Tuesday, 20 November 2007

Tuesday 20/11/07

Today I’m going to refer to a story from the past, a story from the present and a story from the future. Against all odds, here’s the story from the present first.

I may not be man enough to write exactly what happened with the Mysterious Disappearance of Contestant No.2, but thankfully somebody else is. So go to The Guy Who’s blog and read it there, he pretty much covers everything.

No then, the story from the past. As we all know, when I first came out, I was leading a much more interesting life than I do now. If by “interesting” we mean hedonistic, selfish and immoral, which we do. My excuse for doing that is that I was 25, until that point I was pretty sheltered / a virgin / moralistic and then suddenly a whole new world opened up in front of me.

I can’t say I was a complete bastard (not deliberately anyway), but because I hadn’t had any experience with relationships etc, I didn’t really know how to treat people and looking back I may have been guilty of not considering other people’s feeling very carefully.

That’s about the time I started keeping a spreadsheet of everyone I slept with, where I marked them and ranked them against each other. I guess I had grown up being aware of the legend of the Little Black Book that promiscuous straight men occasionally keep, where they do a similar thing for their sexual conquests. Sadly I hadn’t had any sexual conquests until that time, so when I did, I thought it was a brilliant idea to start something similar.

So here’s how this thing worked. I would put down everyone’s name once I’d slept with them and rate out of 10 them in six categories, which were:

Body
Face
Height
Getting on / Connection
Sex
Money / Job / Status

Sounds lovely, right? Anyway, after marking all these categories the spreadsheet would work out an average for each person, and then rank them according to that.

Of course not every category made the same contribution to the overall average (for God’s sake how could I possibly consider Body as important as Face), so I attached weights to the categories. I’ve opened the spreadsheet (which I haven’t seen for a couple of years) now and I’m looking at it and I can see that the most important category for me was Face, followed by Body, followed by Height, followed by Sex, followed by Getting on / Connection, followed by Money / Job / Status. Oh well, I guess it could have been worse.

Anyway, I remembered about this the other day for some reason and thought I’d write about it. Obviously looking back at it I am so embarrassed; I feel it was created by an unformed version of me, an amoeba of my current self. Not that I’m on some kind of fucking moral pedestal currently, but I think I would refrain from maintaining something like this. For fuck’s sake, what’s even the point.

I’m not going to say exactly how many people are on it, but I’ll say that the number never surpassed my age in years.

So yes, I do feel the shame for doing that, but at the same time meh, what can you do. My personal highlight was when I mentioned this spreadsheet to somebody on my first date at the time and he took huge offense at it and never went out with me again. Ironically he’s a class A scene fixture (still now) and I’m sure he’s done a lot worse things than me giving some Scottish guy I slept with a 6 out of 10 for Getting on / Connection. At least my spreadsheet was very scientific and educational, i.e. I was being a cunt, but learning at the same time.

And that’s that.

Now for the story from the future. Well in a nutshell Bobby from Bobby Vanquish blog, came up with an ingenious plan. As we all know, he keeps writing stories from his gym and the guys and there and their lewd behaviour. So what better idea than for him to send me a day guest pass for the gym, so that I can go and assess the situation and then write about it?

And this is what’s happening tomorrow. I am going to Bobby’s gym undercover, taking notes, maybe participating in said behaviour myself (albeit only in a suggestive, leading way where I don’t actually do anything) and then writing a post about it. I don’t know about you, but I’m quite excited. And a little scared.

PS. Why do I suddenly have 3,287 hits since yesterday? What happened?

I have 1 song by Europe and I've played it 4 times
I have 1 song by Eva Cassidy and I've played it 1 times
I have 1 song by Evanescence and I've played it 19 times

17 comments:

Trevor said...

You have so many hits because vividblurry.com linked to you. That's how I found you and I'm sure that's how about 3000 other people found you.

London Preppy said...

trevor: Ah! I see, thanks, I've checked it out now

DJ said...

Good to hear you won't be engaging in any of the lewd shower behaviour that takes place at Bobby's gym! Although how suggestive are you going to get? It’s a fine line!

I would offer you a day pass to my gym as part of your undercover gym write up mission, but nothing untoward ever takes place. It is full of less then attractive straight men!

D

London Preppy said...

dj: Hmm...where is this gym then? Maybe this can become a blog feature

DJ said...

Cannons in the City. Nearest tube Bank. It's a nice big gym and has a great relaxation area (spa, sauna, steam room) overlooking the Thames.
http://www.cannons.co.uk/clubhome.aspx?id_Content=36

London Preppy said...

dj: Nice. I'm very willing to sample that gym. Let's see how tomorrow goes and I could take this on professionally :-)

DJ said...

Cool!Have fun tomorrow.

seahorse said...

welcome back from the Norf Pole LP..I read that you obviously had a great time. did you see any Husky's around, such beautiful creatures!

Have you managed to check if any Icelandic's read your blog or if anybody noticed ya on their turf?

London Preppy said...

seahorse: No sign of those Icelanders yet :-(

DAMO said...

Hey
bit of a change of subject (not that this blogg needs id with all of the current controversy lol
but, I have just stumbled accross a load of your bloggs from feb 10th to about feb 24th 2007.
I origionally printed these out to show people at uni and work. But just been clearing stuff out for my dissertation and came accross em. If you don't have these save on your computer etc, I dont mind scanning them and sending them to ur gmail if you want?
Just thought you might want them.

Good luck with the new gym trial lol
Hey what if, that is the new gym where ratboy has gone???!

fuzzy logic said...

I think you should do the gym near work too - just to confirm its skankiness and the high gay content (not related, I'm sure). And I'm positive I saw a certain Brazilian there a while ago...

Trevor said...

it seems there's more than 1 trevor about now... I recall once having a reader from Iceland - obviously they were so impressed they haven't come back - (possibly a regular reader on holiday in Iceland - that's my hopeful conclusion). You can spot where your hits are coming from in your analytics - but I think you already know that.

As for gyms I'll happily get you a pass to my gym, but you'll have to get the first class airfare I'm afraid.

Jon C said...

If you ever are interested in coming to the midwest US, I'll give you a free gym pass too.

London Preppy said...

damo: I do have all old posts, thanks a lot for suggestign that though

fuzzy: We do NOT talk about that Brazilian!

revor / jon c: I'll make sure your gyms are part of my Worldwide Gym Tour 2008

Andre said...

Make sure that your Worldwide Gym Tour 2008 will include mine in Torino. No wanking in the showers but lots of old rich guys driving Ferrari and Porsche..

London Preppy said...

andre: This is becomign a fantastic career prospect...

Jon C said...

You should suggest this as an ongoing article for AXM.