So now that I’ve finally run out of Iceland stories, I can get on with business as usual, which is obviously to write about everyday life describing the absence of innocence, hollowness of character, lack of connection, arrogance, indifference and apathy of me and most of the people who surround me.
On Monday Matty and Nicole and I are invited to Niles and Elliott’s new house for dinner. Niles has actually gone into the effort to cook instead of just buying some ready food and serving it to us like I would, which doesn’t makes much sense to me as this takes a lot of effort, not to mention that it leaves you with more washing up than you could have ever hoped for. Naturally I am the first person to leave the dinner because it’s Monday night and I need to get home by 2215 at the latest so that I have enough time to mope in my solitude / turn off my thoughts and feelings in preparation for tomorrow’s working day.
On Tuesday lunchtime I’m feeling particularly low, a low that can only be off balanced with an act of conspicuous consumption, the filling of a material need that I never knew I had; like my 46” TV two weeks ago. This time I go to the Apple shop and buy a 15-inch MacBook Pro with a 2.2GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor, 2GB memory and a 120GB hard drive at a cost of £1,299.
Some times you can only feel better about yourself when you walk back to the office carrying a piece of equipment that your boss knows you can’t easily afford on the salary they pay you, which leaves him to wonder where on earth you get the money from, and makes him think that you don’t need this job oh no, you’re just doing it for fun and to fill your empty days which are otherwise occupied with finding new ways to spend the limitless trust fund you’re sitting on. This is obviously not true in my case, but it’s still a good attitude to have.
On Wednesday I get home and open my post to find a cheque for £X, which is the amount of money AXM said they would pay for my article when they published it. Working around this very complex logic, I make the assumption that my article has actually been picked up, so a couple of days later when the magazine comes out I go and get a copy and see this on page 56:
Yes, fine, three quarters of the page are taken over by a picture of me, but the rest is actual words I have written. Which I suppose should make me happy. Not as happy as the hilarious headline of course, which reads:
“London Preppy’s a cover star and gay scene ‘it-boy’. So why is he insecure?”
I have to say, I kinda like the article but it’s certainly not one my favourite things I’ve written. Going back and forth a few times for changes plus some tweaks by the magazine have taken a lot out of the usual dry / resentful / self-deprecating-but-arrogant-within-the-same-sentence style that I write in, but I don’t expect full editorial control in my first published article ever.
I can’t reproduce the article here yet of course (I don’t think that would be fair and AXM probably wouldn’t be too impressed), but if you get a chance and are able to get hold of a copy somehow – shoplifting is ridiculously easy at your local Spar – do have a look and tell me what you think. It’s the December 2007 issue. Oh yeah, if somebody took a picture of the article and posted it in the comments here for people to read, I guess I couldn’t help that, could I?
Now finally, here are two things that I would like your help with if possible, concerning a) my new laptop and b) the AXM article.
a) The new laptop.
This is my first experience with a Mac operating system. So far I keep turning the MacBook on, staring at the screen for a few minutes not knowing what to do and then turning it off. It looks really nice and shiny of course, but I’m sure I could have spent one and a half grand on lots of other nice shiny things, but I would like to learn how to use this laptop please. So if you are a Mac user, can you direct me to a site or maybe a book that gives a basic overview of the transition between Windows and Mac? Or give me some very basic tips – anything would help; at the moment I’m still at the point where I’m confused and infuriated by the lack of a right-click option. How the fuck do I paste things?
Also, and this is a lot more important – my MacBook doesn’t come with Office, i.e. I have no Word, PowerPoint, etc. I could go back to Apple and spend £269.95 for the Microsoft Office for Mac Standard Edition, but quite frankly I’m not made of money, so I thought I’d try this first. Does anyone have a spare Office for Mac CD-Rom / serial code that I can use to install it on my Mac? I will be eternally grateful. At the moment I am typing the blog on my old PC, which is a bit annoying as the MacBook is sitting on a shelf looking smug and unused.
Also, I would like to install Photoshop (or Photoshop Elements actually), so if anyone has that either, can you please let me know?
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for either of the above.
b) The AXM article
We all know that I like writing and I dream of an easy life, sitting in my isolated warm house outside Reykjavik, churning out well-paid articles and immensely successful books on my MacBook (which I will have learnt to use by then). Now that I have a published article, would you people, who come here often and read my drivel anyway, be so kind as to send a message to AXM and tell them how much you enjoyed my article and that you’d like to read more from me? Obviously you don’t have to mean it, just do it. Who knows, they might fall for it and ask me to write again.
I don’t know if they’ll necessarily believe that having more articles by me will skyrocket their sales, but if they get a mass of messages demanding more, they might consider it as an option.
Once again, if you’d like to do me this favour please let me know (comment / email) and I’ll give you the email address for the magazine.
Sorry this is a selfish post and I’m asking for a lot of things. Tomorrow I’ll write more about the BLR competition (which you can vote for here) and the hilarious controversy that it has already caused. I don’t know if I should write the story of the mysterious appearance and disappearance of certain contestants, but maybe I will.
I have 5 songs by Erasure and I've played them 88 times
I have 1 song by Eric Clapton and I've played it 5 times
I have 1 song by Eric Prydz and I've played it 4 times