Today I’m going to refer to a story from the past, a story from the present and a story from the future. Against all odds, here’s the story from the present first.
I may not be man enough to write exactly what happened with the Mysterious Disappearance of Contestant No.2, but thankfully somebody else is. So go to The Guy Who’s blog and read it there, he pretty much covers everything.
No then, the story from the past. As we all know, when I first came out, I was leading a much more interesting life than I do now. If by “interesting” we mean hedonistic, selfish and immoral, which we do. My excuse for doing that is that I was 25, until that point I was pretty sheltered / a virgin / moralistic and then suddenly a whole new world opened up in front of me.
I can’t say I was a complete bastard (not deliberately anyway), but because I hadn’t had any experience with relationships etc, I didn’t really know how to treat people and looking back I may have been guilty of not considering other people’s feeling very carefully.
That’s about the time I started keeping a spreadsheet of everyone I slept with, where I marked them and ranked them against each other. I guess I had grown up being aware of the legend of the Little Black Book that promiscuous straight men occasionally keep, where they do a similar thing for their sexual conquests. Sadly I hadn’t had any sexual conquests until that time, so when I did, I thought it was a brilliant idea to start something similar.
So here’s how this thing worked. I would put down everyone’s name once I’d slept with them and rate out of 10 them in six categories, which were:
Getting on / Connection
Money / Job / Status
Sounds lovely, right? Anyway, after marking all these categories the spreadsheet would work out an average for each person, and then rank them according to that.
Of course not every category made the same contribution to the overall average (for God’s sake how could I possibly consider Body as important as Face), so I attached weights to the categories. I’ve opened the spreadsheet (which I haven’t seen for a couple of years) now and I’m looking at it and I can see that the most important category for me was Face, followed by Body, followed by Height, followed by Sex, followed by Getting on / Connection, followed by Money / Job / Status. Oh well, I guess it could have been worse.
Anyway, I remembered about this the other day for some reason and thought I’d write about it. Obviously looking back at it I am so embarrassed; I feel it was created by an unformed version of me, an amoeba of my current self. Not that I’m on some kind of fucking moral pedestal currently, but I think I would refrain from maintaining something like this. For fuck’s sake, what’s even the point.
I’m not going to say exactly how many people are on it, but I’ll say that the number never surpassed my age in years.
So yes, I do feel the shame for doing that, but at the same time meh, what can you do. My personal highlight was when I mentioned this spreadsheet to somebody on my first date at the time and he took huge offense at it and never went out with me again. Ironically he’s a class A scene fixture (still now) and I’m sure he’s done a lot worse things than me giving some Scottish guy I slept with a 6 out of 10 for Getting on / Connection. At least my spreadsheet was very scientific and educational, i.e. I was being a cunt, but learning at the same time.
And that’s that.
Now for the story from the future. Well in a nutshell Bobby from Bobby Vanquish blog, came up with an ingenious plan. As we all know, he keeps writing stories from his gym and the guys and there and their lewd behaviour. So what better idea than for him to send me a day guest pass for the gym, so that I can go and assess the situation and then write about it?
And this is what’s happening tomorrow. I am going to Bobby’s gym undercover, taking notes, maybe participating in said behaviour myself (albeit only in a suggestive, leading way where I don’t actually do anything) and then writing a post about it. I don’t know about you, but I’m quite excited. And a little scared.
PS. Why do I suddenly have 3,287 hits since yesterday? What happened?
I have 1 song by Europe and I've played it 4 times
I have 1 song by Eva Cassidy and I've played it 1 times
I have 1 song by Evanescence and I've played it 19 times