So as we all know I’m off to Paris for a couple of days next week, even though this isn’t a trip I’m very excited about; I mean seriously, what can I get excited about after Iceland? Nothing, that’s what. And even though I had promised to myself that I wouldn’t travel south ever again for a holiday, this is a compromise because I wanted to cheapest international break I could get my hands on and Paris was it.
Anyway, I asked for some gym suggestions in Paris, and an American reader actually gave the most elaborate answer and this answer was this (along with my comments):
The reader says: “L'Usine if you want to drop major euros to see majorly hot gay guys working out”
I says: This sounds extremely unlilely already as I can’t think of anything worse than going in a place where everyone is a lot hotter than me. I’m not saying I want to hang out exclusively with uglies to make me look better of course, but I don’t want to hang out with super hot guys either thank you very much. Ideally, sort of mediocre to hot.
The reader says: “Club Med near Louvre for gay guys who think they're hot shit, only some of whom actually are”
I says: Oh my, this sound like my kind of place already. Delusional semi attractive stuck up queens. That’s where I plan to go and find my Parisian equivalent.
The reader says: “Espace Vit'Halles for more down to earth/less hot guys”
I says: Down to earth? Pass
The reader says: Gym Louvre for the only combined gym/gay sauna that I know of (50% gym, 50% gay sauna)
I says: I don’t think I will be gracing this establishment with my presence either. The only time where I might be willing to go to a gay sauna would be going undercover, in order to write a story for my blog (and NOT do anything with anyone of course). But even then I suspect I might still find it too overwhelming.
Anyway, moving on, some more reader / blogger interaction occurred on Friday. So I’m at work, looking through some extremely important and interesting research data as always, when I receive the following comment from a reader:
“I've just realised I'm having a business meeting in the same building you work in. "Look at the view!" they said, and I thought. "Oh, hang on. I've seen this view. This is what London Preppy sees when he's snacking on bog roll and tuna fish." I think I'm a couple of floors higher, but how exciting. To think - I'm accidentally just a few dozen feet away from all that blank-faced nihilism. Accidental stalking rocks”
This if course is enough to excite any bored office worker at 1235 on a Friday afternoon and I quickly share it with Pam from the office.
The next step is to invite the reader to make contact with me, in any form that he might consider appropriate (as long as he doesn’t turn up at my desk).
Then the readers says:
‘Bag of maltesers in the stairwell window between the 5th and 6th floors. Most appropriate thing I could steal from the "fruitbowl" here. I do not believe London Preppy does milk chocolate buttons”
That’s the point when I start loving this reader, so I go and collect my free chocolates. Then, being a very giving person myself (not really to be honest, just bored mainly) I decide to return the favour, but because I cant find any free foods around, I send the following message:
“I've left a Valium for you in the stairwell window between 6th and 7th floors. That's the most representative item I could think of, plus we have no fruit bowl here”
So the result is – London Preppy gains: a bag of Maltesers, Reader Who Found Himself In My Building And Was Observant Enough To Notice It gains: 1 Valium
Let me point out that this is not an invite for everyone to track me down so that I can give them prescription tranqulisers, because that ain’t gonna happen. Thanks.
Finally, on Sunday night I’m going clubbing for the first time in 4 months. During this clubbing event, I am hoping to achieve the following:
a) Fall in love with at least 4 attractive hunky men and be tortured inside with feelings of inadequacy
b) Find something to climb on and dance when the Seamus Haji remix of Overpowered comes on. Fall off 1 minute in
c) Share toilet cubicles with at least 13 friends during the night (cumulatively – not at the same time)
d) Have my picture taken on a stretcher, being carried into an ambulance, with oxygen mask covering my face
I am hoping to achieve the things above, because I:
a) Never lose it
b) Never chose this way
c) Never close my eyes
And because they:
a) Tried to break me
b) Looks like they’ll try again
Obviously review of the night coming up.