Making small talk with workmen is something I find particularly hard to do, as they invariably have two topics of conversation: football and pussy. And I don’t claim to be an expert on either of those.
Despite this, Thursday actually goes OK, something which can be put down to the following facts:
- The Sky guy (let’s call him Colin) takes an instant liking to me because of my TV. “That’s a nice TV you’ve got there Mr Preppy. How much did that set you back?”
- Colin also likes the area that I live in. We discuss that there are some amazing houses around and concede that my building is the worst on my street and my flat isn’t in the best condition ever, but it’s a good size. “How much is your rent here”, asks Colin
- There are mixed messagess when you come to my house with regard to assessing my sexuality. For example there is a massive picture of supermodel Gisele Bundchen in a compromising position hanging on my living room wall (straight) but right next to it is a picture of me leaning against a toilet door in a club minutes before passing out with my shirt off (bent). There are lots of pictures of the Greece football team winning the Euro 2004 (straight) but there is also a Sex And The City boxset and a vinyl doublefold of The Immaculate Collection on a shelf next to the couch (bent). And of course there is the floor-to-ceiling Nike advert with Josh Lewsey running towards an imaginary try, which can be taken either way I guess. I suspect Colin goes for the straight option because out of all those things he only comments on the Gisele picture
- When the conversation inevitably turns to football (England was playing the night before) I manage to blag it and pass the blue collar test, as I have been lucky enough to have been really bored and watched part of the game. I score extra points by having watched the Greece game too (they were also playing the night before) and provide some extra sporting information not even Colin knew (what a fag).
Then Colin leaves and I stay at home watching my new TV, playing on the internet and eating soup. I’m eating soup because I’m feeling quite sick (a quick diagnosis from Donnell via telephone implies gastroenteritis), which also gives me a great excuse to skip the gym.
Mind you, I’m not complaining, if you’re going to get sick I would definitely recommend gastroenteritis, it does wonders for your abs even more so than a moderate coke binge.
In the evening I go to Scott’s house and spend the night there (eating more soup) and when we wake up on Friday he starts watching Star Trek repeats, which is his favourite TV programme. I find Star Trek quite intolerable and it just confirms Scott’s seminally bad taste in everything (men, TV, music, food, clothes, décor) so I collect my stuff, leave, go in a book shop, buy Slaves Of New York by Tama Janowitz, take the tube, go to the gym, do chest and abs, go home.
At home I set my new internet connection on my Mac quite effortlessly, even manage to set up the wireless, and plan to never leave the house again. I’m proud to say that this is the first time I’ve typed the blog and also posted it online using the Mac. I have even disconnected and stored away my PC. So well done me.
Finally, I wanted to say that I’m going clubbing again soon (I’m not saying when or where) but it’s going to be in the next 10 days, so you can look forward to reading some more clubbing stories, just like we used to make them here on this blog back in the day.
Oh yeah and here’s the Gisele picture I have in my living room.