commitment are evident in both. Boys dream about you when they go to bed at night. Even good ol' pedantic Tim in Italy wonders what a night with that perfectly formed bum-bum would be like.

But, for what it's worth, the perfectly sculpted physic wouldn't be as attractive without the fertile mind guiding it. Kid all you want. There's some mighty fine intelligence at work here.

Will said...

Hey L-P,

Your right, plus you don't have the financial backing as Beckham!

So what's on the plate?

Will:)

Steven said...

Gerald Butler worked out for several months (six?) before shooting 300, hence the six-pack.

No working out, no more six-pack.

Beckham, on the other hand, has Mert and Marcus photographing him - they're known for their love with photoshop to create obsessively perfect photographs.

Oh, and they made his dick bigger, too (anyone remember the photos of him, sunbathing in a white bikini?).

semistraight said...

Yeah, it's a mystery why everyone's so hung up about Beckham...but his pictures make me feel good about myself cause with a crap diet and many skipped exercise sessions I still got more muscle than him ;).

Do you eat a lot throughout the day? My main problem, I guess, is the amount of food I (don't) consume. Maybe I should consider trying some supplements or shakes, after all.
Even though, subjectly, I think I don't eat at lot / enough, some people claim I should get checked for hyperhyroidism. They can't get over the fact that I eat more than them and am not fat (and disregard that the active part of their day is the 1 min walk to/back from the underground station)

London Preppy said...

tim: All I can say to that is.... :-)

will: Well, we have two chicken breasts, two salmon fillets (all grilled, no seasonings), two tomatoes, some cucumber, done!

steven: Yeah I know I was a bit unfair on Gerard. I mean the whole film is treated so that it looks like a moving graphic novel anyway, it's not meant to look realistic

semistraight: I do eat throughout the day you're right

Andre said...

It's funny that you brought up those two guys: I'm absolutely in love with Gerard Butler (he's in my personal top 10 sexiest actors, and I haven't seen 300 yet!) and I absolutely dislike Becks because he looks like an over-groomed lady.

Anyway, what about Tobey Maguire's abs in Spider-Man, uh?

Jon C said...

I know you once talked about your meals for the day (not sure if you were kidding about that though), but have you ever done your workout routine?

Trybaby said...

Wow that meal is psychotic. I loves it. I mean it's really not that crazy anyways. You have some veg and some meat, it's well rounded, but I do hope you switch around the veggies once and a while for variety or nutrients unless you take a supplement. It doesn't look like you are starving yourself either too. It looks to be lots of food and also meat is supper filling. I'm guessing that you grilled it with the skin on and then took them off after? Looks like, because there aren't any grill marks. Extra points for nice plates :)

I'd like to see what you eat at your other meals and snacks. I think that would be cool to see featured on the blog along side the LP workout.

I find it funny how so many straight guys love 300 and yet it's so crazy homo-erotic. And how so many Greeks protest that there weren't any gays in Greece and that it was all American lies. Lol. There was one line the in the movie how they mock the "boy loving Athenians" clearly they mock them because the Spartans are Man-Lovers. BIG DIFFERENCE.

London Preppy said...

andre: I don't actually get who has elevated Beckham to worldwide sex symbol status. I blame women and we all know what they're like

jon: I'm gonna do this with pictures soon

trybaby: You're right about the skin. I'll try to remember to take pictures of other things I eat...

matt in sydney said...

cool blog today. Except as you know, steven's right. Butler worked out to a borderline dangerous routine to get that fit. I've got 300 on dvd, check out the special features which shows on set footage etc, he's walkin around clearly with no digitisation and looks awesome. To have that amount of mass AND definition is am achievement

george said...

yum that meals looks delicious.....only one thing needed.....a big fat eye fillet with mushroom and pepper sauce.......george.....happy holidays to you and scott

semistraight said...

In my opinion the typical "straight" guy is secretly fascinated by homoerotica but will lash out at anything gay in front of other people to preserve the notion that he is "100% straight". Sure, there might be an overall preference but there's a lot in between and sexuality is not like an A/B switch.

By the way, I'm amazed at how many "The 300 Workout" sites are floating around the web. Anyone ever tried it ;-P?
Oh and LP, are there ever any high-carb foods on your menu?

Toby said...

Can you please take a picture of yourself posing as David Beckham in the Armani ad? It will be so much more impressive given that your photo will not require any Photoshopping.

Timmy said...

Nothing about your photos needs to be retouched. There are certain parts of you that I'd like to touch but I'm going off on a tangent. :-)

London Preppy said...

semi straight: I do eat some carbs. I eat a bagel every day at 1100. Erm...that's it. Well, fruit is carbs and I eat that. There are a few foods that I just don't eat at all though and these include pasta, rice, bread (other than the bagel), potatoes. Other things are negotiable every now and then

toby: Ha ha, well I will probably need to stuff a small chicken down my pants too, to recreate the look exactly

Andre said...

I just noticed that Gerard, while posing on his little boat, seems to have a small chicken stuffed down his shorts...

Son said...

I'm glad we have the same square plates.