Sunday, 4 November 2007

Sunday 04/11/07

So on Friday I meet up with Matty and wearing a total of 3 polo shirts between us we decide to have dinner at this Greek place called the Real Greek, which is sort of like a Greek tapas restaurant. There we both have this thing called souvlaki, which is lamb or chicken or pork or whatever wrapped in pita bread; yes, that’s right I’m having complex carbohydrates at 1900 in the evening. Then we decide to go back to my house to hang out and watch TV and on the way we also buy a tub of Ben & Jerry’s (chocolate fudge brownie).

Obviously these days my diet has gone out the window, but my abs are still holding out, I’m not sure why that might be. Regardless, once I come back from Iceland next week I’ll go back to my usual psychotic, self-punishing eating habits, because I don’t want to tempt fate any longer. In the meantime Matty has some of the ice cream, I have some of the ice cream and then once he leaves I finish the rest of it off.

Before Matty leaves however, the following things happen:

We watch an episode of the Simpsons

We examine a map of London and set borders of the furthest out that we would be willing to live

At some point, in the bathroom, I notice the window and remember that I’m always terrified in the middle of the night when I wake up to go to the toilet, because there are no curtains or blind and I think that somebody will be stood there, just outside, staring in. And because the sight of a face staring at me surrounded by pitch black at 0300 in the morning when I’m half asleep is not one I want to come across, I suggest to Matty that we go to the shops right then and buy some curtains.

For this visit to the shops I'm wearing Ralph Lauren khaki shorts, Timberland deck shoes and a Sheffield University hooded top.

Then we go to the shops, but I’ve overestimated how late shops stay open, and anywhere that might sell curtains is closed. So instead we go to Tesco and play around there for a bit and then we go to the pharmacy, which is still open. And this is a picture of me on the security screen in the pharmacy at 2200 on this Friday evening.

Despite the fact that I’m smiling, I’m fully aware that not even all the pills stacked in the Pain Relief section that I’m stood by could ever take my pain away.

Then we go back home and we play this game where Matty has to keep his eyes closed and just by smelling them, guess the flavours that the 4 shower gels that I keep in my bathroom come in. Each shower gel has a combination of 2 fruits (for example cranberry and kiwi) and out of a total of 8 fruits, Matty only manages to guess 1. The coconut in coconut milk and lime.

Then he goes home.

On Saturday I only leave home to go to the gym. In the evening I stay in, on my own, watching TV and listening to music.

It crosses my mind that I haven’t been out on a Friday or Saturday evening since August. It’s not just that I don’t really want to go clubbing. I don’t want to go out and meet people in crowded, public places either. I’m happy for friends to come over to my house or to visit friends at theirs, but the longer I stay away from bars, clubs, etc the more hesitant I am to go back. I don’t know when this starts becoming an issue, but I don’t have the desire to deal with it anyway.

In any case, this Saturday evening at home, I’m feeling distant and a bit vacant and maybe sad, but mainly I’m feeling nothing. I use moisturizer to maintain my tan which I’m starting to be satisfied with, I measure my waist (30”), arms (14.5”) and chest (42”) and I don’t allow myself to get upset about the memories that cross my mind, some of which I’ve lived, and some of which I haven’t: how my hair turned dark when I was 6, going back to the room I stayed in at my first year at Uni and seeing it occupied by somebody else, a wheelchair I don’t have the strength to push, facing the reality that nobody will ever call me Dad, snorting a crushed Valium, then another, not crying when the

And here’s a picture when I go to bed on that Saturday night.

I have 1 song by Eagle Eye Cherry and I've played it 9 times
I have 5 songs by East 17 and I've played them 34 times
I have 6 songs by Echo & The Bunnymen and I've played them 81 times


A said...

If I didn't know that you were so nihilistic and would definitely reject it out of hand, I'd offer you a hug. It sounds like you need one...Even if you don't let the thoughts of memories that are real and ones that aren't get you down, thinking about them doesn't do you any good.

Are all your lads out on a Saturday night? Is that why you were home alone? Do none of them ring you and suggest take-away and DVDs?

London Preppy said...

a: It's OK really. Sometimes I write this when I'm in a certain mood and it doesn't reflect completely how I feel all the time. I'm not really this unhappy :-)

androphile said...

Preppy, I enjoy checking out your blog everyday. You're very witty and often funny, too.

Tim in Italy said...

