So here’s an idea. We all know and love the Eastern European guy from my gym. If you don’t know and love the Eastern European guy from the gym yet (I wrote about him a few weeks ago), here’s a brief summary:
The Eastern European guy is a guy who started going to my gym recently and he’s painfully foreign and new to the country and looks a bit lost, plus I don’t think he speaks English very well. He hangs out with a group of completely destroyed, derelict other Eastern European guys and they all come in and train together after a long day at the building site where they work. Amazingly, the Eastern European guy has bypassed his class and background and he has a very good body and an OK face. You know, like me having bypassed the handicap of being Greek and not having a hook nose and untamable hairs all over my body? A bit like that.
Mind you, he’s not absolutely gorgeous or anything (the teeth need a complete overhaul and the nose requires at least some quick restructuring) but he’s kinda sexy.
The main point about this guy though and the reason why we concern ourselves with him, is because he’s crypto-gay. He looks and stares and walks past and follows and everything else really. Of course he’s too scared and primitive to do anything about it, so he just lets his homosexual tendencies torture him inside. Not to mention that if his friends found out they would probably push him off the scaffolding next time they’re plastering a wall or whatever it is that those poor people do for a living.
By the way, I will refer to the Eastern European guy as Vladimir from now on. Or Vladdy to his friends.
Anyway, yesterday in the gym Scott and I were talking to this other guy that we know and we’re all convinced of Vladimir’s gayness and the other guy goes on to say that Vladimir would probably shag a guy but of course he wouldn’t have a relationship or anything, because he’s not ready for that.
And this is where my idea comes from.
Next time I see him in the gym, I am planning to pass him a piece of paper with my phone number on it. Of course I will do this very discreetly and I’ll make sure that his friends don’t see me (because they would kill us both). I want to see if he will call me or text me or anything like that.
So I will make sure he’s alone, walk up to him, pass him the piece of paper quickly and walk away before he has the chance to say anything.
As far as I can see, the possible outcomes are the following:
1) He looks at the phone number, stops me on my tracks, punches me in the mouth
2) He takes the phone number, never calls me, we all get on with our lives
3) He takes the phone number, calls me, we arrange to meet, he turns up with his Bulgarian posse, the kick me to the ground
4) He takes the phone number, sends me a few embarrassed texts, we arrange to meet up, he turns up, I fuck him
I think this pretty much covers everything.
Do we think this is a good idea? Should I go ahead with it?
Finally, well done to Fuzzy Logic for messing with my brain, tampering with my nice neat desk and creating this this morning.
EDIT: I wrote this before I went in the gym today and posting it now. Anyway, Vladdy wasn't in the gym today but there was another guy there who was tall and blonde and perfect and I'm in love with him and anyway the point that I want to make is that if I actually liked Vladimir I wouldn't even consider going near him (like the tall guy from today), but I'm willing to play games because I don't really like Vladimir all that much, so it's OK.