Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Wednesday 28/11/07

So here’s an idea.  We all know and love the Eastern European guy from my gym.  If you don’t know and love the Eastern European guy from the gym yet (I wrote about him a few weeks ago), here’s a brief summary: 

The Eastern European guy is a guy who started going to my gym recently and he’s painfully foreign and new to the country and looks a bit lost, plus I don’t think he speaks English very well.  He hangs out with a group of completely destroyed, derelict other Eastern European guys and they all come in and train together after a long day at the building site where they work.  Amazingly, the Eastern European guy has bypassed his class and background and he has a very good body and an OK face.  You know, like me having bypassed the handicap of being Greek and not having a hook nose and untamable hairs all over my body?  A bit like that. 

Mind you, he’s not absolutely gorgeous or anything (the teeth need a complete overhaul and the nose requires at least some quick restructuring) but he’s kinda sexy. 

The main point about this guy though and the reason why we concern ourselves with him, is because he’s crypto-gay.  He looks and stares and walks past and follows and everything else really.  Of course he’s too scared and primitive to do anything about it, so he just lets his homosexual tendencies torture him inside.  Not to mention that if his friends found out they would probably push him off the scaffolding next time they’re plastering a wall or whatever it is that those poor people do for a living. 

By the way, I will refer to the Eastern European guy as Vladimir from now on.  Or Vladdy to his friends. 

Anyway, yesterday in the gym Scott and I were talking to this other guy that we know and we’re all convinced of Vladimir’s gayness and the other guy goes on to say that Vladimir would probably shag a guy but of course he wouldn’t have a relationship or anything, because he’s not ready for that. 

And this is where my idea comes from. 

Next time I see him in the gym, I am planning to pass him a piece of paper with my phone number on it.  Of course I will do this very discreetly and I’ll make sure that his friends don’t see me (because they would kill us both).  I want to see if he will call me or text me or anything like that. 

So I will make sure he’s alone, walk up to him, pass him the piece of paper quickly and walk away before he has the chance to say anything. 

As far as I can see, the possible outcomes are the following: 

1)       He looks at the phone number, stops me on my tracks, punches me in the mouth

2)       He takes the phone number, never calls me, we all get on with our lives

3)       He takes the phone number, calls me, we arrange to meet, he turns up with his Bulgarian posse, the kick me to the ground

4)       He takes the phone number, sends me a few embarrassed texts, we arrange to meet up, he turns up, I fuck him 

I think this pretty much covers everything. 

Do we think this is a good idea?  Should I go ahead with it? 

Finally, well done to Fuzzy Logic for messing with my brain, tampering with my nice neat desk and creating this this morning.

EDIT: I wrote this before I went in the gym today and posting it now.  Anyway, Vladdy wasn't in the gym today but there was another guy there who was tall and blonde and perfect and I'm in love with him and anyway the point that I want to make is that if I actually liked Vladimir I wouldn't even consider going near him (like the tall guy from today), but I'm willing to play games because I don't really like Vladimir all that much, so it's OK.

28 comments:

the one in your dreams said...

admittedly, the desk IS still neat and tidy...

well done by FL

London Preppy said...

toiyd: She just swapped everything around - like a mirror image

Aaron said...

Another possible outcome:

5) He takes the phone number, writes it on every toilet wall he visits, laughs when you are forced to get a new number from the constant ringing

And what ethnicity is Amelle in the poll? Or is that just a Sugarbabes joke?

Jean said...

Don't be an arsehole; leave the poor guy alone.

London Preppy said...

aaron: Oh Aaron, I'm way ahead of you. I'm not giving him my actual every day number. I have two mobiles. I'm giving him the number for an old pay-as-you-go phone that I've got in a drawer somewhere and I never use

TheDreamer said...

Option 6: To your eternal surprise he runs after you, kisses you, grabs your hand and walks out of the gym with you.

But hey, I'm just a hopeless romantic.

tiger said...

This is a bad idea. You will receive some seriously bad karma if this goes wrong and it will. Which you will deserve. The last line of your post says it all.

Will said...

LP, you want to be careful, plus it's nice to mess the guy about even if he does turn out to be bi/gay.

Will

Matt said...

You're a brave man!

Won't it be unconfortable everytime you see him and he shoots death looks?

Raphael said...

That's quite the plan... So you have a 50-50 chance of this working out. There's one guy at my gym I'd love to do the same to, but since I'm always convinced the outcome would be either 1 or 3 and never 2 or 4, I don't have the balls to try it.

Perhaps your success/failure will motivate/dissuade me!

London Preppy said...

wow that has caused quite a reaction. It's not really that big a deal is it? How many numbers are exchanged daily and nothing comes out of it?

Aaron said...

"How many numbers are exchanged daily and nothing comes out of it?"

Answer: Six

Trybaby said...

We all just don't want to see you hurt, that's all.

London Preppy said...

aaron: 7 tomorrow

trybaby: I get bored. I have no attention span! I need excitement!!!

kim said...

Option 6)

Vladimir contacts you and arranges a hook-up. When you arrive at nondescript-hotel for the fun and games, you're jumped by his local mates. Turns out Valddy has been sent out from the Homeland to be used as bait to lure young, unsuspecting muscle boys to nondescript-hotels for s session of uncontrolled tag-team gang banging.


Good luck with that one.

Angelo said...

just go for it. =)

Will said...

Just because you get bored easily doesn't really mean you can play about with someone in that way!

Will

Dan said...

Everybody relax. Bottom line, sounds like LP wants to hook with a (likely) closet case. Not a big deal, just means he'll have to do it discreetly. Which is what he's planning to do.

Granted, it's a little dangerous. Plenty of psychotics out there, especially in eastern europe. But it's LP's risk to take.

Best of luck nailing that hot, closeted eastern european tail!

Nic said...

LP that last line killed me!!!

hilarious.

Keep up the good work.

Danny Edwards said...

Its the motive I'm concerned about LP, rather than the consequences. You shouldn't use people as an ends to your own amusement. Who knows what shit this guy is already dealing with?

MrM said...

Couldn't agree more with Danny Edwards. I understand if you want to have some fun and be daring and ballsey. But using a guy whom, as far as I can see from your description, already has tons on his plate to deal with as a means to achieve short-lived entertainment, is, I believe, a highly explosive cocktail which might end up badly for either, or both of you, and whatever happens will surely generate bad conscience, bad karma and bad, bad, guilt trips.
Unless you have no soul at all - which is a thought I am rather tempted to dismiss from what I regularly read here.
Be ballsey and give your real number to tall blonde guy. That might make for some stupour and cold sweat. No?

SPQR said...

you make me laugh mate...
...and all those weirdos who take all your crap sooooo seriously.
I reckon that you are probably a 17 yrs old identity thief from Macedonia with a serious double/triple personality disorder..
very funny tho'!

London Preppy said...

Response to most of the comments in today's blog (later).

spqr: Thanks! That's my preferred perspective!

KaB said...

OMG...you're hilarious!

I say play the poor fella...give him a *romp* I mean, go!

Newbie dude sounds super hot...the one that you 'love'!

You a playa by any chance, you naughty bitch!

KaB said...

OMG...I've just scrolled down through each of the comments...since when do people have a conscience?!? If the guy isn't keen, he won't budge...so what have you got to lose?!?

On the contrary, these Eastern Euro blokes apparently have themselves a rep so am not sure if being beaten up by a bunch of homophobic fuckwits is a great idea...mmm!

Your life = I'll just sit here & watch & be entertained...that's if you don't mind?!?

*sis...slaps wrist*

Gert said...

I agree with the people who say it's a bad idea. It's even a very bad idea since you don't even really fancy him.

I'm familiar with the same kind of fantasies (for lack of a better word) but at the present moment I tend to think of them as a sign of gay immaturity. You know, stick to non-closeted gay people and let them go on with their lives.

London Preppy said...

gert: Thanks for this wonderful contribution. Gay immaturity eh? Well at least I have a plan for my weekend now. List of things to do:

- Do a whites wash
- Buy toilet roll
- Put cat out
- Achieve gay maturity

DanNaked said...

I'm probably too late, but what about option 5: He fucks YOU silly (sillier?)? Pretend he's Reader No. 3 until Reader No. 3 is able to claim his prize.