You've got Iceland to look forward to. Then the last minute entries for the BLR 2007 competition. Then bedding a complete stranger... there's an adventure to savor.

Ice cream and abs are always a trade off. Wouldn't an ab tightening ice cream be heaven?

Is it really still warm enough in Blighty to wear shorts in the evening? I'm going to be spending the Holidays in Italy this year, and I want it to be cold, damn it!

DAMO said...

Hey there dude!
You seem a little sad...

Your weekend has been a little more eventful than mine least you got to go to Tesco! lol

I have been sat at the computer staring blank at a 4000 wrd essay which is due in on Weds! And their breif is poorl;y written and is just that BRIEF! So I don't really know what I arrghh!
Well I am still working at the title so four words so far! lol

When do you go on your "snowy" holiday? Is it next week did you say?

Ooh! I know it hasn't been in the blogg lately, but...Krispy Kreme are opening their first store in Manchester!

read it in the Metro on Friday and needed to tell someone who knew what it is! hehehe!

Go and get your hot water bottle and watch something nice on your bug TV with some choc!!

Have a nice evening! ;-)

daze said...

person staring in from outside in pitch black: I could and have never, lived somewhere without blinds/curtains for this reason. It's part x-files/ part self-confidence methinks . . .

Mixed-Up said...

I can totally relate to your mood and things u wrote.

I think I goin thru some phases in life( 25years old now).Somethin is always missing....Not sure what it is.

My solution: Be alone, have some wine and stay miserable. LOL....

Things will be alright someday, I reckon.

Now keep on blogging!!

London Preppy said...

androphile: Thank you very much :-)

tim: Yes definitely looking forward to the holiday (going on Tuesday). Things like that I still enjoy - going away somewhere etc. It's social life in London that I'm a bit hesitant with

damo: I can't believe they didn't have a Krisoy Kreme in Manc so far. I may not write about them much anymore, but I often find myself in the shops here, just going in to smell them a bit

daze: I still haven't got some! I think I may have to stick some toilet paper on the windoe or something for the time being!

mixed-up: That sounds like good advice but I'll swap the wine with ice cream :-)

London Preppy said...

tim: Oh yes and it's been quite mild this week in terms of weather - it was a bit chilly but the sun was out. I kept the shorts on on Friday cause that's what I was wearing in the house

Knight said...

Hey LP, love the growing hair =)

The 'called dad' part is a lil' sad.. but you can always adopt right? Or get a friend to surrogate for you =) Either way, you can be 'less sad' knowing tonnes of guys out there would die for body measurements like yours!

P/s: You looked really peaceful in Pic 3.. not sure that's the purpose of the pic though!

London Preppy said...

knight: In bed, no work the next day, holding hot water bottle...very peaceful indeed

Tonyx said...

hey Dad (london preppy),hehe,hope your doing good.just wanted to advise you not to have the iceland trip because it will be impossible to return to your measured routine and fitness and chisseled beautiful bod- the frozen crumble pastry sausage rolls and pork pies are to die think you have a problem with valium?, its nothing to this mate! hahahahahaha
(but im sure it beats tesco delivery service!) congratulations on your citizenship btw. on the curtain issue- can you task somebody to find out how costly is it to get windows where you can see out but no one can see in but sunlight-mirrored ones i think-like you see on the skyscrapers.i could do with some of them hoping you can put these kinda things on your wishlist soon london preppy, like the big T.V.,as your blog is such an enjoyable read-and i always look forward to it.i am a bit skint though!hehe.laters :-) Tony xxx

Knight said...

Indeed! And your eyes.. they are probably 1 of your best assets yet you always cover them! A person's eyes say(s) a lot about how one is feeling.. so covering them sort of leaves this mystery.. which in a way is FUN for us readers to figure out..

Mike said...

You are quite a conundrum.

george said...

hey what is it with deck shoes (we call them boat shoes down under) it a guys way of wearing a pair of pumps without the fear of people thinking your wearing girls shoes? i thought they went out when the 80's ended? what is going on.....can i stab you!!!!

London Preppy said...

george: No, I wouldn't realy want you to stab me

about a boy said...

cute pics.

and i do the same thing. sometimes my writing embodies how i feel. other times how i felt.

Guy Ruben said...

You are too cute with ur shoes and no socks! Yum!

Mike said...

"facing the reality that nobody will ever call me Dad"

I’m curious to hear your expanded take on kids in a future post. I’m sure it’s quite humorous